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ADULT women only please...... awkward question
Topic Started: Apr 7 2008, 07:18 PM (1,239 Views)
Obviousalter
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So, I am typing this under an obvious alter. Obviously.

I am a married mature woman, been with the same great guy for several years.

Was never promiscuous, but had several boyfriends before I got married, over the course of those single years.

So.... I haven't "been around the block" but do have "experience" in the bedroom.


Now here is the embarassing part: I have never had an orgasm.

Ever. Not with my husband. Not with other boyfriends. Not bymyself (if you catch my drift), not by-myself-with-equipment, NEVER.

I am starting to really get angry about it too.

I am posting this on a horse board, because something in me wonders if all those years of riding didn't "do something" to my nerve endings "down there".

At my wits end. Have talked to several doctors, they all say its in my head :rolleyes: , that it must be mental.

Well, dirt on that, because if you look up "male sexual dysfunction" you get a whole host of PHYSICAL causes.

If you look up "female sexual dysfunction" you end up with "mental" causes.

I think men write Web MD.

Does ANYONE else have this problem? Did anyone else find out how to FIX it???

I am at my wits end, I feel so........ slighted.

Sorry, I know there are better things to worry about, but this has been driving me insane for about 18 years now. :brickwall:
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Ride'emCO
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I don't have that problem, and I have been riding for 25 years. Now that you're done throwing things at me - I think you need to be more specific in the Dr. you choose to go to for this. Your random general practice doc isn't going to take this seriously, but I know there is a specialty Gyno somewhere that will. Are you in a major metropolitan area or out in the stix?

:hug: to you - that's just GOT to suck. You can work this out, you're not permanently broken.
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Fish Cheeks
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You are brave to post that here and I hope it doesn't get shut down because I do think it is an important women's issue. Every woman should enjoy the feeling and I'm sorry that you haven't. :( I'm sure it is aggravating and frustrating and annoying, etc.

I don't have any advice, really. Lucky for me it has never been a problem. There are times when it is more...difficult. If I'm pre-occupied with something or wasn't "into it" to start with it doesn't happen so easily. I do find that the mind is a powerful aphrodisiac - if you will - and sometimes I need to use that to my advantage, if you get my drift.

I wonder if there are professionals who help with this - a sex therapist, maybe?

:hug:
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Fish Cheeks
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Oh, forgot to say that riding has never made a difference for me - I don't imagine it can cause any type of "damage". I've been riding for over 20 years and it hasn't had any negative side effects. Well except for maybe trying to have an orgasm on the day that you rode bareback is not a good idea. Ouch - a little tender and painful!
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naters
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:hug: I agree with the above poster. Its not easy all of the time, and they must have specialists in your area to deal with issues like this.
Maybe your OB/GYN can give you a reference?
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heineken
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I have a very close friend who is 35 and is in the same boat as you...no advice just know you are not alone!
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Eleanor
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Riding for years is not the problem. I just want to get that out there because I know it is easy to find something to blame. :(

Every women is different and what works for one may not work for another. Lets talk about your husband, Does he know you have never had one? Does he try to bring you to the big O? The thing is to work on this you are going to have too have his help and it is not something that you can rush through. I would look into finding a sex therapist in your area. If you can't find one and not sure where to go or start you can PM me and I might be able to help.

This is one thing that I feel every women should know about and enjoy.
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Obviousalter
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Eleanor
Apr 7 2008, 08:06 PM
Riding for years is not the problem. I just want to get that out there because I know it is easy to find something to blame. :(

Every women is different and what works for one may not work for another. Lets talk about your husband, Does he know you have never had one? Does he try to bring you to the big O? The thing is to work on this you are going to have too have his help and it is not something that you can rush through. I would look into finding a sex therapist in your area. If you can't find one and not sure where to go or start you can PM me and I might be able to help.

This is one thing that I feel every women should know about and enjoy.

I only asked about the many years of riding because it was what a doctor had mentioned.

I will do some research in the therapist department.

Will ask my OB/GYN.

Hubby is very understanding, and supportive, and understands that it is not his fault, nor mine.

And he is actually "good" ;) At least I can tell the difference between good and bad right?? :o
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DairyQueen2049
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Hmmm - your doc sounds like Dr Quack to me. I'm 45, been riding for 32 years and most of the times things work fine - sometimes not.

As Fishy says, sometimes I'm just not mentally ready and in my 'happy place' yet. Work, friends problems, something on my mind......can all get in the way of relaxation, which to me is kinda required for the mood to be there.

So I think it happens to everyone - this inability - at some point.

I would think a doc that specializes in this would help. There was an old book - Our Bodies, Ourselves that had a chapter on this. Gosh, its probably a 25 yr old book now - but if you can find a copy of that it may have some good suggestions.

:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: I think the fact you are willing to talk about it is awesome. :hug: :hug: :hug:
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OpticalIllusion
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Ive been riding all my life and it has not effected me.

One thought, are you on birthcontrol? If so, have you been on the same one the entire time? About a year ago my obgyn switched me to something new, and it killed it for me. I didnt even have any drive much less ability to complete the task at hand. As soon as I switched again, I was good to go.
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Little Diva
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I will add my voice of support too. But you must find a new doctor. NOW. For too many years, a host of female medical issues, including menopause, have been put down to "mental issues" and then they throw the word hormonal around for a good measure.

There are medical reasons why a woman is not able to reach an orgasm, just like there are medical reasons why a man cannot sustain an erection or (ahem) finish -- either alone or with a partner. And yes, there are other reasons too.

First, rule out the medical. Get a good ob/gyn that is a woman or at least a well educated male, and tell them frankly and honestly what is happening. Tell them everything -- how close you get, how tense/relaxed you are, if you are breathing etc. All of that is good information for your doctor.

Then find a good sex therapist. Now careful....we were looking for one a year ago and they are few and far between where I live. There are those though that are what I would refer to as scam artists. We went for our first interview and it was almost like stepping into a porn shop. We left.

We did find an amazing woman at a family therapy centre who was and is awesome. Start looking at any group of therapists that offer family and couple counselling and when you call, ask if anyone is a liscenced sexual therapist. They may have a urilogical (sp?) background, which means that they have worked with doctors who have worked with sexual issues in the past. Once you meet with that person, and you will go together first, then individually, be as open and frank as you would be with any medical professional.

Good luck. You are not alone. Far from it. The first step is feeling comfortable in talking about it. :rose: :hug:
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headlesshorseman
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GREAT words Little Diva...

Sorry to hear about this..I'm sure if you have read any of my posts..I'm pretty blunt and to the point so here goes..

Get some trashy Romance Novels....READ them...this will put you in the mood...that's why they are written ladies...Most of us Need MORE than a touch or a kiss to get us going..Men don't seem to have that problem.....Try that for a while...enjoy the book..then Enjoy your time with your husband...

I am NOT a pusher of alcohol..but if you are able to take a few drinks..then you will be able to relax a bit more..

If this doesn't help...then the next step is...when you are alone..and NO ONE is looking..and when you can RELAX...you need to read your book...and get a nice vibrator..sorry I had to say the "V" word..and see what makes you happy...There are many places that sell them...and you can even buy them on-line..It's legal in Texas now to host "Fu35erware" parties...so maybe you can host one...or go to one..and see what they have to offer...

Sex is NOT dirty...it should be fun...and YOU deserve to have some fun...

If you are doing research on line..you've read that an Orgasm can be reached differently...and during intercourse is not the only way..Oral stimulation is nice..and my friend can ONLY have one this way....Manually is another..

IF YOU can figure out what makes you happy....then you can show your husband... :)

Please keep an open mind..and try all the options that the TOC has to offer...ONE or TWO might work for you...then you'll be a happier poster...both in the saddle and on TOC

Good luck

Have a great day

HH :)
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Boston
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:hug:

The latest issue of Glamour has a big section about orgasms and answers questions just like this. It is quite informative.

I wouldn't think it has to due with riding, I think it's just a matter of finding what works for YOU. Personally, there's only one position that is a sure thing that works for me. It's the good old tried and true girl on top. Besides some very rare occasions, this has been the ONLY position that works for me.

Go pick up that issue of Glamour. If anything, it will give you some new ideas. Tell your hubby you want to try some new positions so you can find what works, I don't think he'll be opposed. ;)
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2bayboys
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HH has some great ideas, but if "romance novels" aren't your thing, there is some wonderful soft-core porn *literature* on the shelves these days...........well-written, imaginative, and you might be surprised which subjects and details get you warmed up (mentally) and produce a physical response.

Explore those physical responses ALONE.

I have had more than one friend with this issue, who never experienced "the big O" until well into their 30's.

Keep sharing about it!! Good luck!! :hug:
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3Bays
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:clap: APPLAUSE...very glad you had the courage to post this as there are gals who have this problem and it is BEYOND maddening that so many times MANY problems are dismissed as "all in your mind" (I've nearly died twice because docs said "it's all in your mind" and it absolutely was NOT so...)

Therefore, given you are not getting the support you need, I am a STAUNCH advocate of: FIRE YOUR DR and go ask your Ob/Gyn...if that dr gives you guff, get another one. Keep digging on this! Many hugggies to you for the situation, too! :hug:

I personally have NO problem in this dep't, and I've been riding for about 50 years fairly steadily...I seriously doubt riding has anything to do with it.

DO check medications you might be on...often, dysfunction can be a side effect...

If you aren't on any or find that side effects aren't the issue, have your doc do some testing for what seem like unrelated things, ie, your thyroid levels, your hormone levels, etc. Get some good, solid general bloodwork done...you may have some chronic/underlying medical problem interfering.

I second the sexy novel idea. Also: there are some dvd's out there done FOR women BY a woman named Candida Royale...they are loffly...romantic/sexy stories and they are extremely tastefully done! The DH and I both enjoy them...I would truly say this is NOT porn so to speak, but erotic art. Watch them together! :cloud9:

And, lastly: stress can really put a damper on things...I know it can for me and many gal pals have said the same...you get overtired, stressed about something or just too dern busy...hey, ya gotta relax and focus on you and your partner, not have shopping, work, kids, house, etc, etc, etc, on your mind! SO, see if setting aside a "date night" can work...be sure you get to be alone, soft lights, nice music, plate o' nibbles, some bevvies you guys like and just RELAX together. :candle: :cloud9: Don't focus on completions, just go by the minute as to how you both feel and focus on each other...this may be helpful also.

Oh, and one other thing...if you worry TOO much and focus TOO hard on "omigod, I can't do it!" then you are stressing yourself and blocking yourself. Just get a program of "dates", sexy/comfy clothes, some books and dvd's, food and beverage, music and close out the world...don't let anybody tell you it ain't important or that this is "in your head" in a derogatory fashion. As long as you are physically healthy and not having medicine side effects, then move forward with the "keep out the world dates" and RELAX...and VOILA! You have it all going for you...you want this, and you have a very understanding and loving partner! SO, claim your right to pleasure and love! ;) :rose:
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