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| How to help a friend?; husband passed away yesterday | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Nov 28 2010, 12:06 PM (477 Views) | |
| MAR | Nov 28 2010, 12:06 PM Post #1 |
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Thomas H. Cruise!
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And it was bad...he basically drank himself to death...died of liver failure, and fought with her about getting help til the end. She is a trainer and and I have offered to help any way I can, but this just sucks...everyone knows that he basically killed himself slowly in front of her. Or they had no idea at all and when they ask why he passed...well, ugghh!! What would help you if this happened to you, to not talk about it all? Or what??? |
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| Buryinghill1 | Nov 28 2010, 01:31 PM Post #2 |
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You're BANNED!
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If you are comfortable talking to your friend about her husband, than go ahead and talk. Listen first. Listening is an important skill! Have her over for a meal - nothing big - like breakfast or lunch or maybe coffee. Relax. If she needs to discuss her situation, this can give her the opportunity to do so. Here in the south we'd send her home with a bag of homemade cookies, or a small casserole! Then keep in touch. Don't force yourself on her - be available. |
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| CDE Driver | Nov 28 2010, 03:20 PM Post #3 |
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It'll be an adventure! We're going on an adventure!
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I can't think of any better advice than you got from Santa. Very sorry for your friend
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| ELF4AM | Nov 28 2010, 03:23 PM Post #4 |
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Schooling
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Hugs from an elf who is afeard to sign off and log in again as self (forgotted my word of passage). Just being there will help. And saying "liver failure" is a truth when talking suicide by alcohol. |
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| Barn Girl | Nov 28 2010, 04:20 PM Post #5 |
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It'll be an adventure! We're going on an adventure!
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Yup, what Santa said. Coincidentally, I'm going to a small memorial gathering on Sat. for a childhood riding friend who just died of the exact same thing... she was less than 2 weeks away from turning 35. So very sad, she was a great rider and a sweet girl-- I hadn't had any contact with her for years but apparently she had MAJOR alcohol issues. to you and your friend.
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| MAR | Nov 28 2010, 04:22 PM Post #6 |
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Thomas H. Cruise!
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Wow BG, that just bites. This fellow was in his fifties. I am just so sad and mad for her |
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| Barn Girl | Nov 28 2010, 04:38 PM Post #7 |
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It'll be an adventure! We're going on an adventure!
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Yeah, I really couldn't believe it when I heard. I mean, just how much do you have to drink to kill yourself before you turn 35??? I'm sort of hoping her relatives aren't there-- I'm not sure what the appropriate thing to say would be other than "I'm sorry". Having been in a relationship with a drunk/addict for a while, I unfortunately know all too well the heartache of it all. I really, really loved the guy but I had to leave to save myself, I couldn't take it anymore. I believe in my friend's case, that her family had also distanced themselves in recent years, which makes it that much more awkward as far as what to say to them. |
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| doubledare | Nov 28 2010, 05:20 PM Post #8 |
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Shunnnnn the unbeliever. Shunnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn.
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I would suggest things to do. When my father died after a short illness many people said call me if you want to do something, but I could not call. One friend called me and said let's go to dinner and a movie. I will pick you up at x time. One of the best things anyone did for me. |
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| Black Tack | Nov 28 2010, 05:30 PM Post #9 |
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You're BANNED!
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Ya I agree with the others who said get together and just talk/listen and be there for her. I think it's important to talk about the person as well. Just a bit so that you open the door for them to continue if they want. Often people steer away from talking about the departed and I think it's important for the loved ones to have someone to share their feelings with. Good luck to both of you. Very sad. |
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| Boston | Nov 29 2010, 04:59 AM Post #10 |
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It'll be an adventure! We're going on an adventure!
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That is just awful. I don't really have any advice, short of just being there for her, but she will be in my thoughts and prayers. |
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| santa | Nov 29 2010, 08:05 AM Post #11 |
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I Visited Candy Mountain and All I Got Was This Lousy Incision
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If your friend celebrates Christmas, maybe she and her family would join you for brunch? Or a Christmas Eve meal? Or hang out in the front yard and wave at me when I do a fly by. |
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| DairyQueen2049 | Nov 29 2010, 12:32 PM Post #12 |
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DRAGON BREATH. DRAGGIN' BUTT
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OMG right during the holidays. Try to take some time to just listen - and I know it's cleshe' (how do you spell that?) but food = yes! |
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| headlesshorseman | Nov 29 2010, 12:57 PM Post #13 |
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You're BANNED!
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Sorry to hear about this... I say GO OVER and have a chat and bring some of her favorite things to eat..even if it makes no sense.... Snickers and ice cream....or Fried chicken and waffles... ....Super sad FOR SURE.... HH
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| Fish Cheeks | Nov 29 2010, 03:46 PM Post #14 |
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You're BANNED!
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Mr. Fishy lost his wife before me. Of course the initial bringing over of food is appreciated, but what helped him from good friends (after a certain amount of time) was someone calling up and saying, "We're going to dinner and a movie" or some other type of getting-out-and-about plan. Also, he said that everyone wants to help in the beginning but after a month or so people tend to go on with their lives and forget the widow(er). Keeping your friend in your thoughts and keeping in touch not only now but in the future is important.
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| MAR | Nov 29 2010, 03:53 PM Post #15 |
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Thomas H. Cruise!
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Yep, I figure right around Christmas is really going to suck for her. Thanks for all of your suggestions. |
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![]](http://z1.ifrm.com/static/1/pip_r.png)



So very sad, she was a great rider and a sweet girl-- I hadn't had any contact with her for years but apparently she had MAJOR alcohol issues.



7:07 AM Jul 11