| Welcome to The New Forums. We hope you enjoy your visit. You're currently viewing our forum as a guest. This means you are limited to certain areas of the board and there are some features you can't use. If you join our community, you'll be able to access member-only sections, and use many member-only features such as customizing your profile, sending personal messages, and voting in polls. Registration is simple, fast, and completely free. Join our community! If you're already a member please log in to your account to access all of our features: |
| Like Cool Water; total rubbish... | |
|---|---|
| Tweet Topic Started: Jun 17 2005, 11:07 AM (57 Views) | |
| ~*Dani*~ | Jun 17 2005, 11:07 AM Post #1 |
|
Amazing Member
|
Yea, i have a million problems with this poem, but here ya go: Like cool water, i am calm, not a ripple to be found, for now, my life is not turbulant and I am safe and sound, then someone throws a rock that I can Keenly see, the child who threw it doesnt know how much troubles aggrivate me, late at night after it happened a storm raged inside my mind, i needed a way to let out the anger, I needed to unwind. So i swelled up in fury, so large became my waves, but then I remembered the child's face and, so quickly, I forgave, For the children are the future and they are growing fast, and as I quickly changed my mind, i realized I wanted the child's life to last, for so soon we are forgotten as new lives, people make, my decision i almost made that night could have been a big mistake, though i live far from many people, from many a boy and girl, I had better watch what I'm doing, because eventually, kids will rule this world! Questions, comments, suggestions, etc. are welcome ^_^ |
![]() |
|
| Genie | Jun 17 2005, 02:31 PM Post #2 |
![]()
O.oo
|
heeheeheehee I love the last two lines! Woot! It has a nice rhyme scheme, you've used enjambment which is great(even if it wasnt done intentionally) :) , very cool poem! |
![]() |
|
| ~*Dani*~ | Jun 19 2005, 10:37 AM Post #3 |
|
Amazing Member
|
Thank you! And no, i didnt intend to use enjambment. I dont even know what it is! You must have lots of experience with poetry. |
![]() |
|
| Genie | Jun 19 2005, 01:35 PM Post #4 |
![]()
O.oo
|
Its when your line breaks and goes to the next its a poetic device and example would be below, do you see how the patiently goes to the next line? i stood there patiently staring lol a few odd years, |
![]() |
|
| ~*Dani*~ | Jun 20 2005, 10:51 AM Post #5 |
|
Amazing Member
|
Oh, wow. I didnt know that. Thanks for telling me! :) |
![]() |
|
| Genie | Jun 20 2005, 03:27 PM Post #6 |
![]()
O.oo
|
Pleasures all mine, you can see now you were using a poetic device without knowing, your a natural! :) |
![]() |
|
| Canucks fan | Jun 20 2005, 05:19 PM Post #7 |
|
Numero uno
![]()
|
Reading the title makes me thirsty! |
![]() |
|
| ~*Dani*~ | Jun 21 2005, 08:31 AM Post #8 |
|
Amazing Member
|
^lol, me too :lol: |
![]() |
|
| « Previous Topic · The Works · Next Topic » |








9:20 AM Jul 11