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Ever feel like you failed your horse?
Topic Started: Jan 27 2009, 10:34 AM (373 Views)
TarynJ
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Guiding your way to Candy Mountain, since 1873.
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I feel horrible. I finally got to the root of Bria's recent handling problems... it turns out that I'm *not* the first to go from having a WB baby that's all sweet and easy to handle on the ground turn into a frightened monster in this barn. From what I've been told by another trainer, the barn owners, while super nice, are known to not really "get" how WBs think, or the need for consistency. They've always had Arabs, which apparently don't demand the same level of consistency ( :huh: ). They're really nice people, they just don't "get it".

Poor Bria **thrives** on consistency, and she's turned back into the wreck she was when I got her. All the places where only the trainer or I handle her (cross ties, being ridden etc) she's fine, but simply hand-walking her gets dramatic because she gets stressed out to the point she rears (or at least threatens). You can't lead her anywhere without a chain these days, and now she's pulled something in her back apparently having a meltdown during turnout in the morning. I don't think they're smacking her around, but she was at some point in her life and clearly thinks that she's going to get smacked for something. I'd had her over this last fall, and now it's back, but worse because she's started going on the defensive. :lonely:

There's another owner of a young dutch mare whose had the same thing happen, and now we're hearing that there's a history of this. I can't help but think if I'd gone digging (ok, looking for gossip) I would have found this out before I moved Bria in. I just feel bad for putting her in this position... you can't even pat her when leading without her thinking you're going to hit her... the fact that she's still cute and cuddly in the cross ties or stall at least gives me a hope that we can resolve this!

We move to a friend's barn on Friday (we had to wait for another horse to leave); it's almost all WBs and TBs, from babies to GP. My friend's horse recovered from some really bad head-shyness once they moved in, so I'm hoping it will be the same for Bria.
Edited by TarynJ, Jan 27 2009, 10:35 AM.
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Delia
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Awe Ibex -- You can't beat yourself up about this. Really, it's not your fault. I don't know what questions a prospective boarder should ask that would have alerted you to this problem. If it has taken you this long to figure it out -- when you're actually boarding at the place and living there too -- there's no way you would have been able to find out before you got there.

But I know how you feel. I definitely feel that there have been times that I didn't do right by my boy, who I've had for almost 14 years now. But that's with the benefit of hindsight, and any mistakes I've made sure weren't for lack of trying, research and good intentions on my part. They can't speak, so we do the best we can to understand all their physical and behavioral cues, but sometimes it just takes a while to put all the pieces together.

You ARE a good mom, and Bria WILL get over this. Hugs to you. :hug: :hug:
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SnackPack
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IMO, it has nothing to do with 'how WBs think' but rather the behaviour expectations are different. ALL horses thrive on consistency with clear boundaries of behaviour. BUT, if your desired attitude is flighty, sensitive and firey...you expect that and treat the horses accordingly.

My old roommate worked for a few years at an Arabian breeding farm. I was surprised to find out that they want flightly horses. Snorty, tails over the back is GOOD. Gives that bright 'calendar' photo op.

It just sounds like you came smack up against a different horse culture. You've figured that out and now you're making the changes to get into a situation that works for you and Bria. No reason to beat yourself up over it. Bria should recover just fine once she's in a steadier environment.
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FlashGordon
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SnackPack
Jan 27 2009, 12:08 PM
IMO, it has nothing to do with 'how WBs think' but rather the behaviour expectations are different. ALL horses thrive on consistency with clear boundaries of behaviour. BUT, if your desired attitude is flighty, sensitive and firey...you expect that and treat the horses accordingly.

My old roommate worked for a few years at an Arabian breeding farm. I was surprised to find out that they want flightly horses. Snorty, tails over the back is GOOD. Gives that bright 'calendar' photo op.

It just sounds like you came smack up against a different horse culture. You've figured that out and now you're making the changes to get into a situation that works for you and Bria. No reason to beat yourself up over it. Bria should recover just fine once she's in a steadier environment.
REALLY great input. I agree wholeheartedly.

Boarding is tough. Sometimes you don't get the real "vibe" of a place until you've been there awhile, and then some not so great things become glaringly apparent. We've all been in that situation for sure.

Don't beat yourself up. You are clearly a conscientious and concerned owner, it comes through in your posts. You do the best you can, we all do, and sometimes things happen that are beyond our control.
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Trialbyfire
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SnackPack
Jan 27 2009, 12:08 PM
IMO, it has nothing to do with 'how WBs think' but rather the behaviour expectations are different. ALL horses thrive on consistency with clear boundaries of behaviour. BUT, if your desired attitude is flighty, sensitive and firey...you expect that and treat the horses accordingly.

My old roommate worked for a few years at an Arabian breeding farm. I was surprised to find out that they want flightly horses. Snorty, tails over the back is GOOD. Gives that bright 'calendar' photo op.

It just sounds like you came smack up against a different horse culture. You've figured that out and now you're making the changes to get into a situation that works for you and Bria. No reason to beat yourself up over it. Bria should recover just fine once she's in a steadier environment.
I'll second this. Great advice. And I'll also tell you that my mare was a complete nervous wreck about most everything when I got her. She had lost her trust ENTIRELY in people and who can blame her? But it comes back, in the right environment. It's hard to believe how mellow my mare is now in comparison to when I got her. Bria will be just fine, don't worry.

One of the places I took lessons had a number of pros and cons, but one of the things that really bothered me and ultimately was one of the reasons we moved was the handling of the horses by the "staff"....mainly the teenaged "barn rats" who were working off some of their board. They were always impatient turning the horses in and out [usually 2, sometimes 3 at a time to go faster], and as a result the horses rushed, pushed, etc. and in response the handlers would be really rough with them; shanking their chains, dragging or pushing the horses back; usually with lots of yelling & swearing.

I understand that bringing in 30 horses isn't a really fun job, but it's not fair to the horses to have unrealistic expectation. Yes, they should all be polite and well-mannered, but they know it's dinner time and, well...they are horses! One of the adults boarders who also did this task would only take one at a time, because she had better control and she thought [in the end] that it was faster and easier that way.

I hope your new barn is a big improvement. The important thing is that you figured it out and are doing the right thing. You haven't failed your horse at all!!
Edited by Trialbyfire, Jan 27 2009, 02:21 PM.
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Fish Cheeks
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Ditto SnackPack's advice and comments. All horses need consistent handling to provide consistent behavior. You can have consistent handling that provides good behavior (horses leading quietly) or bad behavior (horses leading excitably). Consistency in and of itself is not a good or bad thing, it is the type of handling that is important. If you are able to go to a barn that has quiet and easily-handled horses no matter the situation and the handler, then I'd say they've consistently been handled well. If they are good with one person but not the other, then they have had good and bad handling - and that makes for a confused and unhappy horse, as would be a horse who is bad with all people. (of course there's myriad other issues that come into play)

Sounds like you are doing what is right for you and Bria and that is what a good horsewoman does. You've identified the problem, and you are fixing it. No need to beat yourself up. She is young and should be able to get over it quickly.

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tarragon
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Fish Cheeks
Jan 27 2009, 04:13 PM
Sounds like you are doing what is right for you and Bria and that is what a good horsewoman does. You've identified the problem, and you are fixing it. No need to beat yourself up. She is young and should be able to get over it quickly.

Those are my thoughts exactly!

I think I may have mentioned this before but my filly went through a completely bratty phase right after my barn got a new worker. He, with all the best intentions, treated her with kid gloves because she was a baby and allowed her a little more leeway that she was used to getting- I always ask youngsters to toe the line and gently correct any little issues rather than waiting until they are getting out of hand. My filly, being a strong and very strong-minded two year old, decided that she was now 'large and in charge' and turned into a very, very pushy little witch (in the words of my farrier) and became rather challenging to handle. Once my trainer and I explained to him how we wanted her handled and asked him to use a chain leading her in and out my filly turned right back into the well-mannered girl she has always been, and there haven't been any further issues.

Just as a side note, my barn also leads horses in pairs, but some thought does go into it. A horse that tends to be excitable gets led out with a very calm one, or if they are feeling difficult they go by themselves.

Consistent good handling should quickly lull Ms. Bria back into being a happy horse. If you haven't done so already though, you might want to have a friendly chat with the new barn staff about how she has been handled in the past and how you would like her to be handled, just so everyone is on the same page.
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CDE Driver
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Yep, been there, gone through that... and felt really awful about it. My guy is basically quite insecure and seems to NEED me as his security blanket. Now that I know that I have assured him that he will never leave home without me with him. Long story...
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TarynJ
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Thanks guys!! She was a bit better last night... she even had a BIG spook without freaking out, and got over it quickly.

New barn is well aware of the issues... some of their borders are the ones that had experienced this at the current barn. The BM is a big, Steady-Eddy kind of guy (if he were a horse, he'd be the big kind draft gelding you'd put out with the babies to keep them in line :teehee: ), and is consistent in how he handles them. New barn won't be perfect; it's much more DQish than where we're leaving, and has a couple of real "characters". But what barn doesn't? Plus they just board there, and don't do the handling.
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