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| Well intentioned, non-horsey family...; I really do love my mom. | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: May 20 2010, 01:00 PM (870 Views) | |
| FlashGordon | May 20 2010, 01:00 PM Post #1 |
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You're BANNED!
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My mom is the type of person who wants so badly to help that she kind of goes overboard and meddles. It really doesn't bother me as I've spent the last 29 years learning how to deal with it. Her heart is always in the right place even if the meddling gets out of hand.But.... she's been harping on me for awhile to figure out a new situation for Win. She doesn't get why I spend the $ to keep him when I'm not riding, have "other priorities" etc. Since Baby #2's arrival she's back at it, pestering me to re-home him. Unfortunately she's gone so far as to give my name and number out to 64365 random people telling them I have a free horse I want to give away. Last night she came into my room and said "Oh a friend of a friend has horses and is looking for more, and I gave him your number. He said he definitely wants Win and can come pick him up this weekend!! Isn't that GREAT?!?" I was like yeah great, pick him up and take him straight to Canada or what?!? I KNOW I've got a lot going on and I KNOW keeping a horse I can't ride and can barely get out to see is not exactly financially responsible, I suppose, with two kids now and reduced work hours. Especially because now I am also paying someone to groom, longe, etc. just to keep him in decent shape. Would I consider letting him go to an appropriate home? MAYBE. Would I let some random dude I don't know and have never met come and pick him up this weekend, ABSOLUTELY NOT! I can't even get mad at her about it because this is just.... her. I told her last night that being 3 weeks postpartum, I'm not in the mental/emotional state to make any major decisions right now, about anything, horse included!!!! Hope ya'll don't mind the vent.... being the only horsey person in a totally unhorsey family has its challenges. I knew that I'd be getting flack once baby arrived to give up on the horse thing for awhile but ugh I'm just so tired and don't want to hear it right now! |
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| Corey94 | May 20 2010, 01:06 PM Post #2 |
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Off visiting Candy Cave, be right back.
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Don't mind at all, and I totally get it. I have a friend who thinks she knows better what I should be doing with my horse...um, thanks, but I'm all set!!! |
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| OpticalIllusion | May 20 2010, 04:50 PM Post #3 |
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You're BANNED!
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Ugg, that sucks, Im sorry. Does he need to stay in shape? I cant remember exactly his physical issues. If your not riding him, and he can just hang out in the field for now, that may save you some $. I think you should hold on to him, at some points down the road, he may be your 'out' when you need you time. |
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| Indy | May 21 2010, 05:30 AM Post #4 |
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You're BANNED!
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Vent away! We totally get it. |
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| DairyQueen2049 | May 21 2010, 05:40 AM Post #5 |
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DRAGON BREATH. DRAGGIN' BUTT
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FG You know your mom means well, even if she is being heavy handed and one sided. She loves you. And you loves her. And you loves Win. Ultimately, with all that love, she'll 'get it' and know its all good. |
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| FlashGordon | May 21 2010, 05:49 AM Post #6 |
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You're BANNED!
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Thanks guys.... DQ you are right, she'll figure it out..... I just don't think being 3 weeks post-baby is a good time to be making ANY big decisions, horsey or otherwise. And like OI said I will need the outlet of horses/barn/riding more now than ever, even if it is just getting out there 1x a week. She means well, really, she just.... doesn't get it, LOL. |
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| naters | May 21 2010, 06:19 AM Post #7 |
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It'll be an adventure! We're going on an adventure!
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Tell her naters, and the rest of TOC, collectively say, "WTF". |
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| Little Diva | May 21 2010, 08:10 AM Post #8 |
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You're BANNED!
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Flashy, you are right, this is NOT the time to be making big decisions about anything. You also have a move coming up soon too, don't you, so your plate is overflowing right now! Although you know how to handle your mom, tell her that Win belongs to YOU and YOU will decide what to do with him and that right now he is HAPPY, and well cared for and that is all that matters. I know how hard living in a non-horsey family can be
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| FlashGordon | May 21 2010, 09:26 AM Post #9 |
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You're BANNED!
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Ha naters I like that approach. ![]() LD you are correct, we are moving in a month! We have so much going on. Win is happy and well cared for, the board costs are manageable, I'm just not up to making any decisions right now regarding his future, my riding situation, etc.! I am a little stressed out with everything we've got going on so I know she is only trying to "help" simplify life for me, but still. So I'm trying to politely ignore her! |
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| Delia | May 21 2010, 09:36 AM Post #10 |
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You're BANNED!
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Oh Flashy, I feel your pain. I didn't even tell my mother I bought Nelson. She would have just looked at me and yelled, "WHY???" If she persists, can you tell her in a nice way that you know that she's trying to help you, but it's actually making things more stressful with everything else you 've got going on right now? Would she understand that if you analogized it to rehoming her dog? |
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| SnackPack | May 21 2010, 01:11 PM Post #11 |
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You're BANNED!
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My friend's MIL is like this. Let's call the friend Fran to simplify things (I was going to pic Suzie, but well...there is a Suzie here ) When Fran married, MIL figured the horse habit would be left behind to be a wife. She found out that wasn't going to happen. Then when Fran had kidlet #1, the horses were DEFINITELY going to get left behind. Um, nope. That didn't happen. Then kidlet #2. Same thing. MIL does a lot of daycare for the kids...BUT she will only watch them if it's because Fran is working. If Fran is taking a lesson or wants to do a little horse show? MIL won't watch them...even if it's on a day that she would normally be watching the kids. I respect her right to say no to watching the kids, but making it contingent on what's going on? Ugh. Fran needs the time away. A lot of her social network was with horse people...she's by no means hurting for friends, but she misses the community. She takes one lesson every other week and maybe rides one other day in that two weeks. As Fran's friend...it totally pisses me off. Mothers are people too. They deserve to spend their money how they want to not how someone else thinks they should. Having hobbies/interests outside of their kids/husbands is HEALTHY. Tell mom to drop it. It;s none of her business. Edited by SnackPack, May 21 2010, 03:58 PM.
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| FlashGordon | May 21 2010, 01:20 PM Post #12 |
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You're BANNED!
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OMG Snacky I love you. The horse thing is the *only* interest/hobby/outlet I have left. That is why I choose to keep even a retired/old/sometimes-lame horse. Because if nothing else, it means I get to spend a few hours a week on my own, outdoors, often with friends. Strangely my dad, with whom I've had a rocky relationship, has always understood this. My mom, my MIL, my sisters, and non-horsey friends do not get it at all. I'm very conservative when it comes to my spending on the horse, and I work extra hours to cover his expenses. I work hard to make sure he's not a financial burden on the family budget, so that no one can tell me the $ would be better spent elsewhere. And truthfully, I could be spending the $ on anything else-- salons, clothes, dinners out, a gym membership, etc.-- and people wouldn't bat an eye. But for some reason because it is a horse people get weirded out by it. When I got married, I sold my horse thinking it was the grown-up thing to do. I was miserable. When we adopted Little FG, I ended a lease on a very nice horse, because I thought it was the grown-up thing to do. Once again, miserable. So this time around, I just.... don't want to go down that road again. I'm already emotional and tired and feeling not like myself, giving up the horse will only make that worse I think! Luckily my husband loves Win more than I even do (lol) so at least he's on my side. *Delia.. my mom actually called a few hours ago ONCE AGAIN harping on about this friend-of-a-friend who wants a trail horse... I took your advice and said just what you said. I tried to be blunt but polite... She seemed to understand so hopefully she shuts up now... Edited by FlashGordon, May 21 2010, 01:22 PM.
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| Delia | May 21 2010, 01:51 PM Post #13 |
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You're BANNED!
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Fingers crossed that the message sticks with your Mom! As long as you and your hubby are on the same page, really, that should be the end of it.
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| jillincolorado | May 26 2010, 01:15 PM Post #14 |
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You're BANNED!
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I could not have survived children without a horse!!! I NEEDED the mental therapy break now and then and STILL do!!!! You're a saint because I would have lost it and told her to butt out. Ya know some people spend a good amount of money on memberships to the gym, therapy, shopping... a horse is no different. |
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| Fish Cheeks | May 26 2010, 01:56 PM Post #15 |
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You're BANNED!
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No additional words of advice, as I don't have kids that people think should supercede all other things in my life. I do get the parental units not getting the horse thing, though...even as an adult child! When I told my mom I was horse shopping (when I bought Mac), she said "Oh, no! Why? You don't need another horse!" I had to explain horse math to her so she would understand that I do need another horse and by the way it doesn't really matter what she thinks. Now my mom is a sweet and saintly lady so she didn't mean any harm, but she's not a horse person so she doesn't get it. They are just a part of me, a part of my life, a part of who I am. I LOVE doing my horse chores. I love going up to the barn and feeding and grooming or sitting in the pasture or cleaning horse poop or whatever. It is what I do, 'yo. Come here and vent all you want, you know we love you and totally support you. You are lucky that you have Mr. Flashy who is over Win. That touches my heart and you are so lucky! So give him a hug from the TOC ladies!
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![]](http://z1.ifrm.com/static/1/pip_r.png)
Her heart is always in the right place even if the meddling gets out of hand.
I was like yeah great, pick him up and take him straight to Canada or what?!?





) When Fran married, MIL figured the horse habit would be left behind to be a wife. She found out that wasn't going to happen.



7:09 AM Jul 11