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| Depression; advice? | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Oct 6 2012, 07:37 PM (1,016 Views) | |
| Jersey Fresh | Oct 6 2012, 07:37 PM Post #1 |
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Off visiting Candy Cave, be right back.
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I've had a rough year. It hasnt gotten much better since the whole cheating exBF incident earlier in the year. I've struggled to find happiness in my life. I thought I was doing ok but I am not. Its not just him, theres been some things at work that have resulted in some anxiety issues with my job and that has taken a toll on me too. And just a general feeling of all of these little things that keep adding up to snowball to be big things. Ive dated a little bit and the last guy I dated I really felt something good with dumped me out of the blue because he didnt feel like his heart was in it. So now I'm terrified to even think about dating... Ive never felt so unhappy before. I am at the point where I am eewaring on my friends and family. I cant look myself in the mirror. I dont even want to ride. I frequently go to bed without dinner and end up having to force myself out of bed in the morning. Its like a numbness that I feel that makes me just want to get up and get through the motions of the day. The thing I look forward to most is going to bed because then its one more day I've gotten through. I used to be happy and fun and strong and confident. And now I cant stand myself. I know this is all a lot to share online but I guess I was just looking for some advice or help or just ideas of how to feel better? The things that usually make me happy arent doing it for me. |
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| Kassandra | Oct 6 2012, 07:55 PM Post #2 |
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Is the meadow on fire?
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That is a lot to share, it must be really hard. I'll just say that I have been there, seriously. I've been to the deepest, darkest places. The way I got through it was to do something really radical in my life. I went through one particularly bad period when I was in Scotland, and I literally bought a train ticket, packed a back pack, and took off on my own travelling through Scotland for several weeks. It was one of the best things I ever did for myself. I have up and moved cities, states, countries. I have quit toxic jobs without another job lined up. For me I just find myself feeling stuck, and I have to get unstuck. The good news is you WILL get through it, you really will. |
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| Kassandra | Oct 6 2012, 08:10 PM Post #3 |
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Is the meadow on fire?
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OMG JF, I think I just gave you advice to run away! Didn't mean it to come out like that. It doesn't need to be that extreme... |
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| Reynard Ridge | Oct 6 2012, 10:21 PM Post #4 |
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Drivin' The Short Bus
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JF, I am really, really sorry you are having such a rough go of it. I can't offer any advice, beyond the obvious: the group here is incredibly diverse and WILL have good ideas for you. I can only offer my support. You can speak openly here, and you will be supported. Please, do use that! I can't imagine what you are going through, but maybe it feels better to write about it?
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| Jersey Fresh | Oct 7 2012, 03:35 AM Post #5 |
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Off visiting Candy Cave, be right back.
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I just needed to write everythign down instead of pretending I'm ok. I have been relying heavily on my friends, who are amazing, but after the thread about friend advice, I wonder how much longer they will take it. Its little things but its adding up to be just this constant downward spiral. Things that shouldnt be that big of a deal but ar causing me to feel lower and lower each day. Like I cant get a break. And the work anxiety isnt helping much either, its covering any joy I find in my job. I know I have a lot and in the grand scheme of things, I am very lucky. But I cant shake this funk and I have myself so worried about what next will go wrong, I dont sleep through the night and I dont want to get up in the morning. The biggest thing is that riding isnt fun right now. I have no motivation to go ride my horse. Thats the big red flag for me. |
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| Trialbyfire | Oct 7 2012, 05:27 AM Post #6 |
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You're BANNED!
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First of all ![]() You are right - you can't pretend it's ok. Not wanting to ride is a huge red flag! Not wanting to do anything sounds like depression. The best thing you have done is to admit it, because I think people go on, numbly, for years and convince themselves they are not depressed. I'm not sure why - maybe because it sounds too hard to tackle, or maybe because there is a stigma about getting help? Talk to your dr. and find a good therapist/counseler. I think a lot of primary doctors often prescribe mild antidepressants without insisting that the patient seek therapy, but I think that is a bad idea. Not saying that if your primary suggests antidepressants you should refuse them - it might be what you need to take the next steps to find a therapist, get your work life in order, etc. But you won't want to stay on meds forever - so you need someone to help you push on and change some things that are contributing to how you are feeling. And then that person can help you to know what to do next... One step at a time. I agree with RR that I am sure there are people here that have better advice. In the meantime, the rest of us can be part of your support team!
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| MayaTy02 | Oct 7 2012, 05:46 AM Post #7 |
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You're BANNED!
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Having just gone through this with a family member, it does sound like real or "clinical" depression. I would highly encourage you to seek a therapist or social worker and get help. The person I have dealt with ended up being prescribed anti anxiety and zoloft and it has helped alot. However it is a long struggle, and though they feel better, they are not back to normal yet. We had the same symptoms though, loss of weight, not wanting to get out of bed in the morning, not enjoying the things they love anymore and getting extremely upset by the slightest negative comment, or perceived negative comment. Get help... you can and will get over it, but you need professional help to do so as your brain is not cooperating... it's not just something you can shake yourself out of.
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| gunnar | Oct 7 2012, 07:58 AM Post #8 |
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You're BANNED!
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Awe honey! I am right with you. I went to a therapist then group sessions. What I got out of it was ideas on how to change my mindset! I was prescribed a drug but I chose not to take it! Now my cure is a 3 week solo trip! I am lonely but I am better! Really hope you can get some help! We all love and support you! |
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| Kassandra | Oct 7 2012, 09:01 AM Post #9 |
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Is the meadow on fire?
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I just have to say that from my perspective the way you are feeling is perfectly NORMAL. You don't have a chemical imbalance, if you didn't feel the way you do THEN I would think you have something wrong with you. What you went through is the ultimate betrayal and would throw anyone for a total loop, it really hits you at your core. What I would want to do is figure what old hurt or pain or experiences this has brought back up to the surface you might need to deal with. Not to get all Oprah on you, but people come into our lives to teach us something, and sometimes it really sucks. But I truly believe if you can figure out the lesson here your life will be so much better than before. |
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| Fish Cheeks | Oct 7 2012, 10:33 AM Post #10 |
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You're BANNED!
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I agree with Kassandra here. While it is not a pleasant experience to go through depression, it is a natural human emotion, and one that is expected after what you've been through. I don't think that it would be helpful long term to go on medication without some sort of supportive talk therapy. I would suggest finding a therapist whom you can work with to talk through how you are feeling. While your friends love you and want to support you, a lot of times friends will tell you what you want to hear in an effort to make you feel better; and, long term, it isn't fair to them to expect them to fill the role of counselor. A good therapist will help you work through feelings, help you find patterns, help you develop tools, give you homework for exercises, etc. (can you tell I've been through therapy?!) I actually think more people should be in therapy! I'm sorry you are going through this right now. I also don't want you to feel like there's anything "wrong" with you - you are having an appropriate reaction to a traumatic situation. For your own mental health, though, you need to get help working through this - you don't have to do it alone. You can always come here for support!
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| Trialbyfire | Oct 7 2012, 11:35 AM Post #11 |
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You're BANNED!
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I don't want to hijack this thread but I don't know that anyone really knows why some people suffer from depression - it could be a chemical imbalance in response to a variety of situations (stress, trauma, etc.). Certainly many people experience traumatic events and don't have symptoms of clinical depression, so I think it is somewhat of a mystery as to what is really going on. We know that people respond differently to situations of stress - which does produce changes in body chemistry - (some people get ulcers, some people lose weight, some people gain weight, etc.) I think depression is another symptom of stress/trauma that may or may not affect an individual. I think we all agree that finding a good therapist is the best solution, but I don't think it is necessarily bad to consider taking antidepressants under the supervision of the right doctor. Anyway, I just wanted to chime in again - I think that if you find the right therapist to work with, you will know if you would benefit (or not) from any forms of medication.
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| JanM | Oct 7 2012, 01:16 PM Post #12 |
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Off visiting Candy Cave, be right back.
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Please go get help right now. And if you find a therapist you don't like or just doesn't seem to be the right fit, then switch therapists and keep trying. There is nothing wrong with getting help from a qualified therapist, or taking some chemical prescribed help for a while either. Everyone on here cares about you, and you need to take care of yourself now, and get help to get through this. The only problem is not feeling well and not getting help. You don't have to go through this alone, and you need to act now. Everyone needs help at some time, and getting help can give you coping skills that will help you for the rest of your life. You deserve to be treasured for the special person you are, and you need to be kind to yourself. |
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| jillincolorado | Oct 7 2012, 03:34 PM Post #13 |
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You're BANNED!
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I must agree about not getting on any medication without having supportive talk therapy I did this once and thought it worked, the talk therapy would have made things INFINITELY better! They go hand in hand. I hope you can find some answers and get going in a good direction. It takes time. I also think it's very brave of you to come here and "put it out there".
Edited by jillincolorado, Oct 7 2012, 03:35 PM.
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| Jersey Fresh | Oct 7 2012, 03:53 PM Post #14 |
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Off visiting Candy Cave, be right back.
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Thank you everyone. I had a good friend who is like an big sis/mom type to me sit me and down and talk to me today because she knew something was up. Shes been there, done that and said a lot of the same things you all have said. She also said go talk to someone again. Im usually happy and unbeat and really excited about things, but lately I've really hit a low. I think last night I may have hit rock bottom. I cant do this, I need to feel better to get back to what is really "me". This is not. I went to the barn after I talked to her and grabbed Marcus, climbed on him bareback and road off into a field. He grazed and I sat on him and cried. Between that and the talking to my friend, I felt a bit better. Its amazing what a horse can do for your hurting soul. I have little desire to much more than that right now. It really helps to know that its not abnormal and others have gone through this. I feel like a nut because I cant fix it. I feel like I am totally not me right now and I havent felt the same since before the exBF incident and start of my rollar coaster of a year. |
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| lives2jump | Oct 7 2012, 04:08 PM Post #15 |
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Shunnnnn the unbeliever. Shunnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn.
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I did this once and thought it worked, the talk therapy would have made things INFINITELY better! They go hand in hand.

7:24 AM Jul 11