| Girlfriend Gamers | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Jan 19 2006, 11:39 PM (240 Views) | |
| kismetrose | Jan 19 2006, 11:39 PM Post #1 |
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Girlfriend gamers, as I think of them, are not gamers in their own right. Rather, they are the girlfriends of gamers but do not play themselves. Some girlfriend gamers are fairly innocuous and don't cause much of a ruckus - they might complain a little, but they don't interfere with their boyfriends having gaming as a hobby. Other girlfriend gamers are right terrors and can ruin otherwise friendly groups. I've had a personal experience my own with a bad girlfriend gamer - but what about you? |
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Kismet's D&D - WoD - SG-1 - FB | |
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| Fixxxer | Jan 20 2006, 12:39 AM Post #2 |
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Alcoholic Homosexual Giraffe
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My experience was with my own wife, though we weren't actually married at the time. She was genuinely interested in playing, but no so much in actually learning how to play. As a result, she thought that my entire job as DM was to tell her how her PC should act, what she should do, etc. She never bothered to learn how combat worked. She never bothered to learn how spellcasting worked. It just wasn't a good situation. Eventually, after her latest outcry of "well I don't have time to memorize a rulebook!" I simply told her flat out that if she didn't pick up the book and make an effort to learn how the system worked before the next gaming session, I was going to boot her from the game. Had I had to do this, it might have created an awkward situation, as we were living together at the time, but she realized I was serious and made a good effort to learn a bit about the game. |
| In my mind, it is that simple. But then, I'm simple minded. -Didge- | |
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| Aladdar | Jan 20 2006, 07:25 AM Post #3 |
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There Is No Member, Only Zule
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I've played games of all sorts for my entire life. I played some strange version of D&D in middle school, although I had to hide it from my parents who were of the mind that it was satanic and that I might cut them into little pieces in the middle of the night and then fry them up for breakfast the next morning if I played it. I still don't understand that whole phenomenom. Anyhow, I didn't get back into the game until about a year and a half ago when I decided I wanted something else as a hobby as video games were boring me. I got to searching online, found a play by post game going on, and got very interested again. I purchased the players handbook and my wife didn't say anything. I joined the game online and she was fine. When I moved down here and actually started playing with Fixxxer she became a complete terror. We got into the biggest fights over it. She was convinced, as had my parents been, that the game was evil. She hated that it took time away from her, etc... Eventually, after much discussion she has become ok with it, at least I think she has. She actually bought me some D&D stuff for Christmas and told me that it was her way of saying she was sorry. I think the true problem wasn't that she thought the game was evil, but that we were newlyweds and that she still has some major self esteem issues due to her being handicapped and the time spent away from her once a week was just too much for her to handle, and she started all these strange you must not live me since you game dramas in her mind. I think, she's past that. She knows I'm going to be running a game after we get back from vacation. She's said it's ok. I hope to all things high and mighty it actually is because I don't want to go through that again. I eventually got her to realize that it wasn't just D&D she'd gotten that way over, but when I used to play basketball every week as well, although not as bad. I explained that we could not have a happy marriage if she was going to be that jealous of my time and that I had to have some me time. Since all those conversations I think she truly understands. So yeah, I've dealt with the gamer girlfriend (wife) syndrome. |
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"Love makes the world go round. And has been known to provide a +2 circumstance to certain skill checks." The D&D Archive Forums
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| kismetrose | Jan 20 2006, 12:55 PM Post #4 |
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I haven't heard much from guys who have had girlfriend gamers. The one guy in our group who had a girlfriend gamer wouldn't say anything about it, which only added to the general level of frustration. Yes, he was caught in the middle between his friends and his girlfriend and he wouldn't tell anyone anything. He wouldn't tell her to back off, and he wouldn't tell us to back off, either. It would have been nice if he had politely bowed out of the game, since he wasn't there much and it only caused him to get bitched at when he went home - but no. He wouldn't do himself, or us, that favor. |
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Kismet's D&D - WoD - SG-1 - FB | |
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| Fixxxer | Jan 20 2006, 01:07 PM Post #5 |
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Alcoholic Homosexual Giraffe
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We have a word for people like that, K. "Pussy." I'm afraid I would probably have had to punt the guy out of the game myself. As likeable as someone is, it's not enough if they are disrupting the game, whether directly or by proxy. |
| In my mind, it is that simple. But then, I'm simple minded. -Didge- | |
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| Didge | Jan 20 2006, 01:20 PM Post #6 |
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Residential Alaskan Igloo & Walrus Inspector
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Hmm, let's see. You thing having a girlfriend gamer is bad? Try this one on for size. I dated my DM's sister. For almost three years. Yeah, that was fun. <_< I don't mean to sound negative about it, we were a really good couple, and frankly I still care a lot about how she's doing, etc. But then I also still consider her a close friend. Anyway, anytime her brother felt like messing with his sister, my girlfriend, he'd make a comment about doing something to my character in the game, or threatening to hold a game on a weekend when she wanted me to do something outside of gaming. Now he'd say this jokingly, she'd think he was serious and then come and bitch me out instead of arguing with her brother. No matter how many times I tried to tell her that she'd come first, she'd still seem to think that her brother had more pull over me than she did. :rolleyes: Yeah, their family wasn't exactly functional, but they all loved each other in that, "I'm going to kick your ass!" sort of way. I've also had girlfriends that didn't understand the game, but they were ok with it. They knew I wasn't off getting into trouble or seeing other women (not that I'm that type mind you but I've dated some paranoid women in the past), because I offered for them to come with but none ever really did. My current girlfriend likes the idea of role-playing but she hasn't exactly pressed me into putting her into a game. She wavers on the, "I want to game!" to the, "Why are you wasting your time on this?" My only concern there is because of her hearing loss she might not be able to hear everything that's going on. I don't mind repeating myself (I often do anyways), but some of my friends have expressed that D&D is a "guy's night out" for them. Which is fine and dandy, and I've been trying to get a group together that she'd mesh well in and that she could learn the game. This has been the biggest stalling block and why she hasn't tried yet. I want her to feel comfortable and enjoy it, and that means a good group is going to be essential. She's watched one game but didn't really follow everything that was going on (some of it was because of her hearing loss and the group around the table can get a bit rowdy making it difficult for her to hear everything). I've never really dated anyone who was openly against me playing RPG's. I'd like to think that I never got close to anyone without telling them up front that I was a gamer and if they had a problem with that, then we'd part ways. As far as I can recall, this has never been a big issue, but it has always been on the back of my mind when I was dating. Fear of finding someone perfect for me except only to have them rejecting RPG's would probably crush my fragile psyche. Ok, probably not now, but when I was younger and actually cared what others thought, then it would have been a problem. |
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| Kesht | Jan 20 2006, 01:44 PM Post #7 |
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You see a drunken hobo. Roll for initiative.
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Well Nancy... Pixierogue was my girlfriend gamer. Now she's my wife, and you better believe she plays still! Starting out was awkward, mostly because I was transitioning from CRPG 2nd ed to some kind of odd home-styled rules then to 3rd edition. Once we got going on 3rd edition things started to take form. Early on she was very receptive to playing, but rules were very loose or just non-existent. Going into 3rd edition was good for me, because it answered a lot of questions and brought up a lot of different things that I never thought of (I had very little experience with prior table-top gaming.) She's never been really eager to learn the 3.0 or 3.5 system in a thourough manner. I know she likes to play and would love to know so much more about the game. Unfortunately, because of bad gaming experiences early on, she wasn't very motivated to put a whole bunch of heart and soul into the game. I'd encourage her, she'd start reading and getting more in-character and doing more for the game, then some dork would join the group and piss all over everything good in the campaign. Then she would lose motivation. Then came the baby and if you're a parent you KNOW what that can do to your energy and ability to concentrate. Things are getting better, and we've been gaming semi-regularly for quite a few months now. It's just a matter of finding time to read/game now. She rarely pulls the "I just want you around" thing, and when she does its understandable. There are weeks where it almost seems like we don't see each other just because we're so busy. All in all, I wouldn't trade her for anything else, and I KNOW I'm lucky she's not like some other women I know. "Why do you want to play some stupid pretend game? That's so lame." :rolleyes: yeah, whatever lady. Keep on watching Jerry Springer then.
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She hung up! I'mf going to die alone and nakeds!
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5:39 PM Jul 10