| Welcome to The Outside Course! You're currently viewing our forum as a guest. This means you are limited to certain areas of the board and there are some features you can't use. If you join our community, you'll be able to access member-only sections, and use many member-only features such as customizing your profile, sending personal messages, and voting in polls. Registration is simple, fast, and completely free. Join our community! If you're already a member please log in to your account to access all of our features! |
| Dress rehearsal - ballet video! | |
|---|---|
| Tweet Topic Started: Mar 21 2013, 10:40 PM (2,669 Views) | |
| RHowell | Mar 22 2013, 08:05 PM Post #31 |
You're BANNED!
  ![]](http://z1.ifrm.com/static/1/pip_r.png)
|
Look at the Board. Look at all the Boards on here other than the Hay Loft. They go months and months with no posts. It's changed from a horse board where people aren't supposed to be snarky to a board where people who initially had the common interest in horses talk mostly about non-horse talk, and a lot of it, well it's grousing. I know it's been great for you and a lot of other people, and me too for sure, but I think it's also easy for people to lose perspective and at least to me, the board has started coming across as a bit co-dependent in the constant grousing about others and needs for pats on the back. Which is generally ok, but sometimes the people others are grousing about are actually people some of us know in real life, and then when that happens the "we're all nice" doesn't really look very even handed--we're just nice to each other, but not to outsiders. Like when someone on here posted negative comments about a pony from a trainer a lot of us know and love. Or another poster who throws a lot of personal pity parties and gets a lot of support around here, but some people who know 'em in real life know a little more back story about the bed that poster has made for herself (including some readers of the board who don't post and saw it) at the expense of not being thoughtful to or respectful of others (who read without posting). V infuses some reality from time to time, but it's never negative. What does this all mean? Well, it means that "be nice" should mean "be nice to everyone and that means people who aren't known posters here" because it's a two way street. If it's just about being nice to other posters, and not to people in general, well, then it's really not that nice of a place after all. And jumping on V because she mentioned that calling "crazy legs" "crazy legs" may not be so nice and then saying that she turns things negative and trying to turn it on her, well, that's just its own form of not being very nice and I'm going to stick up for her as one of the most even handed people I know. When I'm grappling with a moral decision, ethical question or some other personal dilemma, she's one of the first people I turn to for some honest soul-searching. I adore her, respect her, and I'm not going to have anyone imply bad intent to her without saying "hey, that's not right". Edited by RHowell, Mar 22 2013, 08:07 PM.
|
 |
 
|
| AFireInside | Mar 22 2013, 08:20 PM Post #32 |
Don't mess with her, she has a fire inside
|
Completely off topic, I had this happen to me recently when my BFF DIDN'T do what you did and stood by while the train wreck went on for days. I wish I had a friend as good to me. Edited by AFireInside, Mar 22 2013, 08:23 PM.
|
|
|
|
| gunnar | Mar 22 2013, 08:46 PM Post #33 |
You're BANNED!
|
Since I never ride or see my horse I have trouble posting much! I appreciate TOC listening to me and my troubles! I love V and respect her opinion too! |
|
|
|
| Fish Cheeks | Mar 23 2013, 08:41 AM Post #34 |
You're BANNED!
|
Go away for an evening performance and look what happens! I was going to take Mr. Fishy's advice and just leave it alone but I do feel I need to say a few things. First, I apologize to V for lashing out in anger. It is something I struggle with (both the lashing out and the apologizing) in my life and it is always easier to just walk away and throw up my hands. But I do want to be the kind of person who can have a constructive conversation, so I apologize to you, V. I do want to say that while I understand your concern for this person, which is kind of you, there is more to the back story and relationship that developed after my very first video post that you are not privvy to and her moniker was in no way intended to be an insult. Since you don't know me in person, you don't know that I would never intend to post something of a mean-spirited name-calling nature. That being said, you read into it what you did and stood up for her, which is a nice thing to do. Regarding the circle-jerking  - well, I guess I'm confused. Maybe I'm not understanding what you meant by it, but isn't that what a lot of people here do (babies, new job, new house, new horse, losing weight, first horse show, marathon, triathlon, etc.)? Yes, v, you are right - in this thread I did only want positive replies about my performance. I don't know, to me taking up a new thing like dance . . . which I've always wanted to do . . . which I'm not very good at . . . which points out to me my physical flaws and makes me feel like a blob . . . is a brave thing to do. And then to go perform on stage when I don't like to be the center of attention is a Big Deal and I was kind of hoping for some support and back-patting because it is rare for me to say I'm proud of myself for doing anything at all and having all my hard work and practice culminate in a performance on stage, that I may never do again, was something I was proud of. I will repeat that I think that everyone in my class did an amazing job and Madame and the advanced student who was also in the spotlight are lovely dancers whose abilities (obviously) far exceed what I could ever hope to achieve. Regarding co-dependency - I don't know if I'd take it that far, but then again I don't know most of you IRL. Sure, I can look at someone's situation and read about what they're saying online and get frustrated and want to grab them by the shoulders and shake them and say "snap out of it!" and "here's what you ought to do" (insert Mr. Fishy imitating my father here). But in the end, I see this as just a place to vent. Sometimes that's all one needs to do. Maybe there are a lot of back-stories going on that I just don't know about so I'm farther removed from it. That's all I've got to say and now I'm out of here. We had a great performance on our opening night - all the performances were really fantastic and it opened my eyes to a whole new group of people and passion/lifestyle that is fascinating to me. Off to this afternoon's matinee, followed by an evening performance, then home for a big glass of vino and some chocolate and kisses from Mr. Fishy! |
|
|
|
| RHowell | Mar 23 2013, 03:59 PM Post #35 |
|
You're BANNED!
|
I know you said you're out, but you seem a bit confused by what I said, so I'll clarify. By circle jerk, what I mean is, the mere fact that V stepped outside of the circle of everyone patting each other on the back to make a statement that she thought the nickname posted in conjunction with a beginner ballet class might not be the nicest thing "warranted" you saying that she "had a knack" for turning an opportunity for positivity into negativity to me means that anyone not patting each other on the back would themselves then be attacked, be made to feel "unwelcome" and that culture of needing everyone to always be 100% positive to the point of being fake (i.e. stifling people from making a politely worded comment of dissent) is a form of co-dependency (i.e., we're all going to pat each other on the back no matter what so that when it's our turn we'll be patted on the back no matter what). For me, being positive is not just patting each other on the back, but protecting those who don't have a voice on here. I'm all for people supporting each other, I'm all for celebrating new achievements, supporting each other through trying moments in our lives, but it gets a bit cliquey when you think V attempting to add some thoughts for consideration from time-to-time makes her "have a knack" for turning positive into negative, which is pretty much an attack on who she is, not one comment, in one context, in one moment. |
|
|
|
| FlashGordon | Mar 23 2013, 04:36 PM Post #36 |
You're BANNED!
|
TOC has been a great place... And I am not trying to make this thread or post about Me Me Me! BUT over the last 6 months I have been reflecting on my activity here cause I do feel like the tone of the board has changed somehow, though I can't put my finger on it. I do wonder how I've contributed to it and how it can evolve back into something more... productive? I remember distinctly being the target of a thread years ago, on a mean-spirited board that was frequented by some peeps from TOB. A friend directed me to the posts and I was horrified! Someone apparently thought Dan's death had been fabricated in an attempt to garner attention and sympathy. Given the state of grief I felt in the weeks after his death, that really hurt. It definitely changed my perspective of the internet but also reminded me to be a bit more guarded with my feelings when I post. I know I've definitely lost sight of that on TOC and have a tendency to ramble on about my personal crap-- for my part any negative juju around here, I truly, sincerely apologize. (And I am not saying that just to have folks go "no flashy it's ok we love your personal crap!") I probably should have started a private blog years ago, lol! I guess as someone shy/introverted in real life, I've often used the internet as a means to be social and cultivate friendships. I've used The Hay Loft to vent... for sure... it has always felt like a "safe place" and I admit my threads have often had kind of a journalistic quality in the sense that they become a brain dump for me (emotion dump?) However it is easy to forget this is not a private forum! On the flipside, I do know a lot of people on TOB in real life and realize they can easily find me here by my recognizable username, so I try not to post anything that I wouldn't want someone IRL to read. I don't know anyone from TOC in real life, but consider lots of you my friends. You guys have gotten me through some crazy things-- My pregnancy, Makena's Kawasaki's, Colton's troubles last year. You were all a great support group and so many of you have offered me awesome support and advice over the years! I often come here for advice from intelligent, independent, strong-minded women... That is typically WHY I reach out to you guys.. smart, realistic advice and out-of-the-box ideas. That is the BEST aspect of the board, and I hope we don't lose that. |
|
|
|
| Sannois | Mar 23 2013, 05:10 PM Post #37 |
You're BANNED!
|
Well since you are all going there.. LOL As a former trouble maker, or at least I was banned once many years ago, It was fun back then. LOL I stayed away from the board in the past year because as someone above said, The few times I would drop in a lurk there seemed to be nothing but complaining about one thing or another. Then I would pop in and say hi to folks, and chat a little, and go away for a while again. I cannot be a good judge of what has gone on here, cause I am not here enough. It .. okay, here goes, and this is just a feeling, like others have said everyone patting everyone on the back? WEll sometimes I got the feeling it was a bit phoney. Just a feeling, and that is from the internet, not saying at all that people are not genuine. But we have lost a TON of people in the last few years. I don't know, like I said I am not here enough to judge. And for what it is worth, I never saw Susans first Video about the Crazy legs comment, and reading it in the comment on the Performance thing went right over my head. Did not think a thing of it, as a matter of fact all I thought was crazy long legs. Okay my 2 cents.  
|
|
|
|
| vxf111 | Mar 23 2013, 06:17 PM Post #38 |
You're BANNED!
|
Sorry to jump back into the fray, I just got back in front of the computer. I always took the "be nice" attitude of this board to mean that we aren't unecessarily snarky or back-biting. That doesn't mean we can't disagree. It doesn't mean we can't call people out if we think it's appropriate-- but no matter what we post we do it in a polite/kind/constructive way. Which is what I tried to do. Just say "hey, you might want to consider the impact of what you say" followed by well-wishing for the performance. I *thought* that was the spirit of the board. We don't lie to each other, but we are nice. What value is there in having people to bounce things off of if they're scared to be HONEST? I will say, lately the board had become very odd. Like, narcisism central (I actually think Rachel's analogy is pretty apt, if not a little gross. LOL). It's not a discussion. It's just a place where people post expecting to be FAWNED ALL OVER. Anything short of fawning and gratuitous back-patting is not appreciated. Discussion is not appreciated. Polite difference of opinion is not appreciated. Either posters bow to the alter of the OP or don't post. No one is really talking to each other at anything beyond a superficial level. One person is just posting their mememe and everyone else is supposed to chime in youyouyou and call it a day. Now, I am not saying all posts are like that or all posters are acting that way... but there's does seem to be a trend in that direction. It also seems to have become totally unhorsey. Aside from the "update me on your horses" thread, hardly any discussions relate to horses in any way. It's... odd. I do really appreciate the apology, FC. Maybe my tone didn't come off well over the internet and I am sorry if that's the case. You seem to be a genuinely kind person and it just occured to me that you have to walk a REALLY fine line when posting videos/photos of other people and maybe you didn't realize how your use of the term might be interpreted. I'm happy for your dance class and I think it's a nice thing to do. I just wanted you to think for a minute from the POV of someone else coming across the board/comments. Not only the ones you made but the comments your post then caused/led to. If YOU felt vulnerable putting yourself out there... think how you'd feel if you were the other classmate of yours in the video. She didn't even POST it and she's being put out there for comment. With some comments that, even if not intended to be negative, could be read that way. If you felt vulnerable... imagine how she'd feel. If there's a backstory none of us know, then there's a backstory none of us know but I still don't think it's a polite thing to do. I also really appreciate the vote of support from Rachel and others. When this board started, it was like some of the best of COTH without the overmoderation. Over time its gotten very... odd and I just don't post as much any more and probably will less in the future. The dynamic here is just WEIRD. Not blaming anyone in particular. Not even saying it's wrong. It's just less interesting to me. I like to discuss horses. If that's not what happens here, there's not much for me to discuss. Edited by vxf111, Mar 23 2013, 06:22 PM.
|
|
|
|
| gunnar | Mar 23 2013, 06:19 PM Post #39 |
|
You're BANNED!
|
I do not get this! I come on the TOC to ask for support with my current shitty life! Not sure why that is a problem! No circle jerking but a place to vent and ask for support! Guess the rest of you have perfect lives or many friends to vent to! I have neither! I truly believe FB has been the downfall of TOC! |
|
|
|
| vxf111 | Mar 23 2013, 06:23 PM Post #40 |
|
You're BANNED!
|
I certainly don't think ALL the posts have falling into the narcissism-circle-jerk... I just think the board is, as a whole, trending that direction. There are certainly exceptions. |
|
|
|
| Sannois | Mar 23 2013, 06:31 PM Post #41 |
|
You're BANNED!
|
I think you hit the nail on the head, I said it felt phoney, but what you said is the thing I was trying to put my finger on. And Steph, NO not directed at you, she did say not all. I do not think Face book has anything to do with it. JMO. |
|
|
|
| FlashGordon | Mar 23 2013, 06:36 PM Post #42 |
|
You're BANNED!
|
Well, FWIW, I do like the interaction with my TOC friends on FB. It is more conversational, somehow less formal, and I feel like I get to know different aspects of their personalities, interests, intelligence, etc. in a different way. But I dunno if FB is necessarily the downfall of the board. I do wish there was more horse chatter on here... I tend to end up back on TOB for that, and TOB kind of has a weird vibe a lot of the time, but at least there is a lot of equine talk going on. I tend to like TOC for the more personal friendships/off-topic conversation. |
|
|
|
| Kassandra | Mar 23 2013, 06:43 PM Post #43 |
Is the meadow on fire?
|
I just think there is a time and place for everything. Fishy being proud and sharing her ballet video was incredibly brave, it WAS the time to just be nice and positive IMO. I understand that V read things the way she read them and I understand her point, but it might have been handled better by either being brief or doing it privately. fwiw I don't think this board is overly fake or a complete "circle jerk". I think people have asked for opinions and gotten honest ones. The comments I received on my thread about dealing with my co-worker were not all positive and some were dose of reality. I took all of them in and my relationship with my co-worker is all the better for it. But I think in this case Fishy really put herself out there, and she is rightfully proud of her accomplishment and deserving of nothing but positive support (she's not trying to be professional or perfect). And Her comments about "Crazy Legs" were meant with affection. |
|
|
|
| gunnar | Mar 23 2013, 06:44 PM Post #44 |
|
You're BANNED!
|
I disagree! I have no horse talk to give! FB has drawn most peeps away! Not just TOC FB but just in general! I like TOC because I can discuss non horse issues! I have seen my horse 3 times since July! What can I say about my horse? Not much! |
|
|
|
| SnackPack | Mar 23 2013, 08:40 PM Post #45 |
You're BANNED!
|
I tend to think TOC isn't super horse related anymore because a lot of us on here are the "advice-givers" on TOC rather than the question askers. We all know quite a lot about horses, and have pretty good professionals in our horsey lives, so there isn't a ton of need to ask the questions. Therefore it becomes about updating on what we are currently, which quickly gets rah-rah which I don't really think is bad. I LOVE hearing what everyone is doing with their horses. FWIW - I think TOC has too many forums. If we were a larger community, sure, we need them all, but we aren't and they seem unnecessary. I forget to even look at the other forums. ('Course, even at TOB, I usually read H/J only, sometimes Eventing and maybe some Horse Care or Breeding on occasion). I'm pretty exclusively on The Hay Loft and The Barn Aisle....and it's not that I don't want to include the Drivers...but there seems to be just one and the health posts are infrequent, etc. I think part of the ease for me is that I only "know" a few of you and the chance to run into most members is very small. You easterly folks, however, often know each other in real life and have a broader depth of experience/knowledge with each other. Then someone vents or asks for support but frames the story as they see fit, leaving out information and well...it can get weird quickly. Maybe that's not accurate, but I can say I've always felt that way about both TOC and TOB. I'm isolated...and I don't think it's a bad thing. |
|
|
|
| 1 user reading this topic (1 Guest and 0 Anonymous) | |
| Go to Next Page | |
| « Previous Topic · The Hay Loft · Next Topic » |
9:46 AM Jul 13