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| I need parenting advice! | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Jan 9 2009, 08:15 PM (214 Views) | |
| Z-ELF 4 ZBAR | Jan 9 2009, 08:15 PM Post #1 |
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Weanling
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Hi, everyone! I'm using the only alter I had handy. One of you knows who I really am, but that's ok. The others could figure it out if they tried, but that's ok too. Just don't try too hard. My son is 21 years old. He went to a trade school, graduated, got a good job and then got fired after about a year due to attendance problems. He wasn't keeping up with his absences because he thought that his manager, or HR would tell him if he was in trouble. He was surprised when he got fired. HR acknowledged that they did not follow handbook policy about sending out attendance reminders. He got another job, but that place changed the job requirement and he would have to lift 80 lbs. all the time, and 90 lbs. occasionally. He's small, so he had to quit. When he was hired, lifting requirement was only 50 lbs. He was ok with that. After quitting job #2, my husband told him he needed to be in school, or working by January 10 or he needs to move out. So he applied to a nearby university. He found out yesterday that they have a backlog of applicants and he won't get an acceptance or rejection for a while. He has a 27 ACT score, and had a 4.0 at the trade school. He had expected to hear from the university by January 8, since classes start on January 15. So today, he went out looking for part time work. No luck, so right now he and a buddy are playing video games. Part of me, and all of my husband, want to kick him out for being clueless. The other half of me wants to make allowances for the sucky economy, and the fact that the university didn't process his application quickly enough. The kid can work hard when he wants to, but he can be lazy too. Should we kick him out? If we don't, how do we get his attention? He has enough money saved up from the two previous jobs to pay for his health insurance, and his first semester at the university. I don't want him to have to find an apartment, etc and spend his savings. He does help out on the farm; mowing, feeding the horses, etc. All you experienced parents, what would you do? Thanks! |
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| MissBri | Jan 9 2009, 08:35 PM Post #2 |
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But, I don't care - it's 5:00 somewhere
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Well I'm not a parent nor do I play one on television,,,,, but here is what I would do have him do jobs and maintenance around the farm for his room and board. not just helping out - but specified jobs. I would also encourage him to follow up on trying to get into school or some type of other training program. He is 20yo so I would also put a time frame on his staying with you. I would insist that he have a job and his own place by his next birthday, or be enrolled in aschool or training program. If in school or training program, he still need to pay for room and board. This allows him a little more time to get his feet on the ground and his head in the program. Hold firm on the farm chores though - if he slacks off - only one warning. I know I seem a bit harse on this - but my parents always taught me to stand on my own two feet and make my own way. I just believe that a man of his age should be very thankful for such a nice home and family and start contributing to the household, not just himself. Edited by MissBri, Jan 9 2009, 09:19 PM.
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| stephjm | Jan 10 2009, 04:38 AM Post #3 |
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It'll be an adventure! We're going on an adventure!
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I think MissBri has the right idea. I am a parent, though my kids are not 21 yet. My parents were always willing to help me out, though not a ton financially because they didn't have a ton themselves, but I knew in an emergency I could always "come home" for a while. BUT - my dad always told me, after I graduated college if I wanted to live at home I'd be paying some room and board. Anyway - while I was reading the original post, I had the same idea MissBri had. Let him live at home for a while, but make sure he knows he's going to be helping out (I like the set list of chores idea). Let him learn from his mistakes at the first 2 jobs and carry that into his next job, and possibly going to the college. Tell him he has X months to figure things out and get a plan. Make him work at his plan, at the house/farm, pay his own "personal" bills, etc. Hopefully he learned from the attendance problem - that's no way to keep ANY job But at the same time, 21 is a hard age. Sometimes it's hard to know what direction to take in your life and have almost no job experience. Maybe he just needs a bit of time to figure it out and get a plan. Sounds like he's a good kid, just maybe needs a bit of time. I think it's great he saved that much money from his 2 jobs, that shows some maturity. I am no expert. But I do believe in common sense, helping kids when you can, but teaching them to stand on their own two feet and live with consequences. Good luck.
Edited by stephjm, Jan 10 2009, 04:40 AM.
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| Witchy | Jan 10 2009, 09:34 AM Post #4 |
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You're BANNED!
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I say help him out a bit too. My parents were fantastic until after I graduated from college and then they wouldn't help me with a dime and there were times I went hungy because of it. I worked in Advertising and starting salaries are horribly low, so by the time I paid rent, there wasn't much left. I'd make him do chores, pay some rent and have a curfew. That way he won't stick around too long.
Edited by Witchy, Jan 10 2009, 09:36 AM.
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