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Horrible jokes
Topic Started: Jul 18 2009, 03:39 PM (155 Views)
Belschaft
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I'm not sure whether or not the T&C's allow this kind of thing, but I'll risk it :P

Post your most horrible (weird/depraved/sick) jokes here. The perosn with the most 'eww that sick's' wins.


Joke- I met a pre op transsexual yesterday. She didn't tell me, it just came up during conversation.


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I have just prune a bunch of the posts out of this thread as they were offensive, and warned the members involved. I am prepared to let this thread live however because not all horrible jokes will break the terms of use. Before posting a joke in here think:
1. Does it break the SSA rules http://z8.invisionfree.com/SSA05/index.php?act=boardrules
2. Does Invisionfree count it as prohibited content:

Quote:
 
3.1 Prohibited Content:
Users may not post, upload, link to, or email any Content that contains, promotes, gives instruction about, or provides prohibited Content. Prohibited Content includes any Content that breaks any local, state, county, national or international law. Prohibited Content also includes: (a) Content that infringes upon any rights (including, but not limited to, copyrights and trademarks); (B) Abusive, threatening, defamatory, racist, or obscene Content; © Viruses or any other harmful computer software; (d) False information or libel; (e) Spam, chain letters, or pyramid schemes; (f) Gambling or Illicit drugs; (g) Terrorism; (h) Hacking or cheating Content for internet/online games; (i) Warez, Roms, CD-Keys, Cracks, Passwords, or Serial Numbers; (j) Pornography, nudity, or sexual material of any kind; (k) Excessive profanity; (l) Content that is invasive of privacy or impersonation of any person/entity; and (m) Hacking materials or information.
Repeat copyright infringers will have access to InvisionFree terminated.

3. Would I be offended if the joke was about me

As long as they are all no, feel free to post the joke. Myself and Moley will be monitoring this thread closely though, and we will hand out warnings if we have to.

If anyone is offended by a joke in this thread use the report button
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Belschaft
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Probably. This is kinda a social experiment.
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Belschaft
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Nice.
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Kazikittymoto
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*bows*
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Gillfish
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Seeing this thread brings to mind a lot of sick jokes one of my friends keep telling.

I may post some if this thread is allowed to live.
"I beat up an admin trophy"
!!stating the obvious about the obvious sticker!!
"dynamite trophy for inventiveness"
"Most Amusing Typo of the Week" edited to read "Absolutely Most Amusing Typo Ever"
"Tastiest Member of the SSA" sign
"Bel is (not) my God" badge
"The Pun that Made Bel Cry" medal
"These go to 11!" Trophy
"Victory Medal of Victoriousness"
"Good memory" award
'I complete Sentences amusingly' badge
'golden yeti award'
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Dunkum
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the first thought i had was to post a link to goatse, then i decided that would be a terrible idea, and didnt do it
'I have composed the SSA holy Creed' trophy, 'Moley mind reader' trophy, "saved Poppet from a sleepless night" pennant, "Getting Back to the Point" medal, "Certified UN Translator Certificate", 'Well done, Dunkum' Trophy, 'Inspired comedy' Trophy, "Playing the game right" trophy, life-sized Don Quixote bust and membership into the Windmill Enthusiasts club, 'OOOOH! BURN!' Trophy, 'hazardous mutation of Thread-Kinesis', robocup trophy, Diogenes club award for most books read 2010, Diogenes club award for most fiction read 2010, medal for Legendary Ambusher Skill

"Your incestuous murder-child was Hitler AND Stalin"
~SMBC theater
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Kazikittymoto
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:D
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We need a Dutch guy on here. Racism doesn't exist in the Netherlands.
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Wolfemastre
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what happened to the fly on the toilet seat? He got pissed off.
Dogs are forever in the pushup postion ~Mitch Hedburg

Gold Plated Rhyno Email duke of bastards "I noticed an admin" award "I don't have many trophies" plaque an unidentified something-or-other. 'Slightly disturbing image trophy'"Funniest picture I've seen today" trophy. 'Sensible question' medal I actually made a statement that can be proven... and then proved it! a golden spoon "100% Disturbing Video" medal 'Traitor Canine of the year trophy for 2009' a shiny brass medal for giving DG an interesting weapon idea. 2nd place award for most methodically disturbing death.
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Kazikittymoto
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A: Before the First Period.
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Kazi and Bel: Too far.

Read the rules - http://z8.invisionfree.com/SSA05/index.php?act=boardrules

I have decided to let this thread live however, because not all 'horrible' jokes are considered against our rules.

Before you post any joke think how you would feel if it were you the joke was on.

Racism jokes, and jokes about genocide are definite no-nos Bel and Kazi.
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Kazikittymoto
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I figured as much. But in all fairness I did ask Bel if he thinks racist jokes could be permitted. lol
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Kazikamimoto,Jul 24 2009
05:01 PM
I figured as much. But in all fairness I did ask Bel if he thinks racist jokes could be permitted. lol

In all fairness, Bel was warned aswell.
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An Aussie, a little man, was sitting at a bar in Sydney when this huge,burly American guy walks in. As he passes the Aussie, he hits him on the neck Knocking him to the floor.

The big,burly Yank says,"That's a karate chop from Korea." Well, the Aussie Gets back on his barstool and resumes drinking his beer.

The burly Yank then gets up to go to the bathroom and, as he walks by the Aussie, he hits him on the other side of the neck and knocks him to the Floor. "That's a judo chop from Japan", he says.

The Aussie decides he's had enough and leaves. A half hour later he comes Back and sees the burly Yank bastard sitting at the bar. He walks up behind Him and smacks him on the head, knocking him out.

The Aussie says to the bartender,"When he wakes up mate, tell him that was a f**kin' crowbar from Bunnings."
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A mate of mine called Billy walked into the pub with an emu and a cat. He walked up to the bar and said "Schooner of VB for me, Schooner of VB for the emu, scotch and coke for the cat". They found a table, sat down and drank their drinks.

Next it was the emu’s round. He walked up to the bar and said “Schooner of VB for me, Schooner of VB for Billy, scotch and coke for the cat". He took the drinks back to the table and they drank them.

When it was the Cat's turn to buy, he told them to "F**k off!"

So Billy went back to the bar and said “Schooner of VB for me, Schooner of VB for the emu and scotch and coke for the cat".

The Barman was curious about this and said "I notice that you and the emu have both bought a round but the cat hasn't. Why is this?"

Billy replied, "I helped a little old lady across the road, and she turned out to be my Fairy Godmother. She granted me one wish".

"What did you wish for?" said the Barman.

"I wished for a long legged bird with a tight pussy!"
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Kazikittymoto
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I think I'll avoid posting in this thread....knowing me I'll probably offend someone.
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Belschaft
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Bel sorry :(
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Nevrotic Maniacs
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Yet another humorous rank title
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mmm

What will ofend someone will probably be mild to another. But also vice versa. For a Portuguese a no-no can be different of a no-no for an American or for an Australian. I will not be testing that difference here.

Any society does need rules and sometimes people have to be shown that there are lines that should not be crossed.

I suppose one of the signs of being "grown up" is the knowledge of where the lines are and being able to live in the society that we all form without crossing them. And a child will be saying gross things so as to test were the line is. And boy, do those lines move...


Even if one leaves sanity at the door, one should not leave decency, I guess. And most certainly not leave common sense.









1984 is in the past now











as 2001














Should I be worried?



The above statements should be handled with care, read with a fresh mind and accompanied by a good drink. Should these recommendations not be exactly followed, the author hereby declines any responsibilities for the ensuing consequences, including, amongst several others not explicitly mentioned, the growth of horns, severe constipation or eternal damnation.
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Maybe?
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