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| Future Profession Unknown/My Rose's Life; set of 2 very different poems | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Jun 17 2005, 09:58 AM (40 Views) | |
| ~*Dani*~ | Jun 17 2005, 09:58 AM Post #1 |
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Amazing Member
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Poem 1:Future Profession Unknown Some people become nurses, some people become clerks, whatever these people put their mind to I hope for them, it works, some people become writers, some people become waiters, whatever these people become, to other professions, they won't be haters, Some people become store owners, some people travel seas, but their will be some loners who don't have jobs, like me, but don't worry about what im doing, and to others, please don't tell, for now my job is life-planning, an occupation that suits me well. Uh, really doesnt have to do with me at all^suggestions, comments, etc on that are welcome. My Rose's Life My life is blooming like a beautiful rose that everyone can see, the field that spreads along the rolling hills is all of my family, though I start out small and round, it's some water that i need, some experience and life to live, so soon, my soul will be freed, though some pollen is lost and I cry some tears of dew, when I die and wither slowly away my life, like a fragrent rose, will be remembered through and through. EDIT:I changed the first line, the third line, and the twelfth line. Lots of symbolism there, i also welcome comments, questions, suggestions, etc. to this poem as well! :) |
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| Genie | Jun 17 2005, 02:37 PM Post #2 |
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O.oo
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The first one once again has a lovely rhyme scheme, when I first started writing poetry I use to love rhyming, especially reading rhyming poetry, however I cant do much of it now :huh: , but yours is lovely! The second poem is lovely, a rose is very famous in poetry because a lot of famous poets and people like you and me use it to describe life etc.. I think its lovely, however this live would sound great if it was more powerful and imagising, lovely like the rest of the poem!
My life, like a fragrant rose, or it could be anything which describes the rose! Hope you dont mind me being a bugger! :ph43r: |
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| ~*Dani*~ | Jun 19 2005, 10:31 AM Post #3 |
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Amazing Member
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You are very helpful. Thank you! Im off to fix it! :) |
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9:20 AM Jul 11