LIfe stages...

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LIfe stages...
Topic Started: Nov 7 2009, 05:58 PM (143 Views)
alltheprettyponies	Nov 7 2009, 05:58 PM Post #1
I Visited Candy Mountain and All I Got Was This Lousy Incision Posts: 112 Group: Members Member #4,705 Joined: March 16, 2009	I am not quite sure what is going on in my life...but, I consider this a 'stage'. I have a really really lovely mare who has been in professional training for years (excellent, honest, reliable ride). She is truly a wonderful horse and I care about her well-being. However, I have completely lost interest in horses, riding, etc. for the most part. I enjoy being around them and grooming/hanging out. Other than that I don't really care for it anymore. About a year ago she got a really terrible case of white-line and I was at a 'show only' barn. So, I moved her to a lay-up facility when I ran into a load of t-r-o-u-b-l-e!!! The BM decided I was an unfit owner and took my horse as her own. She also decided that my tack/belongings weren't mine anymore. My family took over (lawyers, judge, sherriff, etc.) and she was fired by the BO (for harassing me, lying, breaking/entering, stealing and trying to hide the stuff throughout the property, etc). Moved my horse to a new barn and rehabbed her. This barn is everything I could ask for: great care, nice turnout, excellent feed/hay, etc. I just cannot bring myself to be an active owner like I was before. My horse is great but when she isn't in a program we don't click. I usually go out and groom/lunge but since I got the swine flu I've gone out 2x. I know she is in good care so I just don't go. Sad, I know. So, I gave my 30 days notice and decided to move her back home to live with my family. I'm 22, in college, live alone, just got out of a serious relationship, and have a TON of responsibility on my shoulders. I can't balance it all and horses have fallen aside. Have any of you been in this position? Right now, I'm just taking everything one step at a time. I'm taking the steps to get ahold of my life and get back on track. I lost alot of my independence during my relationship, big mistake. I don't regret the relationship, I regret becoming to dependent on him.



Barn Girl	Nov 7 2009, 07:36 PM Post #2
We're on a bridge, Chaaaaaaaaarlie! Posts: 250 Group: Members Member #1,230 Joined: July 5, 2007	If she's that nice of a horse, I'd set myself a time line, say 6 months or a year, and decide at that point whether or not to sell her. If you could get good money for her, why let her waste away if you're no longer interested, you know? You're young, you could take the money and put it to better use-- downpayment on a house, etc. You may just be too overwhelmed with "real life" right now to even have a hobby at all. It might not be directly related to your interest in horses. That's a tough age, you're really still trying to figure out who you are and what you want out of life. When I was that age, horses had taken a back seat and I didn't get back into it (really didn't have time/money/drive to do any "extracirricular activities") until I was 25 or so. Good luck and to you, you'll come into your own and things will get better.



FlashGordon	Nov 8 2009, 10:20 AM Post #3
Is the meadow on fire? Posts: 1,957 Group: Members Member #2,251 Joined: December 3, 2007	When I was in my early twenties I had a mare much like yours. I was just out of school, getting married, starting a career, buying a house, and basically REALY overwhelmed. Friends and family and trainer pressured me to keep her, and I did for a long time, but it just wasn't fair to either of us. She was lovely but my heart was not in it. I sold her to an acquaintance who still has her, and loves her dearly. It was the best thing I did for both me and the filly. It is ok to take a break. I think WFM's suggestions are good ones. Set a timeline on it and then make a decision to keep or sell/lease. There is NO HARM in taking some time off horses and letting her go on to a new partner. So often we hang on to unsuitable horses or situations because we are afraid that if we let go, our whole horsey existence will go, too. But it won't. The horses are always there to come back to.... trust me, I've done it time and again now. Good luck and big hugs.



alltheprettyponies	Nov 8 2009, 07:04 PM Post #4
I Visited Candy Mountain and All I Got Was This Lousy Incision Posts: 112 Group: Members Member #4,705 Joined: March 16, 2009	Thanks everyone, your advice and kind words are appreciated! I've just decided to keep her and send her home to my family farm. It is really an ideal set-up: stucco barn, large stalls with runs, heated/cooled, indoor h/c wash rack, indoor, etc. Completely private and the BM will lunge/ground drive/groom her on a regular basis. Since my family bred/raised my mare I can't live with the thought of selling her. I know she'll receive all the care she needs as long as she lives. I just can't lesson, ride, and show like I once did. I have too much to deal with first. I casually wrote down a list of things I want to accomplish in the next 3 months to a year. -Regain independence/self-confidence -Lose weight/get fit (about 10-15 pounds) -Once I lose at least 10 pounds I'm going to get some new clothes (when you look good you feel good!) -Make my apartment feel like a home. (Put pictures on the walls, get furniture, etc. In my last relationship I lost myself a bit) -Become more social and enjoy being 22! I know, eventually, I'll get back into horses. Right now is just a bad time in my life. I'm not superwoman and I can't do everything.



jillintexas	Nov 8 2009, 08:28 PM Post #5
You're BANNED! Posts: 7,602 Group: Members Member #96 Joined: January 6, 2007	Sometimes we all lose our focus and drive...and sometimes new things move in a the old things become less of a priority. It's happened to all of us and one time or another. Hang in there and give yourself some time to just "be". It's amazing what can happen when you give yourself permission to be free.



OpticalIllusion	Nov 9 2009, 12:00 PM Post #6
Guiding your way to Candy Mountain, since 1873. Posts: 2,705 Group: Members Member #702 Joined: February 1, 2007	Im sure your horse wont mind going and hanging out at your family farm and just being a horse for a while. Take time off, do things you wouldnt normally do. Go crazy. Buy fun new clothes. Go to the gym (you said about loosing weight) and work out, you will meet some people and get to socialize. Just enjoy yourself.



alltheprettyponies	Nov 9 2009, 01:30 PM Post #7
I Visited Candy Mountain and All I Got Was This Lousy Incision Posts: 112 Group: Members Member #4,705 Joined: March 16, 2009	Thanks everyone!!! I met with my therapist this morning and he really opened my eyes. My problem is the fact that I'm a nurturer and I take on everyone's problems when I shouldn't. I give, give, give, and in doing so you stop giving to yourself. So, that's why I'm cleaning out my life (getting rid of clothes, things, etc. I don't use) and starting over. I'm being selfish and working on myself. Doing what I want to do. Buying what I want to buy. Wearing what I want to wear. After all, it's my life! :D



Fish Cheeks	Nov 9 2009, 06:17 PM Post #8
It'll be an adventure! We're going on an adventure! Posts: 2,365 Group: Members Member #211 Joined: January 7, 2007	atpp, that isn't being selfish, that's taking care of yourself. This is such a pivotal time in your life - you've got your future ahead of you, you've got ambition to try new things, and sometimes that means letting go of other things that keep you locked to your past. How lucky that your mare has a wonderful place to go hang out! It sounds like she will get the best of care and be very happy there. I think you've set some good goals for yourself - I wish you the best!



JanM	Nov 10 2009, 10:56 AM Post #9
I Visited Candy Mountain and All I Got Was This Lousy Incision Posts: 93 Group: Members Member #4,549 Joined: October 25, 2008	Pretty-to quickly spruce a place up go to somewhere like all posters.com or other websites, pick out what you want to decorate with, go to walmart and get the cheap poster frames or picture frames. Then go to the hardware section and get the pound in picture hangers. You'll have the place decorated in no time. You can also get cheap throws at Walmart or Target and with some throw pillows or a few other little touches it will look like home. The great thing about buying cheap is that the place is spruced up for now, and if you get tired of the pictures or want to change accent colors it doesn't cost much at all. Going forward with a plan sounds very sensible, and I hope you realize that you deserve to be happy.



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