Welcome Guest [Log In] [Register]
Welcome to The Outside Course!

You're currently viewing our forum as a guest. This means you are limited to certain areas of the board and there are some features you can't use. If you join our community, you'll be able to access member-only sections, and use many member-only features such as customizing your profile, sending personal messages, and voting in polls. Registration is simple, fast, and completely free.


Join our community!


If you're already a member please log in to your account to access all of our features!

Username:   Password:
Add Reply
I just don't get it.; friend troubles
Topic Started: Sep 13 2011, 06:06 AM (475 Views)
FlashGordon
Member Avatar
You're BANNED!
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
I have a friend (not a horsey friend) who has three children. I've known her about 6 years, and at first, it seemed we had a lot in common and I really enjoyed her company. All three children are adopted and two have pretty significant special needs.

Over the last 3-4 years, it seems her and her family are *constantly* plagued by serious health issues. Now I know I am not one to talk, after this year!! But literally, every week, someone is in the ER, admitted to the hospital, or in the ICU. Often it is some kind of staph, yeast or other infection in an IV port or something that becomes serious. The two children with special needs are usually the ones sick, though her husband seems to have a lot of random stuff going on too. I know they've spent several years going up and down the east coast looking for a diagnosis for whatever he's got going on. She is usually not ill, but has had a few accidents, one which involved her falling down the stairs and breaking both ankles.

Every member of the family has a Caring Bridge site. Her Facebook statuses are updated multiple times a day with medical details for whatever person might be in the hospital at that time. She knows the doctors and nurses at her local hospital by name and refers to the hospital as Hotel "X". Right now, for example, her husband is in the hospital with some inexplicable infection and she is on her way to the ER with her youngest kid who "is having trouble breathing." This is all a daily/weekly occurrence.

Something about the whole situation just doesn't sit right with me. I've given it the benefit of the doubt but lately I can't shake the feeling that something is NQR. Many of our mutual friends have pulled away, because things seem "off" somehow. I know at one point the agency through which she adopted all three children had some concerns, but I don't know that there was any formal investigation and don't think anything came of it.

I guess I am just venting, because I feel for the kids. I've gotten to know them and the whole thing makes me sad. Especially since two of the three children cannot advocate for themselves. I know they have health issues that increase their risks of becoming sick or having complications, but there are times where I am just left scratching my head.



Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
buryinghill2
Member Avatar
It'll be an adventure! We're going on an adventure!
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
This reeks of Munchausen by proxy, or on that spectrum. :( It can occur in varying degrees.

I've seen it a bunch of times at my job.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
jillincolorado
Member Avatar
You're BANNED!
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
buryinghill2
Sep 13 2011, 06:57 AM
This reeks of Munchausen by proxy, or on that spectrum. :( It can occur in varying degrees.

I've seen it a bunch of times at my job.
That's what I thought too. :(

Your gut is probably (sadly) correct, Flashy. Also, if they have Staph frequently someone is probably harboring it in the household and re-infecting everyone. They can test and treat everyone for that ;)
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Trialbyfire
Member Avatar
You're BANNED!
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Ack! That is scary! I wonder what the appropriate way to deal with "outing" someone with Muchnausen's is? Do you ask point blank? It would seem that a doctor might be clued in a litle?? :huh: :huh:
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
AstonMartin
Off visiting Candy Cave, be right back.
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
I couldn't think of the name, but thats it.....

It is sad in some circumstances as well as you see (in my line of work) some children who develop that 'sick' mentality when perhaps (and this is just a guess) ...if they had just had someone to support them and tell them that they're mending (as opposed to staying sick) they would heal or re-adjust much quicker.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Kassandra
Member Avatar
Is the meadow on fire?
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Well, as Oprah says ;) Your gut is telling you something. This sounds like a HUGE problem, and as we often find out too late, the crazy and horrible shit that some people do to each other knows no bounds.
Edited by Kassandra, Sep 13 2011, 07:28 AM.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Won for Me
Is the meadow on fire?
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
It certainly sounds like Munchausen by Proxy and both the husband and the wife are afflicted. Whenever I hear of someone young(er) falling and breaking bones, my mind always goes to alcoholism and/or drug dependency.

There was a very frequest poster on TOB who had Munchausen by Proxy with her horse. My best friend (who was an MD) and I used to talk about it and every week it was something new. Now, there are accident prone horse, but this was way over the top. The horse had wild illnesses too, not just your average lameness. I saw her at an event one time and she was going on and on to who would ever listen about that week's issue. I think in her case, she didn't want to ride the horse so he was laid up.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
FlashGordon
Member Avatar
You're BANNED!
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Yeah I guess my instinct is that this is some form of Munchausen. Gosh.... After what we went through with our kids this year, I cannot IMAGINE enjoying any bit of it.... it was truly the most stressful experiences of our lives and hubby and I are still dealing with the emotional fallout and the strain it put on our relationship.

At first it just seemed like bad luck but after years and constant drama, and a lot of times, never any real hardcore diagnosis... just a lot of random, vague stuff.... infections and things... it just makes you wonder what is truly going on. Whether it is something like Munchausen or neglect in caring for the kids' picc lines and such.

I know this sounds awful but I just keep hoping someone will say something, or clue in the authorities. I feel incredibly sad for the kids, two of whom have pretty severe special needs. I know they have talked about adopting again but I don't think they'd be approved at this point just given the amount of crisis they seem to already have on their plate.

A lot of our mutual friends have stepped away, I have tried to maintain a relationship because I didn't want to jump to any conclusions, but I think I'm at the point where I just can't feed into the drama anymore. She seems to have moved on to a whole different set of "new" friends who are doing all the things we used to-- meals, babysitting, fundraisers, etc. anyway.
Edited by FlashGordon, Sep 13 2011, 08:42 AM.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
FlashGordon
Member Avatar
You're BANNED!
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
WFM, I have a "friend" who is like taht with her horse also. He was a fantastic Children's hunter but is now reduced to a pretty sad existence because his owner is obsessed with forever finding various obscure lamenesses/illnesses. And she will just bounce from one vet to another until she gets an eval she likes. So weird!
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
stephjm
Member Avatar
It'll be an adventure! We're going on an adventure!
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
That situation does not sound right at all. I think your gut is right (and I think you have a pretty accurate gut). I am not qualified to say whether this is Munchausen's or not, but from what I know it could be that or something like that. At the very least, with all these infections and stuff running through the kids, if it were my family I'd have everyone tested, the house disinfected from top to bottom, etc. Seems if someone has kids with special medical needs, they would pay even more attention to cleanliness, infection control, etc. than someone with kids who have "normal" immune systems.

And to seemingly be "fine" with all this medical hubbub? That is definitely NQR. I tend to not freak out over medical things with my kids (at least on the outside and in public), but I am never "fine" with it.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Reynard Ridge
Member Avatar
Drivin' The Short Bus
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
FlashGordon
Sep 13 2011, 08:42 AM
Yeah I guess my instinct is that this is some form of Munchausen. Gosh.... After what we went through with our kids this year, I cannot IMAGINE enjoying any bit of it.... it was truly the most stressful experiences of our lives and hubby and I are still dealing with the emotional fallout and the strain it put on our relationship.


I think with mental illness, we can never imagine what is going on.

I don't have a single word of advice for you, FG. :no: I wish there were some way to alert the media, as it were, to get the family the help they (probably) need. But I don't have the faintest idea how.

It just sounds so heartbreaking. :no:
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
DairyQueen2049
Member Avatar
DRAGON BREATH. DRAGGIN' BUTT
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
It could be the house they live in - mold will make you sick!!

Was it a crack house? THAT will make you sick!

Trying to think of other reasons here.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
FlashGordon
Member Avatar
You're BANNED!
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Yeah good point DQ, except they have moved several times over the last few years. We had mold in our last house and I am 99% sure it was a big component of my own health troubles.

The whole situation is sad, I hope there is some resolution someday, though I am not sure what that would be. :(
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
jillincolorado
Member Avatar
You're BANNED!
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Well flashy, the bell went off for me whan you said, "each and every one of them has a care page with updates..."

My first thought was, "who would have the time to post about all that stuff with those things going on!?". Perhaps it's kist me but that sounds...off.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Deleted User
Deleted User

jillincolorado
Sep 13 2011, 12:08 PM
Well flashy, the bell went off for me whan you said, "each and every one of them has a care page with updates..."

My first thought was, "who would have the time to post about all that stuff with those things going on!?". Perhaps it's kist me but that sounds...off.
Exactly....attention-seeking behavior. I don't know much about Munchausen's (sp) but I think that is a component? IDK. Poor kids.
Quote Post Goto Top
 
1 user reading this topic (1 Guest and 0 Anonymous)
Go to Next Page
« Previous Topic · The Hay Loft · Next Topic »
Add Reply