speak to me about life in your 20s

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speak to me about life in your 20s
Tweet Topic Started: Feb 2 2013, 07:56 AM (1,549 Views)
SnackPack	Feb 5 2013, 11:20 PM Post #31
You're BANNED! Posts: 4,570 Group: Members Member #238 Joined: January 8, 2007	gunnar Feb 5 2013, 10:06 PM I cannot afford rent elsewhere I scream I yell it makes no difference. Serious conversation this morning make no difference. If they leave I will be here all alone. Bro is still not here. I can no longer post on FB as they take huge offense. Exactly why I am posting here. I appreciate any and all support! I'll come mediate on your behalf. Don't scream and yell. In horse terms, it's like the person pulling on the leadrope that is still getting dragged everywhere. We all know it doesn't take drama to get horses to behave. It's "energy" so to speak. You cannot demand respect or yell/scream to get it. You have to project the energy that deserves respect. The "This is my house with boundaries you will respect or you will leave" energy. Doesn't take words at all. Just like with a horse: You step toward them, they back away. Think of them like animals that needs some training. BUT, you need to decide which is worse: living alone or living with them. If you are afraid of living alone, you will never have their respect because you will be willing to accept unacceptable behaviour. If your brother refuses to come, then he's got no say at the moment...and you need to get on with gettin on. Do what you need to do to get the house sold without him. Until you start making changes, you are going to be stuck there with no way out. You need to MAKE the way out. Make things happen. Again, I hope this doesn't sound callous, but I worry for you. You sound miserable and like you're stuck. Do not let yourself be a victim. Make things happen so you can move forward.



Reynard Ridge	Feb 6 2013, 03:01 AM Post #32
Drivin' The Short Bus Posts: 2,934 Group: Members Member #237 Joined: January 8, 2007	snackpack Feb 5 2013, 10:06 PM Again, I hope this doesn't sound callous, but I worry for you. You sound miserable and like you're stuck. Do not let yourself be a victim. Make things happen so you can move forward. Gunnar, what SP said. I understand that you feel like you are between a rock and a hard place with animals, no job, no place to go, brother won't step up. But, the only person who can change your circumstances is you. Your brother isn't going to step up and the low-life living in the house aren't going to shape up because you shout at them. So, time for a paradigm shift. Edited by Reynard Ridge, Feb 6 2013, 03:02 AM.



Trialbyfire	Feb 6 2013, 04:17 AM Post #33
You're BANNED! Posts: 5,272 Group: Members Member #250 Joined: January 8, 2007	SnackPack Feb 5 2013, 11:20 PM If your brother refuses to come, then he's got no say at the moment...and you need to get on with gettin on. Do what you need to do to get the house sold without him. Until you start making changes, you are going to be stuck there with no way out. You need to MAKE the way out. Make things happen. Again, I hope this doesn't sound callous, but I worry for you. You sound miserable and like you're stuck. Do not let yourself be a victim. Make things happen so you can move forward. Exactly this. What will it take? Make a list. Honestly, best and worst case scenarios - write it down. Personally I'd spend a weekend cleaning house and put it on the market as is. It sounds like living in this house is not helping you in any way, shape or form. It's gotta go. The "squatters?" They gotta go as well. Did you sell your old house? What happened with it (I can't remember?)



gunnar	Feb 6 2013, 06:58 AM Post #34
You're BANNED! Posts: 6,490 Group: Members Member #236 Joined: January 8, 2007	Thanks you guys. I don't really scream and yell. I am going to call the realtor today. At least get some ideas. TBF we sold our house last August. That is why I moved up here. I look forward to my future away from here! Not sure what else to say!



Reynard Ridge	Feb 6 2013, 10:52 AM Post #35
Drivin' The Short Bus Posts: 2,934 Group: Members Member #237 Joined: January 8, 2007	gunnar Feb 6 2013, 06:58 AM Thanks you guys. I don't really scream and yell. I am going to call the realtor today. At least get some ideas. TBF we sold our house last August. That is why I moved up here. I look forward to my future away from here! Not sure what else to say! Is there any kind of life counseling service you can find up there, Gunnar? I'm a "planning" sort of person, so it would be really important for me to decide where I wanted to be in ten years (house, job, marriage, social life, etc), and then map out a plan to get there. Changing your life is all about taking the reins and making it happen. But, I think you are in a place where it would be hard to kickstart that without someone to offer some advice, insight, ideas. I don't know anything about how the social work system works, but is there some kind of government agency who would be willing to help you think about constructing a plan? Someone who might be able to offer some ideas of how to get out of this spot that you are in? I mean, you are a reasonable, smart grown up who just wants to have a job that will pay the rent and put food on the table in a place where you can have a social life. It seems like you are just the sort of person a social worker would LOVE to talk to: someone who really does want to help themselves, but needs a little guidance on the best way to go about it.



gunnar	Feb 7 2013, 07:10 AM Post #36
You're BANNED! Posts: 6,490 Group: Members Member #236 Joined: January 8, 2007	Thanks RR! Not sure there is anything like that up here. Very backwoods spot. There are only 400 peeps in pt arena. I have a plan once I can move 2 hours south of here. I will have support from good friends! Up here I have no friends. I have met some nice people but just casually. I has a good day yesterday. Spent most of the day away from the house. A walk, a fish taco, met some nice fisherman. Some days are harder than others. By getting out and about my day is better. We are slowly cleaning up the property. Some progress at least!



gunnar	Feb 12 2013, 08:10 AM Post #37
You're BANNED! Posts: 6,490 Group: Members Member #236 Joined: January 8, 2007	Just a small update. My brother is finally here! Nice to have an ally in the area! He is sick so I expect he will rest today! I have been sick for a while myself. Nasty cold going around up here! Onward and upward starting today! Thanks for all your support!



vxf111	Feb 12 2013, 08:55 AM Post #38
You're BANNED! Posts: 6,368 Group: Members Member #325 Joined: January 10, 2007	gunnar, I have not been following your situation at all. So please forgive my ignorance. But it sounds like a really unhealthy environment. And aside from that, not ideal. Would it be possible to find a decent job, save up a couple of months, rent a smallish apartment close to the job, and move out. Maybe not your dream job or the world's most exciting job. Maybe not the world's greated apartment and just a little studio-- but your corner of the world where you could live without all the drama. It may sound like a big undertaking, but I am thinking start small-- just a decent basic job even if it's "below your level" to get back on your feet and established in a new area. Pretend you're a college student just graduated, moving to a new area, starting fresh and working your way up. I know you're not... but you have to start somewhere and setting small, manageable coals might be the ticket?!



gunnar	Feb 12 2013, 09:17 AM Post #39
You're BANNED! Posts: 6,490 Group: Members Member #236 Joined: January 8, 2007	I will do that after I can move away from here! I plan on that happening in the next couple months. Just been stuck up here for 6 months. No jobs up here. Nothing up here! But hippies and surfers! Things are looking up today! Thanks for caring!



Barn Girl	Feb 12 2013, 09:35 AM Post #40
It'll be an adventure! We're going on an adventure! Posts: 2,347 Group: Members Member #1,230 Joined: July 5, 2007	gunnar, so glad your brother is finally there. I hope he stays long enough to get the big things done that need doing so that you can get the house on the market when he leaves! Is there any way to have a realtor meet both of you at the house while he's there? I'd definitely try to do that ASAP so that y'all can prioritize the repairs/cleanup. I remember you are an accountant, can you prepare tax returns? Now would be a good time to find some seasonal work, and I'd think even in a tiny town there'd be a need for tax preparers. OP, I don't have anything to add except for the fact that in my 20's I was definitely still figuring things out. I did have a lot of fun in the process, but looking back I was really stupid about a lot of things. I'm 41 and while I'm fairly "settled" I still sometimes feel like I don't know what I want to do when I "grow up"!



gunnar	Feb 12 2013, 09:52 AM Post #41
You're BANNED! Posts: 6,490 Group: Members Member #236 Joined: January 8, 2007	I spoke with the realtor a couple days ago! We need to clean up the mess before anything else. That has slowly been happening! I will look into the tax work. I have not done individual taxes in many, many years! Like 15 years! I will survive without a job for now! Once I move south that will be my priority for sure! For now things are way better! I appreciate everyone's advice and kind thoughts!



FlashGordon	Feb 12 2013, 09:56 AM Post #42
You're BANNED! Posts: 6,855 Group: Members Member #2,251 Joined: December 3, 2007	Glad your brother is there to help you now... just keep pushing forward. I agree with V, the sooner you can get out, the better.... even if it means any job and and any apartment! Hang in there girl, brighter days ahead...



vxf111	Feb 12 2013, 10:00 AM Post #43
You're BANNED! Posts: 6,368 Group: Members Member #325 Joined: January 10, 2007	Check Craig's List. With your background, someone in your area might even appreciate some part time/temporary HELP this time of year. Even if it's administrative stuff. Anything to stash a little cash, get out of the house, get something new on your resume etc. You'd be surprised what people will hire for when you call them in the beginning of the "rush" season!



gunnar	Feb 12 2013, 10:01 AM Post #44
You're BANNED! Posts: 6,490 Group: Members Member #236 Joined: January 8, 2007	FlashGordon Feb 12 2013, 09:56 AM Glad your brother is there to help you now... just keep pushing forward. I agree with V, the sooner you can get out, the better.... even if it means any job and and any apartment! Hang in there girl, brighter days ahead... I cannot move until we are done with this house. Plus my big dog will not live in an apartment! That is why I moved up here. I could not find a place that would take 2 cats and a large dog! Not a place I was willing to live at least or that was not super expensive! At least up here I have no rent! Things are heading in the right direction now!



Won for Me	Feb 12 2013, 10:25 AM Post #45
Is the meadow on fire? Posts: 1,658 Group: Members Member #1,149 Joined: June 18, 2007	Steph, would you be able to do some horse farm work? I was thinking of farms that have small residences (house or trailer) who need a caretaker type situation. Maybe it is someone who just needs someone to feed horses on show days or something. Most of those situations are open to pets. Maybe California doesn't have any openings for something like that, but other areas of the country would. Even the type of situation where you have a job, but they reduce rent for the feeding/farm help. Our farm has a super cute rental house. We also have boarders who help feed for a reduction in board. I don't think the farm owner puts farm workers in the house, but that is what got me thinking about it. I think everyone has offered good ideas. It is nice to see the online support.



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