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Dilemma, PLEASE help, really; please help here, just need ideas
Topic Started: Feb 2 2008, 09:22 PM (593 Views)
OnyxThePony
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I NEVER bitch online, so I"m sorry, but I could really use a hand here. REALLLLY.

Hubby's borther-and-wife (HAW) want to do something nice for hubby's parents (HP) for their 50th wedding anniversity. They figured on a cruise. HAW and HP are on the east coast, and we are in the west-middle of the country. The cruise would be on the west coast. So, lots of flying and stays in hotels. We have a dog that needs to be kenneled, and will not do well as he's a spoiled and a little high-strung/sensitive/aloof rescue miniature poodle.

HP's parents are retired, no jobs and no commitments in any way shape or form.
HAW are both working professionals at the top range of their salerys. HAW for example, just bought a house for HAW's brother-in-law. Yes. A house. HAW can easily get time off work with no hassle.

Ok.. the obvious problem.. We are a ONE income family. Even though hubby makes good $$, everyone thinks we have it MUCH better than we do, because we are careful. I am disabled (drunk driver hit me) BUT I don't qualify for any sort of assistance. So.. we're not as well off as everyone assumes.
Plus, hubby's job is very tense and demanding. He cannot usually tell when he can get time off untill that very day. In an emergency, he needs to be at work, as he's the #1 guy in his field in the Americas. This is more of a problem than the money in all honesty.
I am going back to school this year to try to get into Vet school. We've just managed to work this out, financially. I need to get two more years undergrad b/c my old science have expired.

SO.. thanks for staying with my life so far...
1) We need to come up with something nice to do for the HP that won't cost a friggen YEAR of my education.
2) But we apparently need to do this is a way as not to offend everyone else (WTF? what kind of family dynamic is this? but that's just my opinion). Neither hubby nore his brother really want to cruise but can't think of anything else.
3) We also need to do something that hubby can potentiall participate in without spending the money in advance in case he's unable to attend.

Only idea so far, is to pay for their cruise and hopefully be able to get away from work long enough to fly out to the coast for a few days to see them off.

ANY ideas for something that could be done, ANY thoughts on the situation are welcome, no matter how harsh sounding. Seriously, call me a callous she-dog intent on ruining the HP's special moment, ANYthing is welcome. :lonely:
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naters
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It'll be an adventure! We're going on an adventure!
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Hmmm.... maybe they could go on the cruise, and then you can (at a later date) send them plane tickets to come visit YOU. ?

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naters
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It'll be an adventure! We're going on an adventure!
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If Hubby's brother doesn't want to cruise anyway, it sounds like you may have an "easy out" ?
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Copper Leaf
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Geeze that's tough... Finding the time to take off may actually be more difficult than coming up with the $$$.... Having recently looked into a couple of cruises myself I found some really awesome deals.... mind you an inside cabin in steerage for $199 is bargain basement ;)

Could you guys meet up with them after the cruise and spend a weekend at a B&B somewhere in California wine country?
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3Bays
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Onyx, I'm assuming that the whole family knows of your condition? ANd, that you and your hubby are a one income family? It's unfair of them (especially since THEY are the ones with $$$) to expect to be treated to something as expensive as a cruise.

Is there not anything else you could do to gift them somehow that's less costly for now? Donating some money for a trip to Disneyland? A trip to Las Vegas (there are some fabulous package deals for MUCH less money than a cruise). Give them money towards the cruise but stay where you are...why do you have to fly to the coast and see them off? After all, THEY won't be living with the tight money and bills, you and hubby will!

I know the idea is to do something nice for them, but it seems like there might be better ideas that do not put this heavy burden on you guys.

Just take it from me: I did do the sort of thing you are discussing...for YEARS I spent money I did not have on parents and in-laws...all I got for it was carping and more demands and when my health failed (I am also disabled) guess what? NO ONE HAS HELPED EVER. We were told, "Figure it out for yourselves" (direct quote).

So, be careful of OVERdoing for the 'rents. I'm not saying you shouldn't do something, I'm saying if this idea is TOO much for you, don't step into the hole...try some other idea out. I think your hubby and his brother should discuss this further and brainstorm a bit...I don't clearly understand (if you all really want to have them go on a cruise) why you can't just offer to send some kind of $ that you CAN afford as a token gift to the cruise, a nice card and some flowers and let that be it?

Don't know if this has helped.
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Brydelle Farm
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Let your brother-in-law buy his parents the cruise, and you buy everyone webcams!! I did this for my family this year, as we are all spread out now (sister's husband is in the navy, got transfered to Maine, we are in VA) and it is a HUGE hit!! It is great, you get to see those you love more than you normally due to distance!

Do what you can, not what others want you to do! I am sure HP will totally understand and don't expect you do any more than what is reasonable.

Good luck on getting into vet school!!
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Bearhunter
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I am with Brydelle on this. Webcam is a great idea. Or a variation on that idea. What about a new camera or something they can take on the trip? Cruises are $$$ and if you can't go, don't want to go, and can't afford to go, you shouldn't be suckered into it. I am sure your HP know you care about them and will be appreciative whatever you do!
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Black Tack
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Onyx, I really like the idea of helping out financially with their cruise and going out for a few days beforehand to see them off.

We just had a family get together at an Inn down in Niagra on the Lake area. My 2 sisters and their spouses and we all stayed at the Inn and had a special dinner for my Dad and his SO(they live close by). It was a huge success and then we all met again for brunch the next morning. EVeryone really enjoyed it, although I will admit I was a tad apprehensive going in.

I bet hubby's parents will be thrilled just to spend some time with you guys if he can get away. And if he can't then they still have the cruise to look forward to. Are you thinking of an Alaska Cruise? Where would they leave from? I have some books on Inns if you need info.
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seal harbor
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They leave from BC or Seattle.
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3Bays
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:duh: :duh: :duh: Webcams!!! WOW, what a GREAT idea!! I feel like an idiot not thinking of that! GREAT suggestion.

And, I second the idea that the folks are MORE likely interested in just spending some TIME with you guys...applause to you all with your terrific suggestions and ideas. :rose:

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I still think you should buy them a pony! ;)
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RHowell
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Our world is so freaking materialistic that people have to compete with cruises and the like. That's more than a month's salary for some folk. I think the important part is the spending time with them. How about you invite them to come stay with you for a a long weekend or week and pay for their tickets...that way they'll have two weeks where they can visit kids (the cruise with the other side and the week with you at your house)....of course after they stay with you for a week, you'll wish you'd just coughed up for the cruise.

Are they computer savvy enough to work web cams? If so, that sounds like a fun idea too!
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MissBri
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But, I don't care - it's 5:00 somewhere
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I also vote for not doing the cruise thing - honestly I wouldn't even try to 'see them off'.

The webcam is a good idea - or plane tickets to visit you.

But I also agree that oftentimes we get caught up with the materialistic gifting -

Another gift idea that costs time but not a lot of moola is to put together a scrap book of their life. Include photos, stories, newspaper clippings, letters, etc. Contact some of their siblings, old friends, old neighbors, etc for more stories/memories. This is a gift from the heart that no money can buy. Trust me it will be tresured for generations, not just by the recipients.

Just my opinion.
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RHowell
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MissBri
Feb 4 2008, 04:29 AM
I also vote for not doing the cruise thing - honestly I wouldn't even try to 'see them off'.

The webcam is a good idea - or plane tickets to visit you.

But I also agree that oftentimes  we get caught up with the materialistic gifting -

Another gift idea that costs time but not a lot of moola is to put together a scrap book of their life. Include photos, stories, newspaper clippings, letters, etc. Contact some of their siblings, old friends, old neighbors, etc for more stories/memories. This is a gift from the heart that no money can buy. Trust me it will be tresured for generations, not just by the recipients.

Just my opinion.

Oh, totally agree with this one. My grandmother still goes through the photo albums and old videos with my dad and his wife and all the lil ones there!
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DairyQueen2049
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DRAGON BREATH. DRAGGIN' BUTT
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MissBri
Feb 4 2008, 04:29 AM
I also vote for not doing the cruise thing - honestly I wouldn't even try to 'see them off'.

The webcam is a good idea - or plane tickets to visit you.

But I also agree that oftentimes we get caught up with the materialistic gifting -

Another gift idea that costs time but not a lot of moola is to put together a scrap book of their life. Include photos, stories, newspaper clippings, letters, etc. Contact some of their siblings, old friends, old neighbors, etc for more stories/memories. This is a gift from the heart that no money can buy. Trust me it will be tresured for generations, not just by the recipients.

Just my opinion.

Ditto - and if they are computer grannie/grampies put it on a memory stick OR brun it to a CD they can play on their TV for friends.

My mom LOVES pics of her grand kids on the TV - so she can actually SEE them larger then life.
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