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| UPDATE: children of alcoholics; going to first al-anon meeting | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Feb 4 2008, 02:56 PM (1,046 Views) | |
| KaliTude | Feb 6 2008, 03:50 PM Post #31 |
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Thomas H. Cruise!
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I didn't really want to read this thread or reply but this post struck me. While there wasn't any alcoholism in my family, I did deal a lot with very angry/mentally ill people and my father is or was a heroin addict. I say that because I have absolutely no idea if he is alive or dead. MY mother left us when I was an infant, and I have only met her less than a dozen times. She has suffered her entire life of eating disorders, as well as some sort of emotional problems that has caused her to go through many husbands and lives. I have never really "talked" to her, so I have no idea, what or who she is, but one doesn't just abandon their infant with the neighbor one day and never look back without having something going on. Anyway, I finally got my life together when I finally just let go. You cannot really help anyone, God knows I tried for years with my family, and then even became a social worker trying to help abused, drug addicted and homeless young people. All it ever did was make my own life miserable. I lost touch with my dad about 15 years ago now, he's either homeless somewhere or dead. And I too am still angry, even though I am glad he (and the rest of them) are out of my life. There's something really horrible about not having a childhood, then growing up and the anger you feel when you realize you never got to experience what should have been the best times of your life. But there are also wonderful things on the other side once you get away from it. |
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| Big Day | Feb 6 2008, 06:39 PM Post #32 |
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Magical Leopluridon
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Kalitude, my hat is off to you. Divorcing your family is tough, but so much healthier in the long than having them ruin yours. My BFF's father left when she was an infant. Last week, at the age of 41, she finds out that he did this to three other little girls -- different mothers, my friend was the youngest. He left the country and never came back, none of them every heard from him again. He was married to my friend's mom, never contacted her never called to find out about their infant daughter. He died twenty years later an alcoholic from jaw cancer. The more she learns about him the more she realizes she was lucky he left. She never had to deal with his problems. |
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| Uh Nony Moose | Feb 6 2008, 07:10 PM Post #33 |
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Weanling
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just thought i'd post an update. there's an alanon meeting tonight that i'm going to. i spoke with the local chapter contact and tonight is a women's only one hour meeting. i leave in 30 minutes. i'm scared. i'll report back later. thank you all for sharing your stories. i'm amazed at how many people here are so honest and up front about what they've endured and i appreciate your support and honor your bravery.
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| Won for Me | Feb 6 2008, 08:33 PM Post #34 |
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Is the meadow on fire?
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Moose, I appreciate your bravery...some of us want to know exactly what goes on at those meetings without having to take the step for ourselves. You are scoping it out for the rest of us.
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| Uh Nony Moose | Feb 6 2008, 10:05 PM Post #35 |
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Weanling
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well i went to the meeting and i'm glad i did. i was on the verge of tears the entire time and then when the leader asked me if i wanted to speak, the flood gates opened and i cried and cried and cried. i am not a crier and cannot remember the last time i did so (other than maybe at a sad movie). it was a women's only meeting which i think was actually a good first meeting for me to go to. i guess it was a lot like what you see on tv. there were readings that i think are done at every meeting then a topic of the evening and then sharing. when you want to share you say your name and everyone says "hello moose" and then you speak. i could see the program has brought a lot of hope, solace, loving, acceptance, and fellowship for the people who were there. it was a very positive experience and i think i will continue going. i am also going to recommend to mother that she goes as i think she could benefit a lot. i left with some pamphlets and a lot of questions that i didn't have time to ask - perhaps the answers are in the pamphlets. next time i will go early so i can look at some of the books and get recommendations on reading materials. overall a good evening and i'm glad i went. thank you all for suggesting it and sharing your experiences. |
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| Magic | Feb 6 2008, 10:36 PM Post #36 |
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Thomas H. Cruise!
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It sounds like it really was a a positive and cathartic experience. I really hope you keep up with the meetings-- I think they can really help people.
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| naters | Feb 6 2008, 11:17 PM Post #37 |
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It'll be an adventure! We're going on an adventure!
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yay for Moose!!! Hugs to you, hope you continue to go and get good support! |
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| Yaksmom | Feb 6 2008, 11:30 PM Post #38 |
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Thomas H. Cruise!
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Good for you!!! Don't be offended, but I am going to edit some of my posts as it occured to me that a) horse poeple know the offenders, and b) one of them can use a computer ;). PS - crying can be a good thing, and don't be in a rush to find all the answers. They will come in their own time. |
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| Buryinghill1 | Feb 7 2008, 05:25 AM Post #39 |
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You're BANNED!
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Crying IS a way of speaking |
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| varider | Feb 7 2008, 05:49 AM Post #40 |
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Shunnnnn the unbeliever. Shunnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn.
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I'm so glad to hear you found a meeting - and don't worry about crying. We've all done that in meetings. The emotional release when you find out you are not alone is an amazingly powerful reaction to something you are not totally aware of. I hope your mother will attend as well and find what she needs..
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| Circuspony | Feb 7 2008, 09:50 AM Post #41 |
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Thomas H. Cruise!
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So true! I was incredibly overwhelmed (relieved, but overwhelmed) when I started learning about the patterns of alcoholism and that other people really did understand what my family was dealing with. I'm late to the thread, but in response to your first post: are there children of alcoholics on here? yes, and apparently lots of us! how do you handle it? My dad's been sober for a few years now, but for a long time I handled it...barely. Learning about alcoholism, recognizing its effects on families and going to meetings helped me tremendously. have you confronted your parent? if so, what did you say? how did you say it? did your approaching the subject help? It took a long time for anyone to address the issue with my dad; my mom started and got him to go to rehab the first time. After that, all of us confronted him in a million different ways, and none of it helped at all - it was just a long cycle of rehab, relapse, hospital, back to rehab, rinse, repeat. I still don't know what changed when he finally managed/decided to stop the drinking for good. I'm not sure I'll ever understand, but I'm grateful every single day. His doctors and almost everyone around him thought he'd be dead by now, but...they were wrong. Is that because of an act of will, an act of God, some chemical rebalancing or something else? I don't know. Point being - as others have said on the thread, you're not going to change your parent, but there's a lot you can do to change and help yourself. |
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| DairyQueen2049 | Feb 7 2008, 10:43 AM Post #42 |
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DRAGON BREATH. DRAGGIN' BUTT
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Moose - GOOD FOR YOU!!!!
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| Almostafarm | Feb 7 2008, 10:50 AM Post #43 |
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We're on a bridge, Chaaaaaaaaarlie!
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No words..just wanted to give you a big hug Almosta |
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