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Coming to the end - update post 75, May 2nd; My mom's battle with cancer
Topic Started: Apr 20 2010, 05:39 PM (2,270 Views)
Reynard Ridge
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Drivin' The Short Bus
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It has been just about two years since she was diagnosed with lung cancer. The diagnose at the time was quite grim, as she had been mis-diagnosed by her pulmonologist for almost 6 months. She was given 9 to 18 months to live and has had a pretty good quality of life for the past two years, so she's quite the fighter.

Living almost 10k miles away as we do is hard. We have spent as much time with her over the summers and holidays as we can, and the children have some really terrific memories of her at the beach in South Carolina and in Hawaii a year ago Christmas. I knew this Christmas that it would be the last time they spent with her.

I was able to go home for a week last month, so I had time with her while she was still able to communicate. I have been speaking to my father every morning for a while now, as the clock ticks down to her final hours. My husband I made the decision that I will fly out tonight. Likely she will pass while I am traveling, but I will be home for my father and for the funeral.

My family will stay in Nanjing; the trip is too difficult and the children require far too much attention during the travel and time change.

It is such a difficult thing, to lose a parent, to be so far away, to be unable to really provide support for my father, and to feel horrible about leaving my children behind for a week. My children are in the quite capable hands of their father, plus we have a strong community that will support and care for them while I am gone, so really, no worries, but as a mother, I don't want to leave them.

Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers. I certainly would appreciate some right now.
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AstonMartin
Off visiting Candy Cave, be right back.
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Reynard,

This is one of my fears of living my life in Australia. I love the way you wrote that and the stuff you have done to be close despite physical locational difference. I don't doubt that this is the hardest time or one of the hardest times in your life. I will say a prayer tonight for you and your family. I will wish your mother a peaceful passing and your father strength. I think you are doing the right thing by your children, although I can accept that it is a personal and difficult decision.

I never saw my grandparents on my mother's side when they were passing. I saw them in the hospital a few times, but not immediately before. Certainly not when it meant flying half way across the world. I remember them so fondly and am happy it happened as it did. I like my happy memories (but again, to each their own and i can respect all points of view on this). I should say that I was young at the time both passed. I could handle it today of course.

All my strength and prayers. Thinking of you....

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FlashGordon
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RR... You, your mom, and your family are absolutely in my thoughts. I'd been wondering how your mom was doing, and I am so very sorry to hear that her time is nearing an end.

A quick story, my daughter is just starting to figure out the ins and outs of family dynamics. She asked me today where my grandpa was. I sadly told her he was in heaven and she said "But it's ok mom, even if he can't come here to see you, he still loves you."

And it is true... Your mom's love and her memory will always be with you and your children. Her legacy will live on through you, and them, and she will touch your life every day even as she moves beyond this world.

Huge hugs to you and your family at this time. I wish you guys much peace.

:hug:
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Little Diva
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May you travel safely and swiftly. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. I am so sorry Reynard.
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Trialbyfire
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:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:
Sending jingles for safe travel and sending big hugs to you at this especially difficult time. :hug:

This is eerily familiar as my aunt was diagnosed with lung cancer only a few weeks ago and the family has been in a mad scramble to organize and figure out what is what; prognosis from 2 days to 4 years doesn't help much. :sigh:

From what I've learned about end of life care so far: it's much more difficult on the survivors. My aunt is more than ready to go should it be her time; it's the rest of us who are really struggling with this. In your mom's case, I am sure she acutely feels the pain of your conflict between being there for her and your dad, and being where you need to be. I am sure it is far more difficult for you than it is for her; I am sure she wishes she could make it easier for all of you. :hug:

Hoping you find some comfort along the way. I don't know what else to say. :hug: :candle: :hug:

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Fish Cheeks
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RR, I'm sorry to hear this and you and your family will be in my thoughts. Best wishes for a safe and easy journey . . . for both you and your mom. :hug:

I remember when I saw my aunt last before she passed away. It was very awkward, knowing that this was our final moment and that I would not see her again. We exchanged I love yous and said goodbye. I'm glad you've been able to have some wonderful moments with your mom during her illness. I'm sure she's treasured every moment. :hug:
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TarynJ
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Guiding your way to Candy Mountain, since 1873.
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:hug:
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goodhors
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So sorry to hear this RR. My prayers for you and your families. Loss of your loved ones gets easier with time, not better, but easier to bear. I will give my mom an extra hug next time I see her.
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Witchy
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RR, I am so sorry about your mom. :hug: :hug: :hug: I will say prayers for your mom and for your safe travel.
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incentive
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I am so sorry for you and your family. Sending many :hug: :rose: :hug: :rose: :hug: :rose: :hug: :rose: :hug: :rose: and wishes for a safe journey.
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coriander
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You and your family are in my thoughts. I wish I had magical words of solace, but I do not. Even as adults, the loss of a parent is a great loss, which i imagine is compounded in your situation by distance. I hope you can take comfort in knowing that both your parents appreciated the time you spent with your mother when she could communicate, and the efforts you took to allow her to see your children in spite of the distance.

My thoughts are with you and your father at this sorrowful time. Know that you have much support here at TOC.
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3Bays
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:candle: Oh Reynard, I am so sorry to hear of what is happening and my prayers and thoughts are with you and your family and your mother and dad. It's very hard to know one's parent is dying and the loss of our parents is one of life's most difficult passages. But, it sounds like you have made the most of the time you and your mother could have in the circumstances and you have done fabulous mothering yourself in being sure your children had that time and those memories to carry in their minds and hearts the rest of their lives. I wish you a safe and secure journey and my thoughts go with you as you step through this with your mother and dad. My best to you. :rose: :hug:
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Kikki
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It'll be an adventure! We're going on an adventure!
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~Hugs, Thoughts, and Prayers~
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Onelanerode
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I am so sorry to hear this, RR. One of my coworkers lost his wife to lung cancer last fall. It happened very quickly ... a matter of months. And what was said earlier about it being harder on the survivors ... :sigh:

Hugs to you and your family. Be safe on your trip and know that we're thinking about you! :hug:
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MissBri
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But, I don't care - it's 5:00 somewhere
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oh RR my heart goes out to you.

I was with my Mom when she passed back in 94 - it was a very difficult passing. Although physically gone, she is still here in so many ways. When I returned home to MA from FL, I called my Dad every day for about a year, it was very hard on him. He was just so lost without her.

Big hugs for you and your Dad :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

and many prayers for all of you :candle: :candle: :candle: :candle: :candle: :candle: :candle: :candle: :candle: :candle: :candle: :candle: :candle: :candle:
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