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G.I. Joe: The Movie (the live-action one anyways)
Topic Started: Sep 7 2009, 12:06 AM (279 Views)
Syxx
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Ok, kinda in a bad mood due to unrelated reasons, but I just saw this movie. I'll try to not be too harsh in my assessment here.

I didn't really expect a G.I. Joe movie not to be over the top. Its most famous for a ludicrous cartoon after all. While the comic-book was a bit more rational and sensible, I still wouldn't expect something completely believable. However, this film had serious problems. Let me just list the good and bad.

Good:

I liked the baroness in this. While her character was kinda fucked up from what she was before, at least she got a decent amount of screen time, kicked ass, did evil things, and was hot. You don't see female characters get this kind of treatment in these kinds of films. Usually they're just there to be the male main character's love-interest and do nothing of note. While that was sorta true, at least she actually did interesting, cool things. I also tend to be very attracted to girls with black hair, as if you didn't already know that. XD

Storm Shadow I felt was also well done. I give credit to the actor for making something out of a role in a terrible movie. His motivations and demeanor expressed through the acting seemed real to me. He was very cool, and I liked him when ever he was on the screen.

Sorta ok:

Duke's character. While not really anything like his previous self, was kinda relatable with the soft-spoken, puppy-dog solider-boy thing. He's at least not as detestable as the cocky asshole main characters that sometimes star in these over the top popcorn action flicks.

The bad:

Pretty much everything else. Gotta say this movie was pretty much terrible. Maybe I didn't hate it as much as Transformers, because Witwicky a completely throw-away character in the cartoon didn't suddenly get 100 percent of the screen time, but it still seems Hasbro couldn't make a decent movie to save their lives. I'll touch upon some specific things I disliked about it:

1. Too much shaky cam, as alluded to in my other thread.

2. Horrendous pacing. The second half of the movie was basically non-stop CGI action sequences. I mean jesus christ, if Luke Skywalker flew around in his X-Wing through the Death Star for the last 40 total minutes of Star Wars do you think it would have been effective? Ever hear of the concept of suspense? How can there be suspense, if its just action, action, action, explosions, more action, and nothing in between? The people who made this film should have "less is more" tattooed on their foreheads.

3. Snake Eyes gets shafted. Even though he was all over the advertisements for this thing, he gets no screen time. Obvious why though. He's mute, and can't deliver cheesy one-liners, and the director would actually have to do his job instead of slacking off to put him on the screen for long periods of time. They also added a terrible looking mouth to his costume that made him look more like Robocop than Snake Eyes.

4. Scarlet's love interest should be Snake-Eyes and not Marlon Wayans. But again writing and directing that woudl've taken effort since Snake Eyes can't express his feelings through corny scenes of him using pickup lines on Scarlet. I'd also like to see a film where a girl can reject a guy and not be "won over" by him by the end of the film. So fucking cliche.

5. Marlon Wayans. His character had a name in this movie, but since Marlon is only capable of playing one character, Marlon Wayans, his other "character" should not actually be named. Playing a character with a different name than yourself takes acting.

6. Destro and Cobra Commander. Really they shouldn't even bothered explaining why they got their ridiculous costumes and just have shrouded it in mystery like in the cartoon. It would've worked much better. That especially goes for Cobra Commander, who's origin in this film is so unbelievably retarded, nonsensical, dissapointing, lame, and unbelievable I don't even want to discuss it.

7. All the characters in the film were already intertwined with each other with pre-existing romances, family relations, or child-hood grudges. When you have to show like 10 flashback scenes in a single film, that's what we call terrible storytelling. I don't really recall any of these existing in the source material, so I'm just going to say the writer of this movie was an extremely lazy bastard and didn't want to be bothered with actually having his characters develop and form relationships with each other in real time.

8. CGI was bad. At least make some effort to make it look real. The stuff with the under-water base, etc. may as well been from the first Toy Story movie.

Ok, well that's enough I think. That wasn't too harsh, right? :lmao:

Hopefully the sequel is directed by someone who actually knows what they're doing, but if the reviews are as bad I'll probably pass. I already knew this movie wouldn't be fantastic due to the reviews, but they still managed to disappoint me even with my lowered expectations.
Edited by Syxx, Sep 7 2009, 12:27 AM.

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Meh. I'd rather see Julie & Julia. At least that had a spy and was based on a true story. XD

"The bad" was a good read for lulz, even if I didn't get half of it, not even the "Malron Wayans" part, whoever the hell he is. (Spin New Yasha needs to go to Nerd School :p .)
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TerminalGT
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Damn man...that was a really brutal review, I'm sorry. XD

Shame about Cobra Commander, I liked his character from before...

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Ocik
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o.0 OK, not much to say. They spoke about this film on planetphtoshop in tutorials, that´s why i downloaded it. Yea, many bad things, as Syxx mentioned. But hurray, finally some female-combat characters in here.

Their super suits and invisibility - Nomad as inspiration? :lmao: , they forgot add "maximum speed + maximum strength", could be kinda cool.
Edited by Ocik, Sep 7 2009, 07:06 AM.
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LauraD
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Well, Mr. Syxx, I have to agree with about 80-85% of your assessment of G.I.Joe: The Rise Of Cobra, although I might not be quite as harsh in my opinion of it. True, the pacing was off, and some (most) of the origins of the characters were from somewhere out in left field, but Sienna Miller certainly did kick some ass as the Baroness, and I liked the Zartan angle quite a bit as well - I never could warm up to his character as an Aussie biker dude in the cartoon...lol.
Destro was actually not too off the mark either in his origin, although I wasn't crazy about how they portrayed his acquisition of the 'chrome-dome'. And yeah, Cobra Commander was a disappointment, from his ridiculous backstory to his absurd costume. I always preferred him with his usual hood, and his origin as a used-car salesman. :p

It's true the 'shaky-cam' was a bit (a lot) overdone, as was the CG, and they really shouldn't have tried to cram so much of the action into the second half of the film. But then again this wasn't Shakespeare, so they get a partial pass from me. I DO hope they kill Will Smith wannabe Marlon Wayans off in the first reel of any sequel, and give Snake Eyes some decent screen time, preferably hooking up with Scarlett like he's supposed to. Also, just a guess, but I suspect that the Baroness will play a major part in the inevitable sequel since they telegraphed that at the end.

All said and done, I don't think it was a terrible movie - just not a great one - almost worth the $4 I spent to see it ...
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Syxx
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Well, I was really willing to give this a guilty pleasure pass even if it was sorta bad, its just I can't believe they spent this type of budget to make something like this. This would be like if the Super Mario Bros. movie or the Street Fighter film with Raúl Julia had been given a 175 million dollar budget and was exactly the same (but with more CG and shaky cam). That's about how wonky this film was to me.

I don't know what's wrong with Hasbro, but if they think churning out these kinds of cheese fests is going to work in the long run, they're going to be sorely mistaken after their first 150 million dollar bomb happens. At least DC and Marvel have come to the realization that they need to put out a quality product in theaters now.

This film could've easily been just enjoyable, and I did like some of it, but the people who made it needed to lay of the speed a bit and tone it down a bit. Less is more definitley would've helped this film out a lot.

I don't really remember the Zartan angle too much in the film, but yeah the Baroness exuded sex and it was cool to see a girl like that do stunts, shoot stuff, double cross people, etc. The fight scenes between her and Scarlett were also rather sexy. XD
Edited by Syxx, Sep 7 2009, 05:56 PM.

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J-Syxx
Sep 7 2009, 05:20 PM
Raúl Julia
WHOA. Wait a minute. Stop the presses.

Someone other than me in this forum used accented vowel characters.

Let me take a minute to soak in this awesomeness ... Yes. There is a God. XD

So, how'd you do it?? <Alt>+Numpad163??? XDDDD
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Syxx
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T-Boz tried to talk to me!

Its copy-pasta. lol

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J-Syxx
Sep 7 2009, 07:26 PM
Its copy-pasta. lol
Aww, I knew it was too good to be true. :roflmao3:

Where's the spaghetti sauce, Geek School professor?? XD
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…the people who made it needed to lay of the speed a bit…
Almost kinda reminds me of one of the classmates from when I studied filmmaking/videogame design. Allegedly. XD
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LauraD
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J-Syxx
Sep 7 2009, 05:20 PM
I don't really remember the Zartan angle too much in the film, but yeah the Baroness exuded sex and it was cool to see a girl like that do stunts, shoot stuff, double cross people, etc. The fight scenes between her and Scarlett were also rather sexy. XD
*Spoiler!*

Spoiler: click to toggle


Gotta say, at this point Sienna Miller could give Kate Beckinsale (or even Uma Thurmon) a run for the money in the 'Action Chick' category... :p

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Syxx
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T-Boz tried to talk to me!

I always thought of Zartan as more aloof and methodical. Definitely not how he was portrayed in the film.

Quote:
 
Gotta say, at this point Sienna Miller could give Kate Beckinsale (or even Uma Thurmon) a run for the money in the 'Action Chick' category... :p

I was never big on Uma. I don't remember what film had some chick fighting in a towel, but I think they should use that for the next film with Baroness. :lmao:

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