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| So C is likely autistic; and I'm not handling it all that gracefully. | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Apr 4 2013, 09:10 PM (2,320 Views) | |
| stephjm | Apr 7 2013, 02:08 PM Post #46 |
It'll be an adventure! We're going on an adventure!
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FG, unfortunately I don't have time for a long reply just now, but want to give you some  . You are handling this well, you will always love Colt no matter what, and he will have a Dad and a big sister who love him no matter what as well. You are right I think - perhaps the farm idea did not work out for a reason.I have a good friend at work whose 14 year old son has "high functioning" austism. Yes it has been a struggle for her, but she has learned so much and her son is doing well. I would encourage you to find a support group, it may help you to interact with other parents who are dealing with these issues. And we love you. And Colt, and Kena. 
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| gunnar | Apr 7 2013, 04:52 PM Post #47 |
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I have to add that one of my bosses had a highly dysfunctional A child! His biggest problem was escaping and running! Lucky you Colt is wAy more advanced! She made it work in the end! Lots of patience in the end! She worked some 60 miles from home! No Father on scene! If she could handle it you can FG! I send huge kisses and hugs! Love you and your family! |
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| vxf111 | Apr 7 2013, 05:23 PM Post #48 |
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Hugs, doesn't matter what it "is," you'll get him what he needs and he'll be who he is. We ALL are. With our own disabilities, skills, limitations, and talents.
Edited by vxf111, Apr 7 2013, 05:23 PM.
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| FlashGordon | Apr 7 2013, 05:38 PM Post #49 |
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That is such a lovely sentiment.
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| DairyQueen2049 | Apr 8 2013, 05:38 AM Post #50 |
DRAGON BREATH. DRAGGIN' BUTT
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I did not read through the whole thread - my bad, I know, but I will!! Flashy, I test into the autistic spectrum. It sounds bad - but there ARE jobs for us to do that fit our unique peg into unique holes. We aren't unlovable, but we are unique - just like every other child and adult in the world. Generally, we are blessed with rhino skin and we don't see or hear a lot of the harsh things kids or other adults say. Please get Temple Grandin's movie - that helps others understand a lot. Now to go back and read. ~~~ Read. You are doing all the best things Flashy!! It won't be easy, but it will be a rewarding journey. Edited by DairyQueen2049, Apr 8 2013, 05:52 AM.
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| FlashGordon | Apr 9 2013, 06:13 AM Post #51 |
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DQ, that is really interesting, and thank you for sharing. Ironically my mom often says perhaps he will be an engineer, as he loves taking things apart and putting them back together, and can do it quicker and Marc and I oftentimes. Just read an interesting article about autism and how years ago people who were inventors, engineers, math geniuses, scientists, intelligent but eccentric types were likely "on the spectrum" but not diagnosed back then. We have a lot of such types on both my mom and my dad's sides of the family... (I know less about Marc's relatives though I know how bright Marc is.) We have multiple appointments this week with various people so I'm going to ask about finding a support group or something for parents. I need some way to deal with the grief and the fear as I have a lot of anxiety about him regressing further and "losing" him within himself, if that makes any sense. |
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| Won for Me | Apr 9 2013, 06:35 AM Post #52 |
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Is the meadow on fire?
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FG, I think about when I was in elementary school and there were some kids in my class who were very different. I don't think kids were diagnosed with autism back then, but it seems like every class had one or two students who did things thier own way. The teachers would roll their eyes or stick them in a corner so they did not have to deal with the real issues. They were thought of as daydreamers. Many went on to be very successful even if it wasn't the expected path. It must have been very rough for them as teachers just dismissed them as lost causes. At least now, there are programs and options for help. I also think that some adults who label themselves as very introverted might be somewhere on the spectrum, but that is just my own observation...not based on fact. So, C's path might be not be straight, but it doesn't mean it will just end. |
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| Indy | Apr 9 2013, 06:56 AM Post #53 |
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I agree that a lot of kids who were just "weird" when we were growing up were probably somewhere on the autism spectrum. They just weren't diagnosed because for the most part highly functioning. Now there are so many resources out there that those kids didn't get to take advantage of. I'd say a good third of the people I work with are somewhere on the Austism/Asbergers spectrum. They're all brilliant, yet not what society would consider "normal." But they've found their niche in science and they do their thing quite well. There is a place in the world for kids like C, especially with motivated parents like you and Marc who will get him on the right path to be the most successful person he can be. |
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| Trialbyfire | Apr 9 2013, 07:03 AM Post #54 |
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I think this is good. I completely understand what you are saying about "losing" him and your fears. And they are not unwarranted, unfortunately, as I'm sure you know. So finding a way to move forward and let go some of that fear is really important and will be necessary for you. As a mom, I know I only have limited energy, even when I want more. You can't let fear take too much of your energy because you NEED it to be a good parent. (And frankly, just for your own sanity!) I suspect that just finding a safe place among people who really "get it" and being able to vent some of your fears and frustration will be really helpful. Plus, meeting people locally opens up entire new worlds for everything - e.g. "playdates" with other kids where you won't sit there and feel that your or C is *inadequate* in any way. Not only does that just suck, but it doesn't help either of you, but it doesn't help you find play/activities that will benefit him; or people you could rely on to watch him for a couple of hours if you need it some day, etc. It sounds like you are doing everything right. Just make sure you take some time for yourself, too. That's important for all parents but I would imagine even moreso for anyone with a child that has any special needs.
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| desilu | Apr 9 2013, 08:05 AM Post #55 |
Magical Leopluridon
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Big hugs. My daughter has her masters in OT and mainly works with autistic children. She is very passionate about what she does and always is thinking outside the box to find a way to help her kids. I don't think she is unique in that respect. Great therapists are out there and I have heard her tell amazing stories of progress and hope. The parents are like family to her since she usually has them as clients for a long time. So find therapists that click with both you and Colton and the rest of your family. And don't settle for less! |
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| Fish Cheeks | Apr 9 2013, 08:46 AM Post #56 |
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I agree about the few posts about kids in the past likely being on the spectrum (or also ADHD) and just not getting the dx and resources. Yet those kids, who are so able to focus and concentrate and delve deeply into one subject can grow up to be brilliant scientists or researchers or follow whatever path sparks their interest. I look at a couple people in my family - one who, when a child, sounds like he would have been the worst ADHD kid ever. But it was back in ye olde days when there were no drugs for it and so kid got paddled and made to stand in a corner and yet he grew up to be a very driven and very successful man. Contrast that with his son, who was dx ADHD and put on drugs and had his personality dulled and kind of went in a different direction. I wonder if the son didn't have the drugs, if he would have had the same zest as his dad. Anyway, I was just thinking about you this morning and thinking "what is 'normal?'" Really, there is no normal. I think that a lot of people think "other people" are normal, when really everyone has their own difficulties to deal with - some may be more challenging than others, but behind seemingly perfect facades lie all sorts of issues! Edited by Fish Cheeks, Apr 9 2013, 08:48 AM.
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| DairyQueen2049 | Apr 9 2013, 09:00 AM Post #57 |
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DRAGON BREATH. DRAGGIN' BUTT
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Does anyone else follow the Raising A Rainbow blog? I think the luckiest of us are raised by parents that 'get it' - and let their children be who they are. If I spent hours with Mr. Machine taking him apart, putting him together, making him run; taking over my brother's erector set with actual working engine, etc. my mom encouraged it. I wish my mom had had a support group, an internet to go to. She never knew she was doing it right - she just did it. FG - I think you are doing it right. http://raisingmyrainbow.com/2012/12/18/my-sons-christmas-dress/ Edited by DairyQueen2049, Apr 9 2013, 09:04 AM.
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| FlashGordon | Apr 9 2013, 09:44 AM Post #58 |
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Thank you guys so much..... you've given me a lot of peace, and hope! I do think OTs are wonderful... they were my saving grace last year when he was hospitalized. They were wonderful advocates and really pushed on the doctors to address his medical issues appropriately. I would have been lost without them. We should know more about a "plan" for therapy this week and I am sure an OT is going to be very valuable to us! We are lucky in the sense that he IS verbal, and he is quite lucid a lot of the time, though it does come and go in a way that is different from "typical" kids/people. As a mom, it is hard to see him disconnect, so I find myself internally running through this monologue of anxiety and TBF as you said... I spend a lot of energy trying to keep him "here." Because I worry that he will have less moments where he is here and more moments when he is not. It does become exhausting. But I am definitely feeling more hopeful this week and he is truly such an amazing little being.... we are blessed to have him.  |
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| Little Diva | Apr 9 2013, 09:57 AM Post #59 |
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FG, I have not said a lot about my son, but my son tests on the autism scale. He was very very unique as a child and I love him fiercely and very protectively. The saddest thing though is that our doctor did not help us help him and we did the best we could -- also a very different time too as far as autism and mental disorders were concerned. He was fascinated with statistics -- especially the NFL and you could ask him about any player of any team at anytime and he could quote you there life time stats and he could also figure out, based a teams total stats, which team was likely to make it to the finals the next year. He also had a thing for geography and capitals and would play a game with us where he would say what capital of this country is at ... and then give the longitude and latitude. We encouraged both and with the help of his teachers would use some of that in his schooling as aids to help him. He used to get lost playing with pennies while sitting on the couch as a young boy -- he would just roll two or three pennies back and forth and tell stories about the pennies and the adventures they were having. That was how, when the world just became too much for him, he would disconnectt and sort of reset himself. Sometimes it would only be for a short period of time and other times, it would be for hours. My mom was a teacher for years and her specialty was working with autistic kids back in the 70's so we were fortunate that we had her to guide us when the medical establishment let us down. We all, in our family, did our best to protect him and keep him safe and now, as his grandfather is pretty much bed ridden, my son is his primary care giver, cooking, cleaning, and making sure meds are taken at the right time and keeping track of all the meds he is on and what they do and their interactions etc. That amazing memory of his is serving him very very well right now and he is so gentle with his grandfather and so loving. C is a wonderful child, full of lots and lots of potential. You are such a wonderful mom for ensuring that he will reach his potential. |
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| TarynJ | Apr 9 2013, 01:31 PM Post #60 |
Guiding your way to Candy Mountain, since 1873.
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I've heard this as well. Working in Tech, I've also been told that there's a very high incidence of children "on the spectrum" in areas such as Silicon Valley... where you also have a high incidence of engineers and brilliant (former) social misfits who have settled and had families. I used to work with a really great (and very smart) guy whose son was high functioning autistic... co-worker's mother was baffled what all the fuss was about because the child was "just like his father at that age". I think coworker's head mildly exploded because he'd struggled all the way through school... HUGE Hugs regardless of what happens. We're here for ya! Edited by TarynJ, Apr 9 2013, 01:33 PM.
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