Welcome Guest [Log In] [Register]
Welcome to The Outside Course!

You're currently viewing our forum as a guest. This means you are limited to certain areas of the board and there are some features you can't use. If you join our community, you'll be able to access member-only sections, and use many member-only features such as customizing your profile, sending personal messages, and voting in polls. Registration is simple, fast, and completely free.


Join our community!


If you're already a member please log in to your account to access all of our features!

Username:   Password:
Add Reply
Accused of giving my horse....a hand job!
Topic Started: Jul 18 2007, 04:12 PM (4,663 Views)
macmtn
Member Avatar
Owned by an Arabian ghost
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Ok the neighbors have been around my horse for many years...all of the neighbors except the new ones down the hill. The other day my closest neighbor-who considers the NOT!! Spoiled Arabian partly hers :hug: ...told me others ( new neighbors) had seen me giving my male horse a hand job :o ...and considered me and my actions...obscene! ABUSIVE! VILE!! :duh: :censored:
Need I explain to other horse owners? its BUG SEASON! and Hizzhonor in spite of bug spray gets bitten...in places city folks consider...untouchable. Now-Hizzhonor appreciates a good scritch...hell if I stand next to him and scritch across his spine he will move forward and back to put the scritching hand exactly where the itches are. Very convenient...and smart. welll..I scritched his sheath where the deer flies got at him. Whereupon he spreads his back legs...leans forward...with that oh FEELLSS SOOOOO GOOODD look on his face... drops. Now...Mrs hand never actually touched the appendage. THAT is a mortal sin and will get a me a SINGLE warning-MINE DON'T TOUCH! :shoot: but...the sheath....is not part of the appendage, therefor a scritch is most welcome. I have no idea how many times I have reached under and scritched-or rubbed the bites-or checked him for ticks. A lot. Daily. Apparently the next time they see me abuse my horse I am gonna get a visit from the obscenity police. :nyah:
Wish the city folks would...go back to the city and take your DAM DOG WITH YOU! :brickwall: ( another tale for another bitch session)
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
2hsmommy
Member Avatar
It'll be an adventure! We're going on an adventure!
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
:lol: :lol:
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
OTF
Member Avatar
You're BANNED!
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Personally, I think you should make this a part of your everyday routine! :lol:
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
seal harbor
Member Avatar
Administrator
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
At least they have yet to witness SHEATH CLEANING!!! :jaw:

think that will upset them a little more? :yes: :teehee:
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
macmtn
Member Avatar
Owned by an Arabian ghost
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Sheath cleaning....um....that makes it necessary to touch the appendage ( even if its not evident) and THAT will result in a Single Warning from Hizzhonor (MINE- DON'T TOUCH!). ( I leave that to the vet with her tiny hands and REALLY good drugs)
But: the thought of them seeing me up to my elbow in...horse...give me delicious evil shivers...and that sight may just be the straw that sends them running back to the city (and take that DAM DOG WITH YOU) :mallet:
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Fish Cheeks
Member Avatar
You're BANNED!
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Hee hee, Miles used to not let me get my hand up there, but he looooves having his belly button scratched. So I've slowly worked my way back so that I can scritch the outside of the sheath, then just a little inside, then a little more, etc.

So yesterday after I rode, I had my hand up there and Mr. Fishy walked up and saw what I was doing and said "I'll leave the two of you alone" :teehee:

But, if he lets it hang out, I can only do a quick grab and swipe to get the crumblies off before I get the belly kick.

Horse people. We are weird, aren't we? :psycho:
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Sannois
Member Avatar
You're BANNED!
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
macmtn
Jul 18 2007, 07:12 PM
Ok the neighbors have been around my horse for many years...all of the neighbors except the new ones down the hill. The other day my closest neighbor-who considers the NOT!! Spoiled Arabian partly hers :hug: ...told me others ( new neighbors) had seen me giving my male horse a hand job :o ...and considered me and my actions...obscene! ABUSIVE! VILE!! :duh: :censored:
Need I explain to other horse owners? its BUG SEASON! and Hizzhonor in spite of bug spray gets bitten...in places city folks consider...untouchable. Now-Hizzhonor appreciates a good scritch...hell if I stand next to him and scritch across his spine he will move forward and back to put the scritching hand exactly where the itches are. Very convenient...and smart. welll..I scritched his sheath where the deer flies got at him. Whereupon he spreads his back legs...leans forward...with that oh FEELLSS SOOOOO GOOODD look on his face... drops. Now...Mrs hand never actually touched the appendage. THAT is a mortal sin and will get a me a SINGLE warning-MINE DON'T TOUCH! :shoot: but...the sheath....is not part of the appendage, therefor a scritch is most welcome. I have no idea how many times I have reached under and scritched-or rubbed the bites-or checked him for ticks. A lot. Daily. Apparently the next time they see me abuse my horse I am gonna get a visit from the obscenity police. :nyah:
Wish the city folks would...go back to the city and take your DAM DOG WITH YOU! :brickwall: ( another tale for another bitch session)

OMT LMAO The Next time you should have your friend out there with a Video camera!! Really give them something to talk about!! :lol: :lol: :lol: :rolleyes:
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
DairyQueen2049
Member Avatar
DRAGON BREATH. DRAGGIN' BUTT
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Citiots :duh:

Yeah, next time light some candles and play romantic music too. :psycho:

I had a neighbor ask me why I used vasaline on my mare's tooshy (who knew you could see so much when you are 80??) and I explained about the crusties and cleaning her, and bugs in the teat area....

Try to do that and keep a straight face with an 80 yr old. :teehee:
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Lawndart
Member Avatar
Slave to Horses, Beagles, and Kids
[ *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Considering what is on prime time TV these days, how can that be considered obscene? :huh:
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Everythingbutwings
Schooling
[ *  * ]
Do these neighbors think you're blindfolding him with the fly mask? :innocent:
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Lawndart
Member Avatar
Slave to Horses, Beagles, and Kids
[ *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Everythingbutwings
Jul 19 2007, 07:33 AM
Do these neighbors think you're blindfolding him with the fly mask? :innocent:

Wings, good to see you here :) I've been waiting to come across you somewhere to ask if you have any good sandwich spread receipes. I googled it, and I keep coming across chicken salad, etc, when what I really want is what you spread on the bread itself (like mayo or mustard) before adding sliced meat. I'm tired of plain old mayo.

On a fly mask note, did anyone see the new ones with bling sunglasses printed on them? That should give the non-horse lovers a clue what they are for! I am glad they didn't print flies all over them to get that idea across :P
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Indy
Member Avatar
You're BANNED!
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Too funny! I think you should personally invite them to come over and watch - tell them that your boy likes an audience and that they're welcome to participate :)

Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Trialbyfire
Member Avatar
You're BANNED!
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Everythingbutwings
Jul 19 2007, 10:33 AM
Do these neighbors think you're blindfolding him with the fly mask? :innocent:

I had a family get together last weekend and at least 5 adults asked me why I blindfolded my horses. :psycho: Didn't even try to venture a guess. And even when I told them they were fly masks, most of them asked "can they see through them?" Duh. No, they would rather be blind than have flies near their faces.

Totally understand the OP's "hand job".....my boarded gelding is rather hairless on his belly and the flies just went crazy on his belly button, sheath, and inner thighs at first. Now I have to lube him up with swat and also get in really close with the fly spray to get a good look.

If I had neighbors, I'm sure they would also question my relationship with the horse. But we know better. He likes it and I don't mind. Heck, it's just skin. :P
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
OpticalIllusion
Member Avatar
You're BANNED!
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Wonder what they would think if your vet had to come do a rectal on him, lol. (Not that Im wishing that on your pony)

I think Im the only one in this world who's gelding loves his sheath and "parts" cleaned, a little too much. Put my hand on his sheath and he says "Yes please!" My horse is a sicko.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Sannois
Member Avatar
You're BANNED!
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Fish Cheeks
Jul 19 2007, 12:31 AM
Hee hee, Miles used to not let me get my hand up there, but he looooves having his belly button scratched. So I've slowly worked my way back so that I can scritch the outside of the sheath, then just a little inside, then a little more, etc.

So yesterday after I rode, I had my hand up there and Mr. Fishy walked up and saw what I was doing and said "I'll leave the two of you alone" :teehee:

But, if he lets it hang out, I can only do a quick grab and swipe to get the crumblies off before I get the belly kick.

Horse people. We are weird, aren't we? :psycho:

ROTFLMAO!!!
Too funny Fishy!
You know what kind of muscles do those things have, MY boy can pull his back in like crazy even when I have a firm grip! :lol: :innocent:
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
1 user reading this topic (1 Guest and 0 Anonymous)
DealsFor.me - The best sales, coupons, and discounts for you
Go to Next Page
« Previous Topic · The Barn Aisle · Next Topic »
Add Reply