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Like Cool Water; total rubbish...
Topic Started: Jun 17 2005, 11:07 AM (57 Views)
~*Dani*~
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Amazing Member
Yea, i have a million problems with this poem, but here ya go:
Like cool water, i am calm,
not a ripple to be found,
for now, my life is not turbulant
and I am safe and sound,
then someone throws a rock
that I can Keenly see,
the child who threw it doesnt know
how much troubles aggrivate me,
late at night after it happened
a storm raged inside my mind,
i needed a way to let out the anger,
I needed to unwind.
So i swelled up in fury,
so large became my waves,
but then I remembered the child's face
and, so quickly, I forgave,
For the children are the future
and they are growing fast,
and as I quickly changed my mind, i realized
I wanted the child's life to last,
for so soon we are forgotten
as new lives, people make,
my decision i almost made that night
could have been a big mistake,
though i live far from many people,
from many a boy and girl,
I had better watch what I'm doing,
because eventually, kids will rule this world!

Questions, comments, suggestions, etc. are welcome ^_^
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Genie
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O.oo
heeheeheehee I love the last two lines! Woot!

It has a nice rhyme scheme, you've used enjambment which is great(even if it wasnt done intentionally) :) , very cool poem!
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~*Dani*~
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Thank you! And no, i didnt intend to use enjambment. I dont even know what it is! You must have lots of experience with poetry.
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Genie
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O.oo
~*Dani*~,Jun 19 2005
07:37 AM
Thank you! And no, i didnt intend to use enjambment. I dont even know what it is! You must have lots of experience with poetry.

Its when your line breaks and goes to the next its a poetic device

and example would be below, do you see how the patiently goes to the next line?


i stood there
patiently staring

lol a few odd years,
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~*Dani*~
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Oh, wow. I didnt know that. Thanks for telling me! :)
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Genie
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O.oo
~*Dani*~,Jun 20 2005
07:51 AM
Oh, wow. I didnt know that. Thanks for telling me! :)

Pleasures all mine, you can see now you were using a poetic device without knowing, your a natural! :)
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Canucks fan
Numero uno
Admin
Reading the title makes me thirsty!
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~*Dani*~
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^lol, me too :lol:
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