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Heroes of Wulin
Topic Started: Jun 19 2013, 10:16 PM (38,477 Views)
Aurondarklord
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Zod Kneels Before ME!
[ *  *  * ]
(OOC: Though this thread contains a fictitious representation of war, it is certainly not an endorsement of war. War, in real life, is horrible, and can only be presented fictionally in a fun light with the audience under the full understanding that they are participating in escapism that has no bearing on reality)

*One morning, readers of the Metropolis Times might open up the classifieds to find, buried among the personal ads, offers for dog walking services, and garage sales, a very unusual little ad:

"Friendly deity looking for heroic adventurers to save exotic world and beat up baddies. Must bring own weapons and/or superpowers and speak Chinese. Payment negotiable, safety not guaranteed, inquire at any Merian place of worship for more details.
IBKC approves this message."

Despite the ad being little more than a footnote in the classifieds, it was somehow very noticeable, and copies of the paper would somehow seem to fall or flip open to its page by chance.*
Edited by Aurondarklord, Jun 19 2014, 11:02 PM.
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Actually it's about ethics...and possibly biting off your leg!
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AmadisAnguiano
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"Science vill send you back to Hell, Edison!"
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A girl with white hair, and dressed in all white, except for an alchemical symbol made of red light shining through her hair covering her right eye (OoC: Younger days here, she's older now) was mixing up some bottles of what looked like glowing chemicals in the cafeteria at Agency HQ when a newspaper left behind blew open on the table in front of her.

"Hm? Hey, Jenna, you speak chinese, right?" the girl looking about seventeen-years-old asked.
"Nikola Tesla was terrified by the occult.... Considering that he was completely insane, it was likely he had been seeing the dead for quite sometime. To worsen the situation, Thomas Edison was a total dick, and decided upon his death to haunt the shit out of Tesla. So Tesla built a beam weapon that can tear reality asunder and unmake all things in its wake... then he put it in a flashlight." - http://www.geist-panik.com/
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Amadís Anguiano
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Stu
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[ *  *  * ]
*One person reading this ad with much interest was Kash Trubak, the Seterian martial arts expert/trainer/choreographer/movie star. He was having breakfast with his girlfriend Kara Mious at the time*

Kash: Hmmmm...hey Karacakes...what do you think of this as something I could do? *he passed the paper to her and pointed to the ad*
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Aurondarklord
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[ *  *  * ]
*Jenna, who was currently fiddling with the filter on the cafeteria coffeepot, looked over.*

Jenna: Hmm? Of course Stiby. 這是我的母語。

*Jenna's voice was so soft she spoke barely above a whisper most of the time.*

Jenna: Don't forget to put those away when you're done with them, remember the time Agent Fox thought it was soda and drank one?

-----------

Kara: Mrf?

*Kara looked up from her pad, a slice of toast sticking out of her mouth, and took a look at the ad, quickly noshing through the toast to give it her full attention.*

Kara: Heroic adventurers...beat up baddies...inquire at...oh, Meria, of course. hahaha! Never seen a God put an ad in the paper before, of course she'd be the first...assuming this is legit and not just someone's idea of a joke. But sure, why not? Adventures in front of a green screen aren't gonna make up for the real thing, which you've been pretty light in since General Armless disappeared into the deepest darkest hole your people have.
Edited by Aurondarklord, Jun 19 2013, 10:54 PM.
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AmadisAnguiano
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"Science vill send you back to Hell, Edison!"
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"Who knew so many leaves could fit in a person's lungs..." Stiby mumbled, though then added, "What's the IBKC?"
"Nikola Tesla was terrified by the occult.... Considering that he was completely insane, it was likely he had been seeing the dead for quite sometime. To worsen the situation, Thomas Edison was a total dick, and decided upon his death to haunt the shit out of Tesla. So Tesla built a beam weapon that can tear reality asunder and unmake all things in its wake... then he put it in a flashlight." - http://www.geist-panik.com/
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Stu
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[ *  *  * ]
Kash: "General Armless" aww...*Kash stifled a laugh* He's actually not that locked down any more, you know. Since he saw the error of his ways and gave up, he's been advising on certain operations from captivity...without really being told anything too major, of course. But yeah, this does seem like a chance to good again and have some fun. Also, test out some new gear I've got. I just worry about you, you know. I know how bored you get without me, with the dull life you lead...*he grinned boyishly, obviously joking around*

-----------

*Meanwhile, a coach pulled into a bus depot on the west side of town. Among the people getting off were a young chinese man in his 20s. While not overly physically imposing, he was clearly in good condition. He was dressed rather modestly in loose pants for flexibility, a shirt and a denim jacket, a rucksack slung over one shoulder. He was good looking and freshfaced, having an easy earnestness and approachability to him that anyone would somehow be able to sense off of him, his dark short hair moving a little at the cool breeze- that slapped the classified section of the Times over his face. With some composure he pulled it off and noted the ad*

Hark: 如何耐人尋味......
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Aurondarklord
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Jenna: Ummm...it's Meria, so K is kitty or kitten...so...IB....oh. Itty Bitty Kitty Committee.

----------

*Kara rolled her eyes.*

Kara: Oh, that's gonna go well. I shoulda shot the bastard when I had the chance. And yes, of course, I'll just sit here eating bon bons, looking out the window and sighing as I wait for my man to come home to me.

*Kara vaulted over the table so she could land in Kash's lap, straddle, and kiss him.*

Kara: I WILL wait for you to come home to me though, every day. I'd come with, but I'm committed to a job, Stiletto blah blah Swordie end of the world blah.
Edited by Aurondarklord, Jun 19 2013, 11:10 PM.
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AmadisAnguiano
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"Science vill send you back to Hell, Edison!"
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Stiby blushed a little.

"That's almost naughty. But... Meria's... almost naughty, too. Things have been slow here. Any thoughts of taking the job?" she asked.
"Nikola Tesla was terrified by the occult.... Considering that he was completely insane, it was likely he had been seeing the dead for quite sometime. To worsen the situation, Thomas Edison was a total dick, and decided upon his death to haunt the shit out of Tesla. So Tesla built a beam weapon that can tear reality asunder and unmake all things in its wake... then he put it in a flashlight." - http://www.geist-panik.com/
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Stu
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[ *  *  * ]
Kash: Well you know, he was mostly following Jenesa's lead, and she's not a factor anymore. I think he's legit.
*He kissed her back* Yeah, that's probably for the best. More your speed. I've got the hard job.
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Aurondarklord
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*Jenna blinked a couple times.*

Jenna: That's naughty? How's that naughty? That's just....kittens...in a committee. But you know, why not, we both have Gods know how many vacation days saved up.

--------------

Kara: You know, with whatever goofy world Meria's doubtlessly created, I don't entirely disagree with you.
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Stu
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[ *  *  * ]
Kash: Well thoughts of you will keep me going when I'm facing marshmallow golems.
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Aurondarklord
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[ *  *  * ]
Kara: Hey, marshmallow golems are more dangerous than you think. Especially the fluff kind, It's like the michelin man had a kid with T1000, and you can't even burn them, they just toast. Watch Ghostbusters.

*It was very hard to tell if she was having him on or actually speaking from experience.*
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Stu
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Kash: Well I'll just turn them to toast and break them down with a bucket of hot coffee...or tea, more likely if this place I'm going to is China-influenced.
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Evasto
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[ *  *  * ]
*At her suburban flat, Rin Ketsuki, clad in a simple white kimono, was just wrapping up getting her breakfast ready. Leaving some of it to cook, she headed out to fetch the newspaper, picking it up from beside her mailbox and heading back inside as she got it out of its bag. She tossed it onto the table after she did before getting her breakfast together and went back. She paused, though, looking down at the paper, as it had landed open right on the classifieds, with the odd ad strangely prominent despite the other ads around it. Rin knelt down on her cushion, setting her breakfast down and picked up the paper, looking through the ad curiously as she ate.*

Rin: -tilthead- Hm...

*She idly tapped her chopstick on the bowl of rice, glancing up in thought. She looked back down at the ad, shrugged, and set the paper down to focus on finishing her breakfast. With it done, she tucked the dishes away into the dishwasher to be cleaned, then picked up the newspaper and headed back to her room. She approached a full-length mirror she had there, muttering a few words in Japanese as she went toward it. Symbols glowed in chromatic blue on the glass, before the glow blossomed outward to the frame of the mirror, leaving a ripply image of a more dimly lit, Japanese-styled room in its wake. Rin stepped through the mirror portal, the glow returning to the middle of the mirror and fading away, leaving no trace the portal had been there. Rin, now in the hidden HQ of the Ame Ninja clan, headed out of her quarters and to the doors of the Grandmaster's room. She opened them, stepping into the darkness beyond before closing the doors behind her and turned.*

Rin: <Grandmaster Kurai?>

*Kurai's silky voice murmured out of the darkness.*

Kurai: <Yes, Rin?>

*Rin walked in further, toward where Kurai was sitting in the dark, kneeling down before the Grandmaster*

Rin: <This ad in the paper caught my eye, I wanted to make sure it was all right to follow up on it.>

Kurai: <Oh? Let me see.>

*Rin handed Kurai the paper, the Grandmaster opening up to read the ad. She chuckles as she hands it back*

Kurai: <It isn't every day a deity puts an ad in the newspaper. -folds her hands into her sleeves- <Feel free to follow up on it, no good could come of passing it up, yes?>

*Rin smiled and nodded...well, bowed more or less*

Rin: <Very true, Grandmaster. Thank you, I'll get ready right away.>

*She stood and left Kurai's chamber, returning to her quarters, where she got out of her kimono and began gathering equipment..*
Edited by Evasto, Jun 20 2013, 12:09 AM.
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Aurondarklord 11:29 pm
they also think pokemon are "oriental demons"
so they're not just nuts, they're racist too!

AkaneSyria 11:30 pm
a double feature!

Aurondarklord 11:31 pm
and apparently pokemon even all have the names of real demons
I wasn't aware of the evil marquis of hell named Diglett who commands 40 infernal legions

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Aurondarklord
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Kara: I would have gone with smoke pellets that generate a cloud of fluoroantimonic acid but that works too.
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Stu
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[ *  *  * ]
Kash: *chuckles* Well I'll be taking my modified combat gloves, boots and pads at least. Hopefully that'll be enough. Oh, and my "smart glasses" to record it.
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Aurondarklord
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Kara: Careful with the gravity stuff though, you don't know what this planet's tech level's gonna be like, so be mindful of what you let them see, or a hundred years from now there might be people running around with gravity bombs but a medieval mindset and they'll war themselves into extinction.
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Stu
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[ *  *  * ]
Kash: Okay, I'll reserve my super punching and super absorption tech for when I really need it.
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Aurondarklord
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Kara: Well, more I mean make sure the gloves LOOK normal on the outside. I don't want you to hold back, after all, if you were fighting with one hand tied behind your back, I'd worry.
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Stu
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[ *  *  * ]
Ixy: I wouldn't. I'm not too bad at the Way of the Hobbled Tiger. And the gloves just look stylised, not really high tech to the undiscerning eye.
Edited by Stu, Jun 20 2013, 01:25 AM.
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Aurondarklord
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Kara: Hehehe, okay, go, shoo, have fun! The sooner you get going, the sooner you can come back!
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Stu
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[ *  *  * ]
Kash: Okay then! *he'd lift her up off of him him before going to pack what he needed, coming back out and giving her one last kiss before heading out the door*
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Aurondarklord
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*Kara waved sweetly before locking up and teleporting off herself.*
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Stu
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[ *  *  * ]
*Kash would proceed to the nearest Temple of Meria*
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Aurondarklord
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[ *  *  * ]
*Kash's local Merian Center was a modest, modern building made of painted white wood and glass, with a sloped roof that curved into a modest steeple that bore the Merian pawprint and seemed to be designed to vaguely resemble a stereotypical doghouse in architectural style. While the building was fairly small, it had comparatively large, well kept, and fenced in grounds, because it doubled as both house of worship and animal shelter, and the various pets could be seen freely roaming both the grounds and within the church itself. Kash had come in during morning prayers, all of the congregants were snuggling little kitties, puppies, bunnies, and other cuddly animals while praying like they were spiritual foci for their worship, and the Blessed Sister leading the rite, who looked like this but with fluffy white bunny ears and a pawprint symbol instead of a cross was tending to a brazier where balls of yarn and cookies were being burnt as sacrifices. She looked up when she saw Kash, and came over quietly*

Blessed Sister: May I help you? Are you looking to join our flock of fluffy sheepies or adopt a companion?
Edited by Aurondarklord, Jun 20 2013, 02:22 AM.
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[ *  *  * ]
*Kash was suitably amused by the place, but kept a respectful demeanour*
Kash: Actually Sister, I'm here about an advert in the Metropolis Times this morning, about an adventure to save and exotic world and applicants needing to speak Chinese?
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Aurondarklord
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[ *  *  * ]
Blessed Sister: Oh! That, yes, we were all told to await replies for that.

*The blessed sister ran off quickly, coming back with a large pillow she put down on the floor in front of Kash.*

Blessed Sister: If you would please kindly step onto the pillow in front of you....though perhaps you should take off your boots first...
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[ *  *  * ]
Kash: Um, all right.
*Kash removed his footwear, holding it with one hand, and stepped onto the pillow.*
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AmadisAnguiano
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"Science vill send you back to Hell, Edison!"
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Aurondarklord
Jun 19 2013, 11:33 PM
*Jenna blinked a couple times.*

Jenna: That's naughty? How's that naughty? That's just....kittens...in a committee. But you know, why not, we both have Gods know how many vacation days saved up.
Stiby would reach up to cover her chest with her hands.

"Because... that sounds like a play on... the... itty bitty... .... tittie committee," Stiby explained, but then just shrugged it off as she dropped her hands, "Wait, both of us? I don't know chinese yet. Or. Wait. Do I?" Stiby actually by now had come to know multiple languages by supernatural means, but often did not realize she was talking in or understanding the different languages when she did.

---

Kash would probably fall right through the pillow, which would end up spinning in place like it had been a revolving trap door. Dropping down under the pillow would lead someone falling down a tunnel made of mattresses and pillows which somehow weirdly gave the aesthetic presentation of trying to resemble rock and dirt and earth, as if someone had built a pillow fort to an underground caverns theme. At the very bottom of the drop would be a young girl of perhaps eighteen with ruby red hair and mostly green skin, though with blue skin around her cheekbones and eyes, which had yellow irises, as well as some red tinges on the skin of the tips of her pointy ears, fingertips, elbows, chin, and noes; she wore a very simple brown robe. Waving happily, she would hope to greet Kash and help him up if he wanted.

"Hello! You're the first one to apply! Yeay! Thanks for coming! Right this way!" the funny looking girl would then try to scurry off in this seemingly underground world made of bedding.
Edited by AmadisAnguiano, Jun 20 2013, 05:54 AM.
"Nikola Tesla was terrified by the occult.... Considering that he was completely insane, it was likely he had been seeing the dead for quite sometime. To worsen the situation, Thomas Edison was a total dick, and decided upon his death to haunt the shit out of Tesla. So Tesla built a beam weapon that can tear reality asunder and unmake all things in its wake... then he put it in a flashlight." - http://www.geist-panik.com/
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Stu
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[ *  *  * ]
*Kash wouldn't need help getting up, as despite the surprise of the drop, he managed to come roll up onto his feet at the end*
Kash: Nice to meet you. My name's Kash. *he'd follow the girl, ducking his head if he needed to*
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Aurondarklord
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[ *  *  * ]
Jenna: But Meria doesn't have itty bitty titties...and everything she does seems to be about kitties, so...

*Now Jenna was blushing too, thinking about all this.*

Jenna: Anyway, I've heard you speak Chinese, so I'm pretty sure you do....
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AmadisAnguiano
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"Oh, okay. Well, I would be remiss to not come to the aid of the Gods when they need it," Stiby said, having come from much older times, though still looked up, "As long as Max thinks it's okay?"

---

The tunnels were quite spacious, and got bigger as they travel through, occasionally passing vast cavernous sections, all made with cushions and covers.

"Nice to meet you Mr. Money! You're light on your feet! That's good! Careful you don't turn into a kitty while here! Or don't be careful! Cute is good!" the guiding girl made small talk.
"Nikola Tesla was terrified by the occult.... Considering that he was completely insane, it was likely he had been seeing the dead for quite sometime. To worsen the situation, Thomas Edison was a total dick, and decided upon his death to haunt the shit out of Tesla. So Tesla built a beam weapon that can tear reality asunder and unmake all things in its wake... then he put it in a flashlight." - http://www.geist-panik.com/
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Aurondarklord
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[ *  *  * ]
Jenna: Well we should go talk to Max then, at least about whether he'll let us take some vacation days now.

*Though Jenna didn't directly say it, the meaning that it wasn't Max's business what they did on their vacation was implicit. Though Stiby had met Jenna later, she still might see that as a sign of how far she'd come from her extreme meekness.*
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AmadisAnguiano
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Stiby nodded and packed up her supplies, and then went to follow after Jenna like a puppy. Oddly, as Jenna became more independent, Stiby was now the new meek girl of the group, if only because she was so trusting and put all her faith in the agency staff that had raised her.
"Nikola Tesla was terrified by the occult.... Considering that he was completely insane, it was likely he had been seeing the dead for quite sometime. To worsen the situation, Thomas Edison was a total dick, and decided upon his death to haunt the shit out of Tesla. So Tesla built a beam weapon that can tear reality asunder and unmake all things in its wake... then he put it in a flashlight." - http://www.geist-panik.com/
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Aurondarklord
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[ *  *  * ]
*Max was in his office, videoconferencing with the President, the Secretary General, and several foreign heads of state while videos played of Lantern ships orbiting the terraformed 90377 Sedna. This looked like really serious business so Jenna would politely wait outside until his conference finished before knocking.*

Max: Come in.
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AmadisAnguiano
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"More Lantern problems?" Stiby asked.
"Nikola Tesla was terrified by the occult.... Considering that he was completely insane, it was likely he had been seeing the dead for quite sometime. To worsen the situation, Thomas Edison was a total dick, and decided upon his death to haunt the shit out of Tesla. So Tesla built a beam weapon that can tear reality asunder and unmake all things in its wake... then he put it in a flashlight." - http://www.geist-panik.com/
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[ *  *  * ]
Kash: Ah, I'm closer to a fish actually. Cats are likely to eat me.
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AmadisAnguiano
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"That joke would make more sense if you were a girl," Twi giggled, "Or maybe you're a catfish!"
"Nikola Tesla was terrified by the occult.... Considering that he was completely insane, it was likely he had been seeing the dead for quite sometime. To worsen the situation, Thomas Edison was a total dick, and decided upon his death to haunt the shit out of Tesla. So Tesla built a beam weapon that can tear reality asunder and unmake all things in its wake... then he put it in a flashlight." - http://www.geist-panik.com/
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Aurondarklord
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[ *  *  * ]
Max: Problems? Hopefully not. They've terraformed that entire little dwarf planet and every once in a while they start converting some of its mass into ships or engines or whatever the fuck, or rearranging it, or otherwise making the world very nervous even though so far they haven't done anything. Right now I'm more concerned with making sure no country gets the idea to strike first and forces a conflict if one still might be avoidable. So what did you need?

Jenna: Well, I was going to ask if it would be okay for us to take a couple weeks vacation, but from the sound of it...

Max: No, it's...it's fine, I can call you in if the Lanterns actually attack, but until then, we have no way of knowing what's going through their spiky heads and we can't all put our lives on indefinite hold for them.
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"Science vill send you back to Hell, Edison!"
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Stiby looked up at Jenna as if silently asking her if they should tell Max where they're going for their vocation vacation.
"Nikola Tesla was terrified by the occult.... Considering that he was completely insane, it was likely he had been seeing the dead for quite sometime. To worsen the situation, Thomas Edison was a total dick, and decided upon his death to haunt the shit out of Tesla. So Tesla built a beam weapon that can tear reality asunder and unmake all things in its wake... then he put it in a flashlight." - http://www.geist-panik.com/
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