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| Advice for a girlfriend....; when a guy is strangely too into her | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Mar 25 2009, 05:54 AM (421 Views) | |
| 2bayboys | Mar 25 2009, 05:54 AM Post #1 |
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Not as bad as you think I am.
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I have a girlfriend who met a decent guy about a year ago.........he's an attorney, divorced with a couple kids, rides casually. They have chatted by email, over the phone, occasional lunches, he sends her texts. He has made it clear he wants to have a relationship, she has made it clear she wants them to be friends. She is helping him somewhat in his search to buy a horse. She sends him ads she finds online for suitable prospects, but has told him he needs to do the legwork and follow-up, and he needs to involve his trainer for any final decisions. She takes the credit for steering him away from a bad horse purchase when he almost bought an insane 12 year-old former barrel racer which, according to its 16-yr-old rider, could "easily jump 4 feet". He stupidly fell for the sob story she offered and kept talking about how the horse could jump four feet (he's jumping 18" in his lessons). She talked him out of that one and in her own words, wasn't too nice about it. But she called me freaking out. He recently forwarded some emails to her he's exchanged regarding another potential horse sale. In the emails he refers to my friend as his GIRLFRIEND. I told her to dump him as a friend and an acquaintance and tell him to take his delusional self straight down the road. Who knows what other fantasies he is concocting. Personally I think the whole horse-shopping deal is an attempt to get close to her. He has already shown up at horse shows "to help" and she has stopped telling him when and where she might be competing. Am I over-reacting? She basicaly thinks he is weird but harmless. |
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| Onelanerode | Mar 25 2009, 06:01 AM Post #2 |
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Off visiting Candy Cave, be right back.
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If it's making her uncomfortable, she needs to stop being nice. Some people do not pick up on subtle signals, or even blatant ones. Sometimes you have to be blunt and spell it out so there's no mistaking what's being said. Dude does sound a little unbalanced. Maybe he's harmless and just very socially awkward. Maybe he's a stalker. Who knows. But if he's making her feel weird now, it probably won't get better. |
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| RHowell | Mar 25 2009, 06:56 AM Post #3 |
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You're BANNED!
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ThePrayerList has been dumped before, he should be used to it by now
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| coriander | Mar 25 2009, 07:10 AM Post #4 |
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Is the meadow on fire?
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Ditch him. If she's uncomfortable, she doesn't have to be, so he needs to go. People need to respect the boundaries we set - or get out of our lives. |
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| Won for Me | Mar 25 2009, 07:12 AM Post #5 |
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Is the meadow on fire?
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I didn't think anything weird about it until he showed up uninvited to horse shows. That is crossing the line. I don't want uninvited guests at shows and sometimes, I don't want invited ones. I think she needs to end all contact, don't return the calls, don't return texts or emails. |
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| FlashGordon | Mar 25 2009, 07:18 AM Post #6 |
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You're BANNED!
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It seems there are a lot of guys out there who can't take a hint. Or who don't know when to back off. I see it happen more often than not with friends, and had a few like that in my own past. Some guys are just a little dense. He may be harmless enough, and clearly just not understanding the boundaries.... if she wants to maintain a friendship with him, she needs to tell him, in no uncertain terms, that FRIENDS is it for them.... now, and forever! May be best though for her to back away from the relationship completely..... sounds like he may not "get" anything but her disengaging completely. I swear there are some dudes that need to read the book "he's just not that into you..." |
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| SnackPack | Mar 25 2009, 09:35 AM Post #7 |
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You're BANNED!
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If she's CLEARLY told him that she only wants to be friends and he doesn't get it, she needs to back away from even being friends. |
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| Delia | Mar 25 2009, 09:53 AM Post #8 |
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You're BANNED!
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He may or may not be harmless. At best he's clearly passive-aggressive in terms of the "girlfriend" references in the emails. Showing up uninvited at horse shows is a bad sign that he's trying to worm his way into her life. Something similar happened to me with a co-worker, and the final straw for me was when he came to a horse show (uninvited) to "help" me. IMHO, she definitely should step away and tell him that she's not interested in the friendship. Otherwise he'll just continue to invent new ways to try to get close to her, with the hope that she'll eventually develop romantic feelings for him. |
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| TarynJ | Mar 25 2009, 10:13 AM Post #9 |
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Guiding your way to Candy Mountain, since 1873.
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Ugh... I've met more and more guys like this. I think it comes down to the fact that they've realized they're getting older, and they want to settle down NOW. They meet someone they like, and don't necessarily "get" that you're not on the same page with them. The level of the creepiness seems to depend on the social aptitude of the guy. I dated a guy who was letting his friends think we were next thing to engaged a few dates in. When I finally made it clear that we were NO WHERE near that point, his true colours came out... apparently I was privleged to have him, and he "gave me a chance" to think it over. Which took about two seconds... apparently now I'm the crazy b*tch who doesn't know what she missed out on... |
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| Copper Leaf | Mar 25 2009, 12:25 PM Post #10 |
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Is the meadow on fire?
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Remember this guy... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WxqfLrlr1VI |
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| 2bayboys | Mar 25 2009, 01:12 PM Post #11 |
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Not as bad as you think I am.
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Copper Leaf..............OH MY TOM.............that was hilarious!! "let the romance begin....." |
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9:46 AM Jul 13