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Coming to the end - update post 75, May 2nd; My mom's battle with cancer
Topic Started: Apr 20 2010, 05:39 PM (2,273 Views)
Indy
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3Bays
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:hug: :hug: :hug: RR, my heart goes out to you and your family. It is a terribly difficult time and I think you're doing quite well given all of your situation.

And,I so understand your feelings as I experienced similar things with my parents' passings in 2007 and 2008. But, I am still glad you were able to be there before she passed...believe me, show knows you are there no matter what it looks like. My Dad was so changed I didn't recognize him and the nurses had to prove to me I'd gone into the right hospice room (and this change happened in a very short period of time)...very disorienting to me. He, like your mom, was in a coma and I was sad that it may seem that I couldn't communicate with him. Imagine my surprise that whenever I would leave or re-enter his room that his breathing changed (became more rapid) and when I held his hand he would squeeze it occasionally. No, it wasn't neural reflexes...he responded to my statements and questions with his hand squeezes. I absolutely know he heard me, knew I was there and felt the love I was giving to him. Your mom will know you are there and feel the love you and your family give to her as well.

Odd as it may sound, though my short last visit (only three hours) with him was not what I had hoped for and was bittersweet, I treasure every single nuance and memory of that time with him. I know he heard me, I know we still connected and I was able to be there for him and he was not alone.

Difficult as this is (and believe me I totally understand how hard this is for you and your family) it is a privilege to share this experience with your mom. I send my prayers, hugs and strongest positive thoughts to you and yours, RR. :jingles: :candle: :rose:
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Lion1024
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FlashGordon
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Oh RR my heart goes out to you and your father. I can only imagine how difficult it is to be there at the end, and yet, in many ways I'm sure you are glad you got to stay with her through her last moments.

BH1, I am so incredibly sorry to hear about your dad! And I hope you are recovering ok from surgery. Big jingles to you as well my friend! :jingles:

All of our thoughts are with both of you guys and your families!! Hugs all around.

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Copper Leaf
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gunnar
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Oh RR my heart breaks for you. I went thru these types of scenarios with my Grand Parents. Much as I miss Mother, her sudden death was a godsend. no long lingering. I know you are strong and that you will get thru this. Hugs to you and your Father.

Today is Daddy/ Daughter day at my house. Every Saturday now I take Daddy to a local Bar/ Restaurant for lunch and beer. It is the highlight of his week and probably the only time he doesn't mention Mother! ;) I work a lot so my time with him is limited to a few hours in the evening. Saturdays are special to him! :hug:

Take care of yourself and yes I do believe she can hear you! :luck: :no:
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Delia
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RR -- I'm glad that you arrived safely. And as hard as it is, I'm glad for you that you got there before you mom passed. I know how hard the waiting is, and the mixed and difficult emotions you have. My dad was in a similar condition his last few days, and it was tough to be there watching him but also tough not to be there. My thoughts continue to be with you, your mother, and the rest of your family. :hug: :hug:
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Black Tack
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3Bays, that's a beautifull story. So good that you have those memories of that short time together.

Hubby's mum died of cancer a number of years ago and we stayed with her in the hospital room for the last 2 days and nights. I still remember that breathing and wondering if this is the last breath and being torn between wishing that it was and not wanting them to be gone. So understand your feelings RR :hug: :hug: :hug:

As many of you know, my mum has been in the later stages of Alzheimers for years. I guess since it was early onset, around 14 years ago she was still strong physically and has a strong heart. It is unbelievable to us that she still keeps on keeping on. She sure didn't want to be like this but what can you do? Although this is more long term, again it's those feelings of watching and wishing them a quick and painfree death and then almost feeling guilty for thinking that way.

Hugs RR, I have no doubt this is a very sad time for you :hug: :hug: :hug: :cloud9:
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jillincolorado
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I too am glad you arrived safely, and am also glad that you get some time with her, for your sake at least. Thinking of all of you from Texas and sending my best :hug: of support.

I think your thread idea is marvelous. Very therapeutic I would think, for all of us.

Edited by jillincolorado, Apr 24 2010, 06:24 PM.
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Witchy
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RR, I am so sorry. I don't know what to say, but know that you and your Father and Mother are in my prayers. :hug:
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Won for Me
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Angels on earth work for Hospice. I volunteered for a short period of time, but I was constantly in awe of the other volunteers. I am glad your mom is at a good one.

I am sorry for what you are going through...I can't imagine how hard it must be...

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Onelanerode
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Oh RR, I'm so sorry. I can't imagine how hard that is ... I can certainly understand feeling very torn about wanting her not to go yet wanting her to pass smoothly.

Hugs to you ... know that you're in our thoughts, and I know your mom is aware you're there, even if she can't express it. I'm so glad she is in a good hospice. They provide such an essential service and take such burdens away simply through being there.

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onwego
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RNB
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Oh Ellen, I am so sorry. Even though we 'chatted' often about our moms, the end is never easy. And even though we know the day will come, it is still hard for everyone. All of you have been in my thoughts and prayers for a long time...and I will continue to keep you there until they're not needed. My phone is always on if you need someone to talk to.
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jillincolorado
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Still thinking of you guys and sending lots of thoughts and prayers out to you, RR.
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