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| Dress rehearsal - ballet video! | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Mar 21 2013, 10:40 PM (2,668 Views) | |
| Reynard Ridge | Mar 23 2013, 11:06 PM Post #46 |
Drivin' The Short Bus
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Another isolated checking in. I've never met anyone on this board in real life. There are half a dozen or so out there (including V and RH at the top of the list) who I would love to meet; sensible, grounded people with interesting lives who come across as mature and stable. Not having a horse for going on six years now, the fact that the board has evolved away from horses isn't a negative for me. That said, I assume I will get back into horses in the next few years, so keeping in touch with 'horse people' who may eventually become my neighbors seems like a sensible option. It's a balance that actually keeps me coming back. I have thought more than once over the past year or so that this space is winding down. I tend to agree that the vibe has gotten more and more "agreeable," with limited debate and more cheerleading. There has been a migration to FB friendships, and the topics and posts come slower and slower. Clearly TOC is no longer what it was intended to be when it started, and if the friendships (real and imagined) that have started here, continue in other spaces and places, or don't, such is the nature of human interactions. |
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| WhySoSerious | Mar 24 2013, 06:12 AM Post #47 |
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Off visiting Candy Cave, be right back.
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I'm a member of another board that's much smaller than this one. It's evolved in a similar fashion. We have one general board and the actual horse boards don't get touched anymore. We still talk about horses some, but not to the degree we used to. Horses brought us all together, but as different members have gone through different phases in their lives, some are now without horses at all. I think it's kind progression of internet boards. People make friends for one reason or another on a board, so they add them on Facebook or wherever else. They still ultimately have horses in common, but their relationship, either IRL or on the internet evolves. I feel TOB is not quite as active as it once was. I've never been a big poster because I do know at least one person IRL that posts a lot over there that I really don't want anything to do with. I don't know any posters here in real life and I'm a newer member so I haven't been around for much of the board change, but I enjoy posting here. There are some wonderful people here that have been very supportive to me. Though I do agree that hasn't been a ton of actual horse discussion since I've been here, nor many people asking for actual opinions. It seems like if people want that, they go to TOB. I guess this has become more of a place to just get a pats on the back than to get a real opinion or critique.
Edited by WhySoSerious, Mar 24 2013, 06:14 AM.
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| Corey94 | Mar 24 2013, 01:55 PM Post #48 |
Off visiting Candy Cave, be right back.
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I've been getting a 'feeling' too, but not with the topics posted, but more the lack thereof. And most importantly, I find it very unusual that the moderators have no participation. Lastly, we've lost a bunch of our most prolific posters...off the top of my head..Blacktack, JTmoon, DQ, Dana (I can't remember her screen name), HH, etc. I am not on the FB group, are they there posting? And the kicker is there's not a ton any of us can do about it.  And not to derail too much, sorry Fishy! Congrats on your recital! Just getting up the nerve give it a go is remarkable.... |
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| Sannois | Mar 25 2013, 06:03 PM Post #49 |
You're BANNED!
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YIKES Those are some strong words. Hateful?? Wow, what is going on, I swear its the almost full moon! Okay everyone after me, IN WITH THE GOOD AIR~ OUT WITH THE BAD! 
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| Kassandra | Mar 25 2013, 08:41 PM Post #50 |
Is the meadow on fire?
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Funny, this is why I deleted more than 60 people on my facebook. I "unfriended" everyone that isn't someone that is either a real friend (someone I regularly see, or would have over to my house) or someone that was a significant part of my life in the past, or family. People who actually KNOW me and that I think at least slightly care about my well being. That and a few horse people I know that have a personal interest in my horse updates (like Flora's breeder). There was way too much cattiness...and just voyeurism. I think it's funny I was banned off here by probably the most horrible con-artists that was ever on the board! I came back mainly because of Fishy. Who I will say once again is one of the most amazing people I have ever met IRL, and makes me feel like a better person for accepting me as a friend. I also get the feeling there are other really special people on here and it's fun to interact with them. I would miss then if I disappeared. And I would miss you ghh if you disappeared. |
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| SnackPack | Mar 26 2013, 08:42 AM Post #51 |
You're BANNED!
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Hrmmm...so that explains it. (although I am hardly catty or voyueristic.) IIRC, there were words about the actual GHH that hurt GHH. The words weren't necessarily hateful but they weren't flattering either. This is also people that are in the same circles IRL, so it can get complicated quickly. |
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| Kassandra | Mar 26 2013, 09:49 AM Post #52 |
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Is the meadow on fire?
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Yes sp, I made a decision based on some of the things I read, I realized I just wanted facebook to use for family and keeping contact with close friends. I was nervous about doing it, I was scared people like you that I like online would take it personally, but I needed to do it for myself. I figued it was best to interact with internet friends via the groups and bulletin boards. Phase two starts next week, getting rid of real people in my life that post political things that disgust me. And the choice whether or not to delete my bio mom. |
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| Kassandra | Mar 26 2013, 09:54 AM Post #53 |
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Is the meadow on fire?
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Oh gosh sp...nothing I read from you! It just got messy so I made a checklist, and some people who I like got caught in it. Probably half the people I deleted were nice, interesting people. But I had to make it an across the board desision, and now have very specific criteria for who is a friend. A bunch of people were ex co workers and I really liked them. But they belong on my linkedin. A ghh, I hope things get better for you soon. |
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| BABYGREENTB | Mar 26 2013, 09:57 AM Post #54 |
It'll be an adventure! We're going on an adventure!
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I can't stop myself from responding to this since I feel like you're calling me and/or others that we both know in real life "mean girls," and I take offense to that. I can only speak for myself, but I feel like I tried to support you until I just couldn't anymore because your actions were impacting others I care about. For the record, the things that people called you out on were: A - Continuing to horse show at both rated and schooling shows, buy expensive tack, etc while not meeting your financial commitments to a local trainer and vet B - Making inappropriate comments regarding another rider whom people knew IRL and felt were kind of nasty No one judges you for losing your job or getting behind on your bills. Sh*t happens. Playing the victim in the case seems a little far fetched though. I am not made of money, nor did I marry it - the implication that only people who have such financial advantages can be responsible adults is ludicrous. Look - I love this board...I have met some amazing people who have been very generous to me in real life through our connection here, whether it's been FG sharing her expertise in graphic design and experiences with adoption, JustMagic leasing the wonderful Miss O to me, VXF & Lion sending me the sweetest card & flowers when Ian had to be put down, SP sharing her experiences with saddles, and RH becoming a close friend - I'm thankful for it all. However, I think this is the kind of problem RH is referring to in her post - someone playing the victim in a situation they are clearly not a victim and soliciting support and sympathy without anyone doing a realistic sanity check on whether what they are saying makes sense. None of us are perfect, and the support on this board for it's members is wonderful, but it has to be ok to have conscientious objections & debate. Otherwise, what's the point? |
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| BABYGREENTB | Mar 26 2013, 10:05 AM Post #55 |
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It'll be an adventure! We're going on an adventure!
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Also - GHH, you have done the right thing in leasing out your horse and making amends. I applaud you for that. You're not a victim in this situation though. |
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| BABYGREENTB | Mar 26 2013, 10:55 AM Post #56 |
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It'll be an adventure! We're going on an adventure!
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:shrug: You're the one who brought it all back up Glad to hear you're making amends. As I said before, I applaud you for that & wish you the best. |
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| ShadowMare | Mar 26 2013, 11:02 AM Post #57 |
We're on a bridge, Chaaaaaaaaarlie!
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This thread has evolved into various different folks with situations they feel needed clarifying, which is a righteous thing in and of itself, as it points out that there are undercurrents of unhappiness and unrest (which some of us were not aware of). I know I have not posted much in recent months, but I have lurked and read (or had the DH read it to me) quite a bit, and so at least I am fairly up to date on the postings if not any of the IRL stuff. I would just personally like to state this much on the original issue in this particular thread: Fishy should not be slammed for using the nickname "Crazy Legs" as she did NOT mean it in a vicious way, and clearly stated so and apologized for any misunderstanding after some of you said you thought it was negatively meant...sometimes the written word can be misinterpreted because there's no voice tones or facial expressions, etc. I think it's clear she meant no real nastiness. I have never heard anything from her that would indicate she is a 'mean girl' and much more that she is a 'kind girl'. I want to reiterate this one thing, and it's one area I do have some real experience in: the theater is full of nicknames, whether it involves beginners or pros. And, with experience in plays, musicals, dance presentations, etc, for many decades in big and small venues all over the USA I can truly tell you that if anyone is called CrazyLegs it is 99% of the time a compliment/positive...and there are truly nasty nicknames in the theater, I assure you...actors/dancers/musicians really can be very destructive and backstabbing. I never, ever interpreted what Fishy said in a negative light. She has apologized for any such possible interpretation, so it seems that the apology should now be well accepted and we all move along and enjoy the funny, positive, interesting person she is. She merely wanted to share her first recital. If you are going to be "in the theater" in any way (even behind the scenes) you better get a thick skin. But Fishy was not being nasty. I am not up on anything which happened with GHH or anyone else here that has happened behind the scenes of the board. But, I think the feelings about this being a place that is too positive or "just patting the backs" might want to be mitigated with the idea that many of us WANT a positive, supportive place to chat, ask questions and brainstorm, etc. If this board has just gotten to be a "circle jerk" and those who are here want to step more to the middle, then let's DO it...not run off or just declare this board "dead". It's up to us...the community...to change it. Many of us have been here for years and so we do share our lives and activities and ups/downs. YES, we should be able to discuss things with different viewpoints and even 'argue' but frankly I am here because I HATE the often purposefully destructive and b!tchy, destrutive attitudes on TOB. If the ORIGINAL intent of this board has been lost, then isn't it up to those of us who are still here to re-direct it back to that vision rather than call one another out for IRL stuff but not really explain it all and so it just ends up that most of us are knowing there's an "upset" but have no idea what it is really regarding...what does this accomplish? If someone has done things IRL, then folks should take that up IRL. Bad, nasty or misdirected behaviors certainly should be dealt with, and if there's duplicity or games, then call it out if you want to do so and then deal with it. No one needs to be badly treated and/or dissed and then should sit back and act like nothing ever happened. I don't think many of us would do that with close friends or family...because the relationships either need to grow and worked through or elimnated (which I can read some of you are doing...brava, that is a good thing, sometimes!). As to some specifics posted on here regarding criticism of GHH and anything she may have done...may I point out that all of us at one point in time or another have gone off the rails in some manner? At least I know I have! If she is taking care of her mistakes or incorrect decisions, she SHOULD be given support and some praise because she's putting on her big girl panties and dealing with CORRECTING it. She cannot change the past, none of us can. What we CAN do is change our current and future decisions and behaviors, make amends if need be and move on to do better and grow as a person. GHH has shown she is trying to do better, I think. Let her do this. I like this board and hope that this hiccup actually is a constructive turn in the road to returning to the original intent, voice and vision of TOC. And, I am hopeful that many who just now lurk will again post and bring their vibrancy back to the board. I know many here are on FaceBook, but not all of us are or want to be and this is a viable, good community. We all have good things to share, whether it is shared experiences, good advice or support or criticisms (done civilly). I think we were, are and can be a better place than TOB. |
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| gunnar | Mar 26 2013, 11:09 AM Post #58 |
You're BANNED!
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Well stated sm! |
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| RHowell | Mar 26 2013, 11:11 AM Post #59 |
You're BANNED!
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Oh good grief, I step away from the computer to clean my house and I've caused a sh!tstorm. I didn't identify you in my post GHH, so if you want to self-identify as someone who throws pity parties without telling much back story, well, have at it. But you also prove my point. We think it's all well and good to say unkind things when we think no one knows who it is (like you being snarky about one of Lion's friends IRL)...but then it's an attack when we think we know who it is. It would be really nice if people could be the same way all the time, regardless of whether we think someone is watching or not. Me, I'm pretty much a straight shooter in real life, same as the bulletin boards. You can call it mean, you won't be the first one to say that, but there's one thing most people who know me will stack hands and swear by--when I believe in someone you'll find no more loyal supporter, even if it's not a popular opinion. Hence, my unflinching support of VXF. But she's earned it. I'm not sure whether or not you're referring to me when you talk about the manners police who keep you from coming around here, but since I've barely posted at all since the baby was born until this week, I don't know how I could be responsible for you not wanting to post. To me, it just sounds like more melodrama....like the threatening to deactivate your account and then coming back and posting immediately. I'm also not sure whether you're refering to me when you reference marrying money, but the majority of my horse show career since I became an adult was funded off of my own sweat and tears. For years I'd work all day at a law firm, leave work in the evening, go home, load the horses on my truck and trailer (entirely funded, again, off of money I earned myself), drive my horses through the night to drop them off at the horse show and then be back at my desk the next day on 2-4 hours of sleep. I never took off of work. When I left the law firm where I spent most of my career, they had to pay out 2 months of vacation because I never took any...my horse show career was handled after hours and on weekends for years and years and years while I worked my ass off so that I could ensure that I would have the money to support the horses and pay my bills. There were times when I showed in Jax, FL where I worked all day, drove through the night and arrived just in time to show the next day. On no sleep. All funded off the sweat of my own back. I was fortunate enough when I had the baby to stay home and now my husband's salary pays for the horses, but I've done this sport for most of my life as unmarried, extremely driven, and through personal sacrifice. As some person was unkind enough to post about me on horseshowspy at one point, I funded the purchase of Atti by refinancing my home. No one handed me that horse, no one bought him for me. And no one handed me the house that I used to finance the horse. As a matter of fact, since I got married, if anything, I've shown less, started jumping smaller jumps and have actually bounced down the horse show ladder. So, just in case you were referring to me, you must be missing the back story. I wish you the best of luck in making amends. I hope you continue down that path. |
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| RHowell | Mar 26 2013, 11:14 AM Post #60 |
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You're BANNED!
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sorry, I was posting at the same time as ShadowMare or I would have posted comments in response to her too. SM, I don't think that V attacked FC. Her comments were questioning, but I didn't see it as an attack. What got my hackles up was that FC attacked V for her comments. Attacked her character. That's what got me upset, which spurred my post, which spurred this whole debate. I'm not mad at FC for her original post, I'm mad about her attacking V for commenting on it. She could have disagreed with her in a polite manner and explained herself just like you did, but instead she said V had a knack for turning opportunity for positive into negative, which is an attack on her as a person. The end. |
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