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Date: January 16th, 2013
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It is now: Year 7 - Day 4 - Free Period

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The World of Jules; The thoughts behind the sparkles. My view on the world around me...
Topic Started: Jan 25 2010, 10:04:08 AM (236 Views)
Juliet Rhodes
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Sixth Year & Gryffindor Seeker

Welcome to the musing's of the Queen of Heartsa.k.a The incredibly addictive, interesting and just downright awesome world of I, Juliet Sira Rhodes

Dear Reader,


Date: 26th December 2012
Current Favorite Color: Pink
Location: Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry



Hello, my name is Juliet Sira Rhodes. Yes that Juliet Rhodes. The Gryffindor party princess. The wannabe snake girl. The Drama Queen of Hogwarts. Call me what you want they all represent one thing. Me. The curly haired, athletic, tanned, flirty fifteen year old girl who runs off of hormones instead of brain cells. Well according to my cousin Noah I do. Which now I think about it, is quite true. Wait, I just thought. TAKE THAT NOAH! Oh, of course I am never letting my family near this. Never mind.

I am told to be a lot of things. Some call me a try hard who is, selfish, underminding, fake and wont stop until I get what I want. No I don't believe that. Some call me the perfect doll who just stands there, the typical girl that is often spotted in Muggle movies. I don't believe that either. Over the years I learnt not to believe what people say. I am use to the taunts, the hexes the attempts to break my emotional skin. Sure it bruises. I hurt, I cry, I hate, I feel like everyone else. I have just learnt to keep it away from everyone else. So my perfection is skin deep. I'd be the first to admit I am far from perfect underneath.

I love to know your secrets. It's like a habit. I see you lying or hiding something. I have to know what it is. It's like an inner need. I don't care about ruining reputations. I sit back and let you do it yourself for all I care. If I use to energy to try and destroy someone well that would defeat the purpose of appearing uncaring. To bother to do it in the first place takes away the need. You know what I mean. I just like to know what influences people. I don't care if you snogged him whilst dating him. I just want to know who, what, when, where and my personal favorite, why? I don't need your tears of regret. Save them for someone else. Something drew you to doing the deed in the first place which means you shouldn't regret the action. That's my opinion anyway.

I don't care for blood purities. I am half-blood and proud of it. Well, technically three-quarter blood. My mother is pureblood and my father half-blood. There. End of story. Move on. I don't care whether you call me a dirty half-blood. But the second you turn your insults on my friends, I will send you to next week and back with one glare and than ask what the weather will be like on the weekend. Don't say you weren't warned.

On the love life front of my life you could say I am well, experienced. Yeah that sounds appropriate. Much nicer sounding than what a majority of the female (and some of the male) population of Hogwarts call me. But there couldn't be fans without ones who are jealous, right? Before you answer that was rhetorical.
Usually I go for the unattainable. Bad but definitely tasty. This usually leads to disaster yet I can't help myself. My father says it's the Black family genes coming out but I don't see it. Aren't the Black's like all related to each other? Anyway, this was usually what I was known for until I met John Holland.
It was at the ball that I first saw him. In under a minute he somehow managed to trip over his own robes and spill butterbeer on himself. As I look back on it, it was quite adorable. At the time I was in the middle of a very frustrating conversation with Nicole Flannings, a.k.a the Dragon.
I was soon dragged away from John when the whole drama and horrible attacking of June Brooks happened. Once I got back to the common room I began to cry. Pathetic, I know. And that was when John caught my attention. Most guys would probably freak out when a girl, let alone a girl like me, would turn on the waterworks. But John didn't. He stayed and comforted me. Soon enough we were snogging and I don't really know how it happened. (Well I know how it happened but, oh nevermind!)

A lot of people don't know me that well. Underneath my tan skin and silver eyes, underneath the sparkles, there is a part of me that is a vulnerable as everyone else. But what sets me from other people are what those vulnerabilities are. Most people worry about their appearances, or that no one will love them. I know I am beautiful and I know that I have friends.
But what I don't know is whether I could be loyal to them when the time comes. When this war that's brewing hits the stone walls of Hogwarts. It's not that I am afraid to die, its which side I will be on when it's needed most. I know a few people call me a traitor to Gryffindor behind my back and sometimes to my face. The scariest thing is that their right. I wanted to be in Slytherin. The only reason that I ended up in Gryffindor was that I demanded to hat to put me in Slytherin and we had a little mind fight. (I don't think the hat likes being told what to do.)

Admit it. Your addicted. Who can blame you? My world is definately not dull.

You just gotta know me,

Juliet Rhodes
xo






Edited by Juliet Rhodes, Jan 25 2010, 12:55:28 PM.
PLOT WITH JULIET === MY TUMBLR
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Juliet Rhodes
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Sixth Year & Gryffindor Seeker

You can say you're sorry
But I don't believe you baby
Like I did before
You're Not Sorry
Your Not Sorry - Taylor Swift

Dear Reader,


Current Favorite Color: White
Location: Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry


Everyday someone apologizes for a misdeed. It makes me wonder whether the whole concept is overused. It is right to class the same act on a scale from 'Sorry I can't come today," to "Sorry I stabbed you in the back?" I don't think so. Yet I accept every apology I get offered. It's pathetic I know. I try to see the best in people even when they are holding a wand at my heart. It doesn't mean I don't dislike or mistrust people. I do so regularly, but when you're my friend, it takes a lot to not be one anymore. But what Paton did at the ball wasn't probably too bad in most people's eyes. But in a way it made me see what blinded me before. Would he happily pawn me off if I didn't have popularity or confidence or beauty? Am a merely a stepping stone on his ladder? I hate that I ponder this that much. It's not like Paton and I are close. But I always felt a connection between us. He is like a male version of me. This makes me wonder whether I would do the same thing in his place. I'd like to think not but I guess you can never know. Maybe that's why I forgave him so easily.

Anyway, all this thought on apologies made me think of my brother. Will is engaged to this fabulous woman who he nearly lost and needed to apologize to. He never told me exactly what he did to cause such a strong reaction but all I remember is him coming up to me and asking, "How do I apologize?"
Me, using my undeveloped thirteen year old mind came up with an elaborate dinner scheme to help Will make things right. They got back together but I remember the words that Madeline said to me like it was only yesterday, "All of the fancy stuff was nice but all I really needed to hear was that he was sorry." So maybe it doesn't matter what scale of wrong someone has done. Just the words make it feel a little better. But what happens when sorry isn't enough? And when is it not enough? Is there a limit? A line that labels when you go too far? If so, than can you see this line or is it different for everyone? A lot of people tell me that they wish they can change something they have done. As I said in my last entry I don't care for that thought. So maybe the whole meaning of forgiveness is just trying to move on in the best way we can. And maybe it's gestures or words that equal this or maybe it's simply time. Either way, when you have the answer can you please tell me?

Jealousy. This one word has been floating in my mind recently. Not really happening to me but for people around me. It's such a passionate emotion yet so underrated. Not one romance novel is known to not feature it somewhere in its pages. But I don't class jealousy as only a romantic emotion. It can happen between friends.
The reason I ponder this is how much jealousy I have witnessed recently. Jack was probably jealous that Dave when he came to the ball with Trina who he obviously liked which in turn made Ginny jealous. Than Precious winds in by being jealous of Ginny having Dave's attention at breakfast which would probably make Oscar jealous because there is something between him and Precious. Yikes that is a little confusing. Anyway it was something like that in my opinion.
I didn't mean to hug Paton in front of John. I didn't mean to flirt a little with Dave in front of him either. That's just my way. I told him that yet it doesn't stop the feeling. I'll probably feel the same if I see a girl with him. Than why is it so hard to understand? I feel bad but I can't change who I am. So if John doesn't want jealousy than maybe we won't work. Because jealousy equals drama and drama equals me. It's just the way I am.

But why is it so easy to apologize to Paton when it feels so wrong to do so for John? Each did an equally bad deed. So why am I unable to fix things with John?

Still wondering,

Juliet Rhodes
xo


Edited by Juliet Rhodes, Mar 24 2010, 12:11:36 AM.
PLOT WITH JULIET === MY TUMBLR
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Juliet Rhodes
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Sixth Year & Gryffindor Seeker

I die each time you look away
My heart, my life, will never be the same
This love will take my everything
One breath, one touch, will be the end of me
Love Song Reqiuem: Trading Yesterday

Dear Reader,


Date: 26th December 2012
Current Favorite Color: Blue


There. John and I are over. I am single again. Back to the normal world of Juliet Rhodes. Than why does it hurt so much? I feel broken. Alone. Momentarily, John saw into my soul, everything I am and was. And than he threw it back at me. I don't know if I can even describe the feeling. Just empty. Nothing else could hurt more than this.
I feel like an idiot. I let myself be open to someone and it wrecked me. Made me weak. Since when I have been the blubbering girl that needed my mates to stand up for me? Since John Holland. All my faults seem to go back to meeting him. Yet I can't hate him. Far from it. He was everything right and still is. I need to let him go but yet I want to feel numb. Without him I do. Than why does it hurt? Why can't I make sense?

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like not to feel. But maybe the point of feelings are to be at both ends of spectrum at once. Love can make you feel as though you were floating on a cloud than bring you out into the gutter in a moment. Even now if someone was to ask me if it was worth all of it, the pain, the numbness, the tears, I would still say yes. Because in that brief moment that John saw me for what I was deep down, I felt perfect and nothing can take that moment, that memory away from me.

So I wonder what will happen next. Can John and I be friends after everything? At the end of a relationship some say, let's be friends and in that moment it seems possible. But than you wake up and realize it is a blissful daydream. But I know John and I can't be friends but I have to try. Because even if I can't be with him, I really want a little part of him to treasure. Even if I have to watch him snog someone else. Even if the thought makes my heart break into a million pieces.


Still broken,

Juliet Rhodes




PLOT WITH JULIET === MY TUMBLR
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Juliet Rhodes
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Sixth Year & Gryffindor Seeker

You and I have something different
And I'm enjoying it cautiously
I'm battle scarred, I am working oh so hard
To get back to who I used to be
Near To You: A Fine Frenzy

Dear Reader,


Date: 14th February 2013
Current Favorite Color: Violet


So today is Valentine's Day. Otherwise known as ‘when couples can snog and be adorable without feeling guilty day'. A solid 24 hours that are set aside once a year for people to be brave and tell someone they like them, be a good boyfriend/girlfriend, basically an all out love fest. Everyone who knows me knows that I love Valentine's Day. But this year something feels different. Ever since my less than pleasant break-up with John, I have been surprisingly single. That will be no more. Today I am going to ask a guy out, and I am not going to feel even a pinch of guilt. I deserve to be happy right?

But who should be my Valentine? It's usually not hard for me to decide, I just give some extra attention to whoever I would be dating at the time. But post-John me is a little more sensitive. No, the guy who will be my Valentine has to be potential boyfriend material. But he also has to be attractive. Cue Joel Reese.

Smart talking, charming, and undeniably delightful at flirting, he is everything I need. Hot, Willing and Slytherin. When we kissed it was everything opposite to what John and I had. Fast, sparks instead of so innocent and almost fireworks flipping my heart. Joel Reese. John Holland. Two polar opposites. But I don't want Joel to be a rebound. Is it because I don't want a rebound? Because I still want what I am clinging onto with John? God, this whole mess is screwing with my mind. I swear I'll hit menopause early at this rate. And that's a bad thing with the way my mother rants on. Well when she's home anyway.

So why did it hurt so much to see John with that snake Sawyer? I was jealous yet I had a really amazing guy sitting right opposite me. But I can never explain John's effect on me. He's the first person to get into my heart, my head. I really want to know how. Was it in-between the smiles, the laughs or the comfort, the companionship? If I knew how than maybe I could reverse it. Be the old Juliet again. But somehow the old Juliet seems long gone. How can you lose yourself without even knowing? And is Joel the cure? Or will weighing two guys just be too much?

I really hope Joel is the one who will reverse John's effect. But another part of me doesn't want him to be. And it's not because Joel is the opposite of John. It's because he isn't John. I need a stress ball. Damn teenage angst.



Still needs a stress ball,

Juliet Rhodes



Edited by Juliet Rhodes, Mar 24 2010, 12:14:45 AM.
PLOT WITH JULIET === MY TUMBLR
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John Holland
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Sixth Year

In the top corner of the last page, a not was written, no more then seven words.

"I love you, always and forever

JH"
Edited by John Holland, Mar 26 2010, 12:44:23 AM.
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Thanks to Jesse for the sig.

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1. John's Family Tree
2. Plotting with John
3. John's Profile
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Juliet Rhodes
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Sixth Year & Gryffindor Seeker

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else can speak the words on your lips
Unwritten: Natasha Bedingfield

Dear Reader,


Date: April 2012
Current Favorite Color: Aqua
Location: Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry


Today is basically the day I decide what I want to focus on as a career. Problem is, I don't know what I want to do. Sure in the past when I've been asked I've answered with a vague word that sounded like a cross between ‘Qudditch' and ‘modeling'. But either don't really sound like suitable things to discuss with Bannister. I'm so doomed. I have no direction and my grades aren't really that excellent. But that's one whole other different stress.

As usual what is on the forefront of my mind is John. Yeah I sound like broken muggle record, but hey, the guy does tend to give me another reason to change whatever current emotion I feel toward him. I know he read my diary. I'm not sure whether I should be mad or not.

Ready for tomorrow,

Juliet Rhodes



Edited by Juliet Rhodes, Sep 28 2010, 10:26:16 AM.
PLOT WITH JULIET === MY TUMBLR
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Juliet Rhodes
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Sixth Year & Gryffindor Seeker

I know your type
Boy, you're dangerous
Yeah, you're that guy
I'd be stupid to trust
But just one night couldn't be so wrong
You make me wanna lose control
Good Girls Go Bad – Cobra Starship Ft. Leighton Meester

Dear Reader,


Date: September 1st 2012
Current Favorite Color: Purple
Location: Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry


So now I am a sixth year. Yikes I look back and realize it has been a long time since I last updated. With everything that has happened, I just havent contemplated anything enough to write it down on paper or in this case, my faithful diary. The last time I wrote in you, it had been before the holidays. Now I am back at Hogwarts after a few months break and things are...well action packed in the least.

Turns out, my mother has been cheating on my father for the last nine months and is in the process of getting a divorce. She just sprung it on him shortly before the holidays and he had no idea. And the woman has nerve to want to actually see me after ignoring my existence all these years? And to top it off, John is back. And he stayed with us over the holidays. His little brother is still there. I think it is good for Dad to have some company. It will stop him going insane over everything that has gone down in the last few months.

Things with John have been awkward in the least. I dont know. I just dont want to become the girl I seemed to be when I was with him again. I dont want to screw him over. He deserves more than that. Especially after what he has been through with his parents. I will always have feelings for him, but I just dont know. Am I even that person anymore?

And then comes the next big thing in my life. Okay, not a big thing, but his ego certainly is. Carter freaking Breslin. How to describe him? Oh yes, a self-centered egotistical jerk whose head is bigger than the hole in his ass behind can fit. Its a huge surprise that he managed to shove his freaking head up there in the first place.

We met in the summer at a party that Paton and I crashed. He has just transferred to Hogwarts. He is in Slytherin, which shouldnt come as much of a surprise. He is close to the girl that Jack seems to be interested in. Anyway, so we met in a dark hallway sexy setting right? and guess what? He propositioned me! Okay, so that is not the first time that has happened, and it definitely wont be the last. But we had only met a few moments before! And clearly he expected me to take him up on the offer!

Now I have decided something; I bet many girls before me have been lured into his games, but I swear that I am going to put a stop to them. I am going to make his ego a whole heap smaller. I know what it feels like to be used and abused by a guy and I think that no girl should go through the embarrassment. So that is my goal for this year. Make Carter Breslin look like a fool. It should not be that hard right? He appears to already want to shag me.

Anyway, I need to sleep and I need to talk to Lucy. She seems upset about something. I think I have got some pummeling to do soon.

Sixth time lucky,

Juliet Rhodes



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I can't take one more step toward you
Because all that's waiting is regret
Don't you know I'm not your ghost anymore
You lost the love I loved the most
Jar of Hearts - Christina Perri

Dear Reader,


Date: January 18th 2013
Current Favorite Color: Purple
Location: Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry


War. That was the word I randomly wrote the moment when I was speaking to someone in class. I had no idea my hand was even moving. War is my subconcious. Anger, rage, chaos, swirling like the river Styx. Yes. That was the best way to describe my feelings. It was like conflict was my second nature. Ever since Noah and Paton's death, I felt that everything was oddly off balance. Like something happened that shouldn't have. Maybe it was nothing but my imagination. Ever since the loss of people who I loved, and the development of my 'gift', I've been looking up mythology.

Either way, all the blabbering and my sudden interest in history, that's just the tip of the iceberg. My love life, it's a whole other mess. Carter Breslin is a firecracker as usual. The whole Christmas 'kissing face' thing. Then there's John, who thankfully has given me the ability to finally move on. After his silly little girly fit over Carter and I, that last spark of emotion gone. poof. Thank merlin.

Then there was the events of this morning. Carter and Henry all pissy. What was it with guys around her lately and getting all territorial? It was like, ever since they realized that I wasn't a mental uber bitch. Instead I'm simply mental. So much fun. I think half the world is considering that I'm one step off rolling down one of the moving staircase.

Dad's been ill lately. I think that the toll of the divorce has been getting to him. He's been very withdrawn in the letters and I cannot help but worry about him. Thankfully Will and Penn have been checking on him. Okay either way, I can't write anymore. I'm tired. I wish things were more dull. Sadly, I really don't have room for all the drama in my life.


I wish you could help


Juliet Rhodes



Edited by Juliet Rhodes, Jun 6 2011, 05:24:32 AM.
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