| Autobiography of the Biggest Douche Ever | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Nov 27 2013, 11:03 PM (774 Views) | |
| xd001 | Nov 27 2013, 11:03 PM Post #1 |
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spriter!!!!!!
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Hey everyone, I’m writing this because I feel really sad and I have nobody to vent to. Over the last 4 months I have both gotten and lost my first girlfriend. I want to write the story of what happened and how it ended and I would really like your advice on this if anyone has any. So here is basically the last 11 months in one post. So in December of 2012, the math club from my high school and I went to a competition at a Florida university. At this competition during our break, I looked far off into the middle of a the school and I saw the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen rolling on the ground with her friend laughing. That girl made a huge impression on me and I have never forgotten that day. On the bus going back to school from the competition, I began to talk to her and I found out her name (who we will refer to as V), religion, age, you know the basic stuff. We didn't really talk after that until February of 2013. Before February I asked all of my friends about her like who she was, if she had a boyfriend, stuff like that. This continued until about February of 2013 when my school was hosting its own math competition. Naturally we’d both be there. Just to make sure that I would see her a lot that day, I signed up for the food committee after she signed up for it so we would work in the same place during the competition. During the competition I got to know her a little better, but I noticed that I was getting too nervous to be my usual funny self so I was just awkward and weird. During the trophy ceremony at the end of the competition, I asked my friend M how I should get her number. Obviously, he said to just ask for it. So after the ceremony was over I walked to her and asked her for her number. At first she said no, but then she said yes and gave it to me, I still have it memorized. So with her number I began to text her everyday. Everyday I texted her for a long time. And one time I even drew a picture of her dog for her. She didn't show me but I knew she liked it. I also tried flirting like twice but she told me to stop so I did. The texting stage was weird because of how awkward I was. But for some reason I could never tell if she liked me or not. One day in June of 2013 after several days of being kind of pushy about things I asked her what she wanted from me and where she thought this was going because even though she was flirty with me, I never knew if she liked me. She told me that she was sorry but she was flirty with everyone and that we were too different and I was a little too weird, and that day we decided to stop communicating with each other indefinitely. The next two days were horrible for me. I felt like my heart was ripped out of my chest and I felt so empty inside it was unbearable. I texted my two friends M and A on the second day because I just couldn’t take the emptiness. They said to not text her back unless I just had to, so I decided to wait. On the third day I was surprised however as she decided to text me. She told me she liked me and that she missed me and that my perseverance won her over. For the next two weeks we spoke like we were in love because honestly we were. It was nice and finally I asked her out. My first date ever, and it was to see a movie. I had a great time and towards the end of the movie she and I got our first kisses. I was so in love I couldn’t believe it. The second date was a little expensive but it was okay because my mom had just gotten paid so it was all good. She had been dropping hints about me wanting to buy her flowers, but I had forgotten to get them. Around this time I would go to her house regularly and she would cook me dinner every night, so I could not complain. At this point in my relationship I made a promise to her. I promised her I would stop watching porn. For the next two weeks I stuck true to that and I didn’t watch porn. However, one day while at her house, (I had already met her whole family) I went to go use the bathroom. While I was in there, she got my phone and found porn on it. When I came back she was so upset and sad it made me want to die. I left 15 minutes later because my parents had agreed to pick me up. I spent that night on FaceTime begging her to forgive me and telling her that I loved her. Finally, she forgave me and made me promise I would not watch porn. So besides getting into the occasional dumb fight every so often , life was great. Although at some points the fights were a lot, it was great. Now its important to note that V would do basically anything with me as long as we weren't in danger of getting caught. So we played around and all that, but we started getting into more fights. She would make me cards and little notes and when I wouldn’t do the same thing, she would get super upset. So upset that she wouldn’t FaceTime me to sleep at night like she usually did. This fights really made me hate life sometimes but eventually they stopped. She did however stopped showing any gratitude or affection for what I did and I don’t know maybe they really did suck I don’t know. All I know is that she said I was becoming self-centered, inconsiderate, and lazy. Eventually she gave up on expecting stuff like that because of this and therefore stopped making me notes and cards. I know I’m stupid. Fights like these went on for a while. They never stopped actually. Then one morning I wake up like 1.5 hours late for school and I freaked out. I checked my phone and she was furious about how irresponsible I was and how I promised her that I would meet her at school that day like 30 minutes before it started. Once I found out my grandmother had died, I explained it to her and she said she was sorry, The next night at the funeral she went and my entire extended family got to meet her so it was nice. From then until last night I guess I’ve begun to cry again. I don’t know why, but after she died I have been crying for major fights every time even though I had not cried for about 5-6 years. So one day while we were walking her dog she said that I was gonna miss all the things I found annoying about her like when she sticks her buggers on me. That moment I began to cry like a maniac. She called me down and assured me that she loved me and everything would be okay. Ever since the first porn incident, V was always very jealous with me and I would go to her house everyday because she would get upset if I didn’t. She was kind of a demanding person, but I loved her so who cares. As her birthday in November approached, my mother and I realized that we had reached the bottom of our pockets, we had no money to spend on a gift. Knowing how crazy upset she would be, I got my parents to find $25 and buy her 3 bracelets ( 1 bronze colored, 1 silver colored, and 1 gold colored) and some balloons. That night before her birthday however, I fell asleep and could not wish her a happy birthday at 12:00 a.m. Ths upset her that morning. She had also told me to meet her at the school because she wanted to get the gift there, not at her house. I remembered to go to the school as my dad drove up to her house, so I got out of the car and walked to her car and gave her the gift. While she was in the garage, she threw the gift bag out of the car. I promptly picked it up and took it to her kitchen table and lef it there. Now we had been getting into a lot of fights around that time, and my crying happened much more frequently, but I wasn’t prepared for what I did that morning. As I went to school fearing that she would end our relationship because of how bad things were getting and how I had messed up her birthday, I began to ask her why she wouldn’t talk to me. She chose to ignore me and I assumed that she hated me. So that morning, ON HER BIRTHDAY T^T, I told her that the next day, I was going to break up with her. I only told her this to see how she would react. I thought she would have agreed with me, I’m irrational when I get scared emotionally, but instead she ran away crying. I quickly ran to her and grabbed her while she cried on my chest. I then explained that I didn’t mean it and that I was so sorry. She told me she hated me and that I ruined her birthday. The day after her birthday was a competition at our school for the math club and I decided to meet her somewhere to talk. I made up with her and we decided to continue with our crazy relationship. So last night while I was out with A and M, she texted me telling me that she went through my youtube history. I was caught red handed with more porn like videos. I instantly freaked out. I tried blaming her, and then I even blamed my brother and I had to call him so he would know what to say when she texted him. I was so scared I didn’t know what to do. Eventually she found even more of it and I decided to come clean. Ladies and gentlemen she hates me so much I can’t even begin to describe it. I went against the same promise. I then admitted to her that I never stopped watching porn. To her that’s the same thing as cheating and I knew that. I am such a fucking idiot and I hate myself. She even found some H stuff and she says that I’m disgusting and that I’m gonna die alone. I was so sad and scared I didn’t know what to do. She told me to meet her at school this morning and there she handed me a box full of eveything I ever gave her. I wanted to run into traffic on the spot. I didn’t know what to think. Honestly I didn’t feel anything. I just felt like giving up on the relationship. She did not stop crying from the moment she first saw my history to the moment she fell asleep. I hate myself so much and I’ve been trying to end it because I just feel like she deserves better than me but GOD DAMMIT I LOVE HER SO MUCH. I've been such a douche this whole relationship and I just want things to go back to normal. She even turned M and A away from me so now I have nobody to talk to. Any and all advice is appreciated for how I can get her back. |
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| Wezh Kazama | Nov 28 2013, 02:58 AM Post #2 |
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Ouch, sorry to hear all that. Well, I think the big thing is truth and honesty in all relationships. The primary bump in this seems to be the porn. At least, that's what it sounds like to me. I'm not sure what your other fights were about, but if you two were fighting as frequently as it sounds, perhaps it's for the best. Yet I understand being in love with someone who isn't exactly the best for you. Better than anyone should probably >.< anyways, it sounds almost like you're addicted to porn? I think it's a little much of her to outright tell you to stop something completely. It'd be like her telling you to just outright stop communicating with a friend. And yet, it's not. Because I also understand why she doesn't appreciate you watching/looking at porn. It sounds like see views it as she's not enough for you. You can't handle having only her for your sexual urges, or you don't find her attractive, or you just don't think of her in that way, or something along those lines. It could also be that she thinks porn is vile, gross, and something that only the dregs of humanity partakes in. In either case, I think you should try talking to her about it. Not just the porn but your relationship in general. If you two don't get back together, then you at least need closure. I'd suggest thinking about things from her point of view, and really analyzing the things you fought over and whether or not things were /really/ a good relationship and not toxic. Perhaps then you should ask her to talk about it. If she turned two of your close friends against you too, she either is making you out to be a monster, or you may be over hyping how good you were. I realize this may sound a little harsh, I'm sorry. I'm trying to say what I think is best or what I think. I may be wrong too, I don't know everything, and I certainly don't know either of you that well. I'm truly sorry this has happened to you. Heart break is never easy. If you need someone to talk to though, feel free to PM. I'll check the site more constantly to make sure you're doing okay. The best thing for me was to bury myself in hobbies, games, work, school, and other things. The busier I was, the less I could think about it. Once again, I'm very sorry. |
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| xd001 | Nov 28 2013, 09:23 AM Post #3 |
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spriter!!!!!!
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Thanks Wezh. I guess over the last two days its hit me that I am in fact addicted to it. I'm obviously going to stop now because I want to get her back. I don't know why this fight has made me stop caring about the relationship however. I just feel like if it didn't work out I would be okay unlike all the other fights. She explained to me yesterday that the reason she was becoming so jealous and crazy was because she correctly thought that I was still doing it and was making sure I'd stop. I just feel disgusting and I feel like she shouldn't want me back even though both M and A feel like she wants me back. But I need to change. What can I do to make sure that I don't continue watching this stuff? |
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| Kerle | Nov 28 2013, 09:47 AM Post #4 |
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Funny. Yeah...
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This might be a cultural thing or something but I can't get my head around on how your SO can get upset at you, if you can't afford to buy a present. Not trying to offend anyone but I think it is quite silly. Anyway, I'll advice you to think this through extremely well. You do not want to rush anything, you will regret it. Also, ask yourself this: did she change during your relationship? Or were you the only one who had to change? I don't want to sound like an asshole (though I am one), but do you think a relationship will work if there aren't any compromises? And to stop watching porn? Just stop it. If you think it's too difficult to just stop it, lessen it first. To stop addiction you reduce the amount little by little, until you feel comfortable to stop compleatly. |
![]() ![]() Credit goes to Stacy え~りん! え~りん! | |
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| Wezh Kazama | Nov 28 2013, 01:44 PM Post #5 |
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Kerle has a point. The gift thing is kind of bullshit. At least to me, I live in the states, I'm not sure where you are from. She shouldn't get mad at you for not being able to afford gifts, instead she should praise the high heavens that you do when you can. I don't mean to say she has to worship you or anything, it just sounds like she's a pessimistic thinker, and that can really make a relationship tough. Though to prevent jealousy you really need to be honest and truthful. I don't want to focus on the past as you can't change that, so I'd try telling her the truth around the porn thing. Tell what the truth, be honest, if you're serious about trying to lessen or completely quit your addiction, then let her know. She should want to help and be supportive, not cast you out for it. @edit These are my opinions. I don't mean anyone has to do anything, but to me if she cares about you, she'd help you, not shun you. However, her getting upset that you lied to her about something as serious as a possible addiction is pretty reasonable. Edited by Wezh Kazama, Nov 28 2013, 01:47 PM.
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| UberPrinny | Nov 28 2013, 05:20 PM Post #6 |
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let me tell you what i think... this porn "addiction" sound a bit exaggerated if you ask me, i dont think it is a addiction at all... what you could do is sincerely ask her to help you with that "addiction", if she cares enough for you two to continue... also i think this "you will die alone" thing sound really mean and unnecessary... from what i read here you actualy seem like a pretty normal guy while she flips around about every little thing you do or dont do... and she turning your friend against you, not so nice of her... so i agree with Kerle here about the compromise thing... oh, and stop with the unnecessary promises... but thats like my opinion... |
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| Kerle | Nov 29 2013, 09:11 AM Post #7 |
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Funny. Yeah...
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Oh and one more thing. First love will not be your only love. |
![]() ![]() Credit goes to Stacy え~りん! え~りん! | |
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| lucci85 | Nov 29 2013, 02:19 PM Post #8 |
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Mr. OverKill
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After my first traumatic love experience (gotta say that) I found another girl who became my best friend after 4 months of relationship, and we still are. Just to say that the FIRST gf is just the beginning of a really cool life. Keep up with your life and don't search girls, they'll come to you. |
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| Wezh Kazama | Nov 30 2013, 01:45 AM Post #9 |
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Or dudes. Who knows. I'm not sure how old you are, but if you're relatively young you may not know yourself completely yet. Boys, girls, whatever. We're all people. It ain't nothun' but a G-thang. |
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| Chris96 | Nov 30 2013, 07:48 AM Post #10 |
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I didn't read the other comment but your REAL problem is you didn't keep your promise. I had been relationship once. I made a promise to my ex and I broke it. It make her cry and it make my heart broke. So one sentence. KEEP YOUR WORD AND DON'T BREAK YOUR OWN PROMISE TO SOMEONE. |
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| xd001 | Dec 1 2013, 10:43 PM Post #11 |
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spriter!!!!!!
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So yeah we're kinda back together, and I've gone like 5 days without porn. I've basically tried cutting it cold turkey. The nice thing about this time is that we've decided to continue our relationship in secret and the only ones who know are our parents. We decided this because our reputation as a couple kinda sucks butt now so now nobody will get involved. I'm keeping true to my promises and I know she's my first love but as of right now i'm totally cool with her being my only love. As for A and M, I haven't really seen them yet so i don't know how they'll react to me. I'm also gonna start putting up christmas decorations around my neighborhood for money and selling candy so I can buy my bro a PS4 and V a nice gift for Christmas, wish me luck on that. |
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| madgamer92 | Dec 1 2013, 11:26 PM Post #12 |
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this is good news, im sorry i couldnt give you an advice about this. but let me talk about your friends, are A and M guys? because if they're, i wouldnt talk to them anymore if i were you, they left you at a time you needed them most, thats the most cowardly thing a friend would do, its a good thing that they showed thier true colors in this light situation, instead of a really fucked up one, it gave you a chance to remove them from your life without hating them. im sure you'll meet other good friends who will be there for you to help you and to correct your mistakes, and for you to help them and correct thiers. im telling you this because friendship is a sacred thing in my country and religion. and good luck with your work (man i really want a PS4 too!) :) |
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| Wezh Kazama | Dec 5 2013, 11:52 AM Post #13 |
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Glad to hear it man! That's great news :) I hope things go a lot better this time around. |
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| xd001 | Sep 18 2016, 12:02 PM Post #14 |
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spriter!!!!!!
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HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA! Man, reading this during my third year in college is quite the trip down memory lane. Hey if anybody wants an update, I'd be more than happy to give one! Basically, our relationship turned abusive on both ends. Looking back, it was kind of doomed from the start. I broke up with her April of 2015 after a year and 3 quarters of dating. She kind of became a very bitter and resentful person and she is now currently re entering my life somehow. I get extremely nervous every time I see her, but I still try to be mature about the whole thing. |
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