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| I think I might be crazy... | |
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| Topic Started: Jul 6 2009, 07:40 PM (170 Views) | |
| FlashGordon | Jul 6 2009, 07:40 PM Post #1 |
Is the meadow on fire?
  ![]](http://209.85.48.14/static/1/pip_r.png)
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Seems like there is a baby boom going on with friends and family lately.... and though I thought I was perfectly content with one child I am sort of getting the baby itch! Another adoption is a long way off and biological kids are 99.9% out of the question so maybe I should just get a kitten or a puppy? Maybe another horse?  (Mr. FG wasn't so keen on the second horse idea, ha ha!) I suppose it is normal to go through this... I guess I am a wee bit surprised as I thought I had put all my feelings regarding infertility to rest. But every once in awhile they creep back up again. Doesn't help that we are getting a lot of "well wouldn't it be nice if Little FG had a sibling..." comments! Yes it WOULD be nice... can I borrow your uterus, or perhaps 30k for another adoption?!? Not to mention I feel *selfish* for occasionally wanting another kid... cause Little FG is absolutely the best and most wonderful kid ever. (I know all moms say that, but it is true!) I am so lucky to have her! Seems greedy to want any more! Anyway just had to vent a bit, I don't like to talk about it with anyone in real life (aside from Mr. FG) as it just brings up too many weird feelings and odd conversations! Hopefully the baby boom will end and I can once again resume my normal activities without that nagging feeling in the back of my head..... |
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| OnyxThePony | Jul 6 2009, 07:51 PM Post #2 |
Guiding your way to Candy Mountain, since 1873.
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 Volunteer with an animal rescue and take an armfull of kittens that need hourly bottle feeding for a few weeks.  Little reminder for ya 
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| jillintexas | Jul 6 2009, 08:09 PM Post #3 |
You're BANNED!
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It's BECAUSE of little FG being so totally neat that you want another I'm guessing. I sometimes think about it because the wee squid-o is so amazing, but then I remember that there are NO guarantees, and another one might not be as wonderful as she is. Alas someday I will have to tell her that she is an only child because her parents were too scared to try again. We feel like we won the lottery with her!!! Surely another one would exceed our allowable limit of goodness! |
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| Trialbyfire | Jul 6 2009, 08:23 PM Post #4 |
It'll be an adventure! We're going on an adventure!
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Don't discount hormones for pushing you, either. Because it totally happens!!!  For about 3 years after our adoption I would go through very predictable monthly phases of being totally overwhelmed.....to.....hey, why not??.....and back to overwhelmed!! You're NOT crazy! Even if it isn't hormones!!But one of the things that we (OK, *I*) struggled with was that having two children (siblings via adoption) meant we only had ONE "expecting" phase. So when my friends all started going through the *2nd phase* of expecting....I wanted that too. I especially wanted to adopt for a 2nd time...one in which we weren't desperate a childless couple with no idea of what to expect. We had traveled to Russia with a couple who were adopting their 3rd child; their first 2 were bio but after considerable effort so they adopted #3. They were SOOOOO relaxed and SOOOOO capable. I remember watching them with their baby and just envying them SO much. They made it look so easy!! But then I had to really consider whether or not we wanted a 3rd child or whether I just wanted to adopt again...if you can see the difference. My dh was very happy with just 2. Not 3. So I might have been able to persuade him if I were sure *I* wanted 3....but I couldn't actually convince myself. It took a long time to admit to myself I was happy with our family. It is hard to really look at the family unit and know if you are "done" or not. I think especially hard for those of us who have suffered IF and know how difficult adding another child can be. But I think it's normal to go through that phase and really weigh the pros & cons, and costs (sadly) of an adoption....and see where you end up. My younger dog, Junah, was my "baby". After our 2nd m/c but before we'd really explored our options....he was offered to us as the breeder's pick of the litter (a friend of a friend) and my dh just couldn't say no because he knew I really needed to fill that void. He was a horrible puppy but has turned out to be the best dog. So a puppy can definitely do the trick if you want; not sure it's the same as a horse. My June-bug still snuggles in bed.....not the same as my favorite equine, as much as I love her! 
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| Reynard Ridge | Jul 7 2009, 04:27 AM Post #5 |
Drivin' The Short Bus
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I think it's perfectly normal to want another. I have two fab-o children and in my heart of hearts, I'd love to have a third. Luckily, my brain of brains is keeping me out of trouble. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.  Mr. RR and I looked into adopting a 3rd (hey, we live in China, so the cost goes way down). Alas, we are too old.  By a lot. ...random thought, I wonder if adoption agencies need baby couriers? We travel back and forth and babies do go free if you keep them on your lap ... what an interesting "good deed" kind of idea ... |
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| FlashGordon | Jul 7 2009, 06:15 AM Post #6 |
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Is the meadow on fire?
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RR, in fact, I do believe they use "couriers" for some international adoption programs. May be a cool thing for you to look into. Some countries require the parents to travel, some do not, and I know they use escorts to get the kids to their destinations. I do think that Little FG being so fun and great is what makes me want another. Also though, it makes me think at times that we should just stop, like you said Jilli. We are so very lucky to be her parents, our adoption went very smoothly and we are on excellent terms with her Birth Mother, whom we love dearly. Honestly I am not sure I am willing to take the risk with another domestic, open adoption right now. While they can be wildly successful, as ours was, they can also be wildly complicated! I think part of it is seeing friends, siblings, etc. just *poof* get pregnant and pop out a kid like it is no big deal! I keep thinking why can't I DO that, just one time? TBF I know just what you mean about wanting to have the experience over again. It is all a blur and I remember being quite numb throughout the early days of our placement. Also I think I mourn the fact that I didn't get to prepare the way I would have liked for Little FG. We were so worried about jinxing our chances that we didn't purchase anything, do her room, etc. prior to her being born. I wish I'd been able to revel in the excitement of her arrival a little bit more. Mr. FG would love a second child if we were able to do it, but the obstacles in the way seem to make him resigned to the fact that Little FG will be an only child. I am sure she will not suffer for being an only kid... though sometimes I wonder if she will be sad to not have siblings. Then again I know her birth mother will someday have children so Little FG will have half-siblings out there to connect with, perhaps, eventually. Ah well I am sure this will pass, eventually. When we eventually (hopefully soon?) move we've talked about getting a second dog so perhaps that will fill the void! I have no doubt my penchant for needy animals comes from a desire to nurture something.... OTP fostering kittens is not a bad idea! Edited by FlashGordon, Jul 7 2009, 06:15 AM.
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| Fish Cheeks | Jul 7 2009, 06:53 AM Post #7 |
It'll be an adventure! We're going on an adventure!
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Fostering kittens is really fun and we have five upstairs right now that I need to go feed! I am not a kid-person, but I have felt what you are feeling. I have never wanted children and was very clear on that from an early age. But at some point in my 20s when my best friend had a baby, I *considered* it. It must have been some hormonal thing going on, 'cause once I wasn't around her anymore (lived in a different area), the feeling went away. Just like women's periods coordinate, maybe the baby thing does, too. If you look at it from a biological standpoint, maybe it is best for all the women in the village to have children at the same time so that they can all help nurse, raise the babies, and the kids have a peer group with which to learn communication, skills, role-playing games, etc. |
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| MyGiantPony | Jul 7 2009, 07:46 AM Post #8 |
Off visiting Candy Cave, be right back.
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Most adoptions from the foster care system are free: http://www.adoptuskids.org/ yeah...I think you need another kid!
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| MayaTy02 | Jul 7 2009, 07:57 AM Post #9 |
Off visiting Candy Cave, be right back.
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to you FG...I think a puppy is in order along with the new house! Puppies always make everything better don't they? Seriously, no advice...I have twins so I have two but I guess if I were you and serious, I might explore every possibility before assuming it can't be done.... |
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| JanM | Jul 7 2009, 09:16 AM Post #10 |
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I Visited Candy Mountain and All I Got Was This Lousy Incision
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Reynard-I knew someone who was working for the US government in Korea, they get home leave but he wanted to go home for a special family occasion so he would have had to pay his own way. He volunteered as a courier and he took a 3 or 4 year old with him (they had their own seat) and escorted them to the airport to meet the new parents. He not only got a free trip, he was privileged to witness the birth of a new family. I think he escorted one or two infants also on another trip.
Edited by JanM, Jul 7 2009, 09:17 AM.
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| FlashGordon | Jul 7 2009, 11:04 AM Post #11 |
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Is the meadow on fire?
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Thanks MGP! We've definitely considered going the foster-to-adopt route... there can be so much red tape and so many hoops to jump through, so I won't let myself go there until I know both I and Mr. FG are mentally and emotionally ready to tough it out. Fishy, that is a good point about there being some biological/instinctual thing going on.... as far as women having babies etc. around the same times. It does make sense. I appreciate all the feedback and various perspectives though. I'm not especially spiritual but I do think there is some order to the universe.... I suppose if another child is meant to find its way to our family, then it will.... In the mean time, I best find myself a litter of kittens.... |
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| MyGiantPony | Jul 7 2009, 12:07 PM Post #12 |
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Off visiting Candy Cave, be right back.
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Funny story - friends of mine have been doing foster care for years and decided to adopt one of their kids. On the form, there was a space for "race". They filled it out with "human". Yes, they knew the judge. |
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| FlashGordon | Jul 7 2009, 12:13 PM Post #13 |
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Is the meadow on fire?
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HA MGP I love it!! 
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