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The Daily Maple; Plantoidia's #1 Newspaper
Topic Started: Apr 21 2011, 02:54 AM (824 Views)
Plantoidia
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Kawaii Desu
4/21/11

Headline News: The war between the Swapans and the Plantoidians has finally ended. Plantoidia is now an independent nation!

This conflict started 18 years ago, when Plantoidia was under the oppressive rule of Swapa. We just simply had enough, and a military coup was formed to assassinate the Swapan queen. The coup failed, and then the Swapans officially declared war on the Plantoidian people. Battle after battle was held, and bombs were heard every day and every night. The winning battle that gained Plantoidia the upper hand was the Battle of Oakton and Mapleina; where a simple technical difficulty cost the Swapans a hefty load. The Plantoidians eventually defeated the Swapans and a peace treaty was signed on 4/20/11, indicating that Plantoidia was to become an independent nation.

To pay for the war debt, Plantoidia doubled its trade tariffs to all trading nations and requested foreign aid from them. A Parliament is being established soon, but they will have to act quickly, for Plantoidia needs a governing authority. As for Swapa, they're still oppressive to their satellite states, but we shall not fight them no more for we have renounced our militaristic ways to a more peaceful way of doing things.
In English: Greetings from the utterly woodsy nation of Plantoidia! Peace & friendship to all!
En Français: Salutations de la nation tout à fait boisé de Plantoidia! Paix et amitié à tous!

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Almonaster
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Homophonophile
Minister
As Bob might say "Whooooo, peace!"

This is very welcome news, but could your correspondent please give us a little background on the conflict? How did it arise, and what were the terms of the settlement? What are Plantoida's plans for recovery? What's happened to Swapa?
It is very hard to find properly cited quotes on the internet.
~Abraham Lincoln

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I'm in ur detailz likin' ur sinz. :evil:
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Plantoidia
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Kawaii Desu
Almonaster,Apr 21 2011
07:49 AM
As Bob might say "Whooooo, peace!"

This is very welcome news, but could your correspondent please give us a little background on the conflict? How did it arise, and what were the terms of the settlement? What are Plantoida's plans for recovery? What's happened to Swapa?

We shall do so right away! Now read the 1st post once more! Details have been added!
In English: Greetings from the utterly woodsy nation of Plantoidia! Peace & friendship to all!
En Français: Salutations de la nation tout à fait boisé de Plantoidia! Paix et amitié à tous!

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davislyvania
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You! Yes...YOU....
What provisions are being made to ensure Swapa doesn't try to absorb you again? Unless they've been knocked into oblivion by 18 years of war, they seem the type to make a move in a few more years.
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Plantoidia
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Kawaii Desu
davislyvania,Apr 21 2011
10:18 PM
What provisions are being made to ensure Swapa doesn't try to absorb you again? Unless they've been knocked into oblivion by 18 years of war, they seem the type to make a move in a few more years.

Don't worry; they have been condemned by the international community and are constantly spied on by even more powerful nations. We don't have to worry a thing about them anymore. Besides, we didn't fight the war by ourselves you know! :lol:
In English: Greetings from the utterly woodsy nation of Plantoidia! Peace & friendship to all!
En Français: Salutations de la nation tout à fait boisé de Plantoidia! Paix et amitié à tous!

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Plantoidia
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Kawaii Desu
4/22/11

Headline News: Plantoidia can't decide on Parliament!

World-class politicians from across Plantoidia gathered together at the 1st Annual Parliamentary Conference in the capital, Plantoris, today. These old-timers were discussing issues concerning Parliament. Many were arguing about electing the right kind of people to Parliament, while others were ranting on how their political party was the right choice for Plantoidia.

"Many Plantoidian citizens are too 'confused' about how voting works anymore," exclaims Marcus Yalow, representative for the Canadian Fat Whale Party, "and since our party completely represents the people's views, why not let them vote for us?"

"Oh, what a load of bullhonkey!" exclaims Patricia Stevens, representative for the Canadian Sovereignty Party. "We have just came out of a stifling war against a major nation! What we need right now is a voice that stands for the sovereignty of our nation as a whole, so why not vote for us?"

Many rants like these continued on and on for hours until steel chairs got involved and a few politicians were unfortunately arrested. So, who will the people choose? Do they even have the brains to vote for the better party? Only the elections will tell the verdict starting tomorrow.
In English: Greetings from the utterly woodsy nation of Plantoidia! Peace & friendship to all!
En Français: Salutations de la nation tout à fait boisé de Plantoidia! Paix et amitié à tous!

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Plantoidia
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Kawaii Desu
4/23/11

Headline News: Parliamentary Elections: Days 1, 2, and 3

The elections have started in Plantoidia! This is a momentous occasion after 18 years of endless war. The candidates include: Marcus Yalow of the Canadian Fat Whale Party and Patricia Stevens of the Canadian Sovereignty Party. There is also a vote on the ballots that have 'None of the Above' as a choice, in case the voters are too stupid to vote for any of the candidates. There is a high probability that 80% of the population shall choose 'None of the Above' then the other candidates. There is an increasing problem with bad voters across Plantoidia. Will someone do something about this, or are we going to keep having reelections until the end of time? Only Hope can win over this round of bad voters. There will not be any news for the next 3 days.
In English: Greetings from the utterly woodsy nation of Plantoidia! Peace & friendship to all!
En Français: Salutations de la nation tout à fait boisé de Plantoidia! Paix et amitié à tous!

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davislyvania
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You! Yes...YOU....
Solution: standardized IQ tests before high school graduation. Then, limit the voter list to those who surpass 100. Or higher, if you want a sensible regime like mine. For the rest, there's Oprah.
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Plantoidia
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Kawaii Desu
davislyvania,Apr 27 2011
10:23 PM
Solution: standardized IQ tests before high school graduation. Then, limit the voter list to those who surpass 100. Or higher, if you want a sensible regime like mine. For the rest, there's Oprah.

Good idea davislyvania, I'll make up a news article about it soon!
In English: Greetings from the utterly woodsy nation of Plantoidia! Peace & friendship to all!
En Français: Salutations de la nation tout à fait boisé de Plantoidia! Paix et amitié à tous!

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Plantoidia
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Kawaii Desu
4/28/11

Headline News: Election Results; News Station Held Hostage!

First, the election results; it seems that only a very smart group of individuals actually voted for a party for the last 3 days. The dumber voters must've been too lazy to care about voting. So, the votes have been tallied and it now looks like that the Canadian Fat Whale Party heads the Parliament, with Marcus Yalow as our new prime minister! Hail Plantoidia!

Second, this news station held hostage; the reason why there was no news article on 4/27/11 was that this news station was being held hostage by a small Swapan resistance force that call themselves 'The Swapan Oppressionist Fighters'. While police had surrounded the station, the resistance force's head member, Frank Jaundice, had pulled out an AK-47 and took the Editor-in-Chief, Samuel Roland, by gunpoint to a nearby meat market and ordered the police to settle negotiations. Their demands were: (1) to stop governing the land, and (2) to become a territory of Swapa once more. One mistake that they did fail to recognize was that the meat market had many building flaws and an anti-terrorism group known only as the 'Plantoidia Liberation Squad' breached the compound and overpowered the terrorists. Two of the resistance force's members died in the gunfire, and 2 others were injured. The 5 remaining members involved in the hostage takeover were immediately arrested, and our Editor-in-Chief was safe once more. Now, the 'The Swapan Oppressionist Fighters' are a much bigger society than once originally thought. There are plenty of suspected Swapans living in Plantoidia that might be a member of this terrorist group. We all just need to keep our eyes closer on these suspected members until sufficient evidence is found about them and immediately arrested. After all, 18 years of war has made Plantoidia go under a 'No Terrorism Policy' and they strictly enforce it; it's now up to the common man to help the cause for the glory of our new nation!
In English: Greetings from the utterly woodsy nation of Plantoidia! Peace & friendship to all!
En Français: Salutations de la nation tout à fait boisé de Plantoidia! Paix et amitié à tous!

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Plantoidia
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Kawaii Desu
4/29/11

<INTERMISSION>
In English: Greetings from the utterly woodsy nation of Plantoidia! Peace & friendship to all!
En Français: Salutations de la nation tout à fait boisé de Plantoidia! Paix et amitié à tous!

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Plantoidia
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Kawaii Desu
4/30/11

Headline News: Too many citizens dumb; education overhaul underway!

Due to the advice of fellow neighboring nations, new harder tests will be administered to all registered voters in accordance with new laws administered by the new Parliament of Plantoidia. The rising rate of redneck idiots is alarming, as quoted by the Parliament. All in all, many of the more influential members agree with this legislation, and it will most likely pass as a new law within the hour.
In English: Greetings from the utterly woodsy nation of Plantoidia! Peace & friendship to all!
En Français: Salutations de la nation tout à fait boisé de Plantoidia! Paix et amitié à tous!

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Plantoidia
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Kawaii Desu
5/1/11

Headline News: New Whaling Laws Under Way!

Since the new Parliament is under the control of the Canadian Fat Whale Party, there have been new regulations to how we deal with fishing and trawling issues in our coasts. Since whales are abundant in these waters, whaling is now considered a legal law and is mandated by the Parliament for all fishermen to have a whaling license at all times. New whaling licenses are now greatly reduced to aid this new industry skyrocket in sales. After all, whales are essential to many everyday products we use, and they're pretty tasty too!
In English: Greetings from the utterly woodsy nation of Plantoidia! Peace & friendship to all!
En Français: Salutations de la nation tout à fait boisé de Plantoidia! Paix et amitié à tous!

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Plantoidia
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Kawaii Desu
5/2/11

<INTERMISSION>
In English: Greetings from the utterly woodsy nation of Plantoidia! Peace & friendship to all!
En Français: Salutations de la nation tout à fait boisé de Plantoidia! Paix et amitié à tous!

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Plantoidia
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Kawaii Desu
5/3/11

Headline News: The Gay Scourge?

Local citizens of the 'LGBT' community protested in front of the Capitol Building today demanding equal rights as stated in the Plantoidian Constitution. "We want our equal rights now!" stated local homosexual Mark Duncan. "We've been suppressed long enough. If people get uncomfortable about me kissing my boyfriend in public, then let them! It should be a hate crime like everything else that is!"

"We should not give them any rights," proclaims a bystander, "because they're disgusting things and will be condemned to Hell for all their sins. The Parliament should get rid of them, once and for all."

After hearing this statement, Stacy Duvall, a member of Parliament, objects to this notion. "These redneck scumbags don't have a say in politics for many a reason. (1) They're not qualified to vote, (2) they're not a member of Parliament, and (3) they're dumb! We should let the LGBT community gain all the rights and privileges of straight couples, including same-sex marriage. If anyone dares to question our motives, it might as well be a hate crime. Besides, this has happened to Swapa before, so why would we want to be like them?"

This might be a hard-fought battle on both sides of the political spectrum in the future, and if these laws do take in effect, the Plantoidian government might as well bring in some new tolerance laws as well. Will the Parliament pass this legislation? Will homosexuals finally be able to exercise their rights? Will the religious rednecks get their way instead? Only the Parliament and our Prime Minister can truly represent the all-encompassing voice of Plantoidia.
In English: Greetings from the utterly woodsy nation of Plantoidia! Peace & friendship to all!
En Français: Salutations de la nation tout à fait boisé de Plantoidia! Paix et amitié à tous!

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Plantoidia
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Kawaii Desu
5/4/11

Headline News: Nation Feeling Down...

The nation has contracted a laziness virus, today. It's affecting everyone like the Parliament and even our Prime Minister. The police aren't doing there job so well and the criminals aren't doing a good job at crimes either. All media sources have been cancelled today, including this newspaper. It seems we're too tired to write more articles for the day.
In English: Greetings from the utterly woodsy nation of Plantoidia! Peace & friendship to all!
En Français: Salutations de la nation tout à fait boisé de Plantoidia! Paix et amitié à tous!

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Plantoidia
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Kawaii Desu
5/5/11

<INTERMISSION>
In English: Greetings from the utterly woodsy nation of Plantoidia! Peace & friendship to all!
En Français: Salutations de la nation tout à fait boisé de Plantoidia! Paix et amitié à tous!

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Plantoidia
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Kawaii Desu
5/6/11

Headline News: LIES!!! DAMN LIES!!!

Prime Minister Marcus Yalow came out today saying that he's had many prostitutes visit the Parliament Building for some "special tours"... and the citizens are not too happy about it. The Parliament wasn't too happy about it either, and when he was in his podium making his speech, many members of Parliament threw rotten tomatoes at him. It was interesting that none of his security personnel were reacting to this. Were they disliking him to? Who knows what goes on in they're minds anyway. From this day forth, Marcus Yalow will forever be known as the 'Perverted PM'!
In English: Greetings from the utterly woodsy nation of Plantoidia! Peace & friendship to all!
En Français: Salutations de la nation tout à fait boisé de Plantoidia! Paix et amitié à tous!

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Plantoidia
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Kawaii Desu
5/7/11

Headline News: Swapa Getting Too Touchy

Diplomats from our former protectorate of Swapa came by today to visit Prime Minister Marcus Yalow. They sat down to discuss peace talks with both their nation's, how each of their leaders are going, how both governments are doing, and how to deal with 'The Swapan Oppressionist Fighters'. The diplomats stated that in order for a full peace treaty be signed, 1/4 of Plantoidia should be given back to Swapa. Of course Prime Minister Yalow objected to this travesty and stated that any forced annexation of any of their land as stated by the Constitution would be considered a full act of war. Swapan diplomats were shocked at this revelry and left immediately.

The prime minister got a call 3 hours later from the queen of Swapa stating that if Plantoidia does not give up 1/4 of its land over to Swapa, the peace treaty signed at the end of their 18 year war would be deemed null and void and should expect an attack on their Parliament. Yalow immediately stated that Paradisia, a long-time ally who helped in our war, was watching their governments every move, and they would gladly defend our nation from the Swapan menace. The queen hanged up quickly. We suspect that Swapa might attack again after this threat, but until then Swapa remains a mild threat to Plantoidia, thanks to the aid of our great ally Paradisia.
In English: Greetings from the utterly woodsy nation of Plantoidia! Peace & friendship to all!
En Français: Salutations de la nation tout à fait boisé de Plantoidia! Paix et amitié à tous!

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Plantoidia
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Kawaii Desu
5/8/11

NO NEWS TODAY; ON HOLIDAY

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!!
In English: Greetings from the utterly woodsy nation of Plantoidia! Peace & friendship to all!
En Français: Salutations de la nation tout à fait boisé de Plantoidia! Paix et amitié à tous!

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