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Reality Check
Topic Started: Apr 25 2012, 03:08 PM (456 Views)
Reynard Ridge Apr 26 2012, 10:24 AM Post #16
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Drivin' The Short Bus
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 As others have pointed out, you can't judge a relationship by what you see.

It must be equal parts weird and heartbreaking to watch a marriage splinter - particularly when one party doesn't want it to end. But all you can do is be supportive to the hurting parties and try to learn from what you perceive their mistakes to be.

My marriage is in a weird place right now - we're living in different countries and just don't spend much time together. The good news is that we both recognize that this is undesirable and are planning to change it as soon as reasonably possible. And the time we do spend together we try to make pretty high quality couple/family time.

Honestly, if "30-year old me" were going through this, I could easily imagine the marriage crumbling. I was a pretty crappy 30-year old. Luckily, I'm much older and wiser. Not perfect of course, but a much more understanding human now than 17 years ago. So, while it's not the best case scenario, I have no doubt that my marriage will survive something that would wreck a lot of marriages.

And, yeah, I really do LIKE my spouse. He's a particularly upstanding citizen of the human race. :hug:
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Chezzie Apr 26 2012, 12:54 PM Post #17
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Magical Leopluridon
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LostFarmer
Apr 26 2012, 08:45 AM
Chezzie
Apr 26 2012, 07:19 AM
LostFarmer
Apr 25 2012, 03:45 PM
No drunks, wife beaters, no cheats, nothing that would lead me to think that there is any irreparable damage.
I don't know about the other ladies here, but I think I have a right to expect more from my spouse than that he isn't an alcoholic, doesn't abuse me, and doesn't have sex with other women. That's setting the bar a little low, don't you think?
I meant that as going both ways. None of the parties have been unfaithful, physically abusive, or substance abuse. (I do realize that abuse doesn't have to be physical and I don't know if there is any of that.) To me most things can be worked through as long as the biggies aren't there.
It absolutely goes both ways. My husband should and does have higher expectations of me than that.

And FWIW, I don't always believe divorce is a bad thing. My parents divorced when I was 15 after 17 years of marriage. I never saw them fight until the week they decided to split up...and neither did anyone else. But with the clarity 21 years of distance provides, I can see that they are both much happier and better suited to their second spouses. It's not always "tossing out" so many years...people change, and relationships end. Sometimes everyone, including the kids, ends up in a better place.
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