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| Teatime, Interrupted; Gozrik <3 | |
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| Topic Started: Jul 3 2014, 07:06 PM (234 Views) | |
| Kist | Jul 3 2014, 07:06 PM Post #1 |
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Gaudeamus igitur, luvenes dum sumus!
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On the deck of the Alteisein, Captain Gozrik and his first mate, who was also his adoptive daughter, drank tea. Together they sat on two Sotoan couches of mysterious origin, with a table between them, upon which stood a half-full pot of tea and a mostly empty bottle of rum. Really, what they drank was more rum than tea, but at least the tea spiced things up a little and made the whole thing a bit classier than just drinking rum. Kist was stretched out on her couch, her eyes squinting against the sun as she sipped her tea in meditative silence. Her browned arms poked out of loose green shirt, her browned ankles sprouted from loose Ashokan pants that cinched around her calves. Her hair was somewhat brushed for once and her body, as it could be seen through her comfortable clothes, was no longer emaciated. Having a father and a ship to live on had done her well: she often forgot she was supposed to be on the run and she didn't go to sleep hungry any more. Those who had seen Kist before the previous months would have noticed another big change in her: the patches of blue light that swirled about under her tanned skin were so faint as to be nearly unnoticeable, where once they had glowed like beacons. Kist had finally learned to use the magic that the aquatic creature under the City of Oracles had left in her, and once she started using it, she glowed less, she felt much less sick and she didn't have animals following her so much. So, she'd taken to firing off random spells into the sea, which made the magic drain away for a while. She'd done this earlier in the day but the magic was already bubbling back through her body. Kist could feel the discomforts returning slowly, subtly: her heart fluttered lightly in her chest, as if she'd just sprinted across the deck, and her stomach twinged with odd pains and protests. Sea birds had begun to land on the deck of the Alteisen, slowly gravitating towards the beacon of bright magic hosted in her body. Even so, things were a lot better. To think that she'd lived for so long with the symptoms of the Provider's magic tormenting her, to think that she'd run and run for so long without much help from anyone and without any will or way to fight back. But then she'd found Gozrik again, had been very officially adopted by him, and with his explosives she'd managed to blow up the soldiers that had been following her since she had accidentally run off with the Provider's magic. They had not made an appearance since. Life had felt fun again, not terrifying. She felt loved for the first time in a long while, with a pirate father who encouraged her and drank with her and who taught her bawdy songs and creative curse words. On this lazy afternoon, life was so nice that Kist felt sort of bored. She stared out across the ocean, her eyes travelling along noon-struck waves and out to the horizon. To the east she saw some dark shapes: perhaps so ships, or else a fata morgana. She wondered if there was some adventure to be had with these ships if they were real and not an apparition. Perhaps she and Gozrik would plunder them and find something exotic to enjoy: foreign drinks, unusual foods and hopefully no vengeful spirits that would plunge into Kist's breast and ruin her life. Kist turned her teacup in her hands. The Alteisen bumped up against a small wave and she spilled some of the hot drink on her wrist. She cursed vaguely and took a sip, barely even reacting to the strong bite of the rum at her throat. Putting down the cup, her eyes caught on a thick book lying nearby on the deck. There was a seagull perched imperiously upon it. Kist stood up and picked her way through the birds, which mostly shuffled towards her instead of away from her. The seagull didn't react to her attempts to shoo it away, so she picked the bird up and placed it elsewhere so she could pick up the book. She took it to her seat and sprawled out again, holding the title up to the sun. "The Collected Works of Smutpurn," she said aloud. She flipped to a random page and read a strange passage about wizards using their wands in strange ways and in parts of the body that wands did not ordinarily go. Kist read a little bit of this and sort of gave up at the line: "Geriatron shoveth hys beefewande deepere, resytynge the olde speles of merryment and plaisaunce." Reading was too much effort. Her parents had tried to teach her when she was young but she had resisted it, probably because she instinctively knew that most books were as gross as this one. So now she sucked at it. Oh well. Kist tossed the book aside, causing a few birds to startle up to the air, squawking. She stared at the horizon again, noticing that the shapes had come closer. There were three boats, which were slung low and long in the water. They had their sails up to catch whatever slight wind brushed the ocean on this day; Kist certainly didn't feel any. There was a sort of flickering along the sides that Kist guessed might be oars. How interesting, she thought, but she figured that it was some sort of trade operation. After all, the direction from which they were coming was closer to the shore if she remembered correctly. She turned to Gozrik, shading her face with one hand. She peered at him for a moment, trying to think of how to start an interesting conversation. But then she decided that she didn't want to have to talk, so she asked, "Hey, dad, can you tell me a story? Any story, just so long as it's not about beefwands." |
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| Gozrik | Jul 9 2014, 02:46 PM Post #2 |
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"Ah, dearest daughter of mine, be a darling and pass me the daaaaaahjeeling. It is mowst Woonderfell to beveragise to drinkerise with a darhling Dawter like youse on a woonderfell art-er-noon" Gozrik commented in a perfectly normal posh person accent. It stood to reason. Nice Sofa's. Suspicious, as they turned up one day and he was not sure where from, but well, comfy. And he had made such as ass groove on this one as to make him very happy. The tea was nice, but he had shot a guy in the face for that. For his part Gozrik was just in a loose pair of trousers of light blue, because he was just lazing around with his daughter. And family did not need to dress up for each other. Having Kist had made life so... Well, it had always been awesome, but he was amazed how much more complete he felt, at the sense of pride he felt as she became healthier, as she learnt the small ways to work Alty. Also, occasionally sea birds came to her, which combined with a gun and a secret recipe of seventeen herbs and spices he got off some colonel this one time meant food was good! He smiled softly and sipped his daaaaaahjeeling as he watched her read a book. Proud dad. As opposed to dad who denies he even touched her, what are you talking about? There are lots of black skinned dwarf pirates who tattoo "Gozrik was Here" on the ass of girls when he had sex with them. All of them have unique ships as well. So he did not have to do anything. Although his eldest not-daughter was sweet, she made him a hat once. His eldest not son tried to punch him once and them exploded. It was not Gozrik's fault, he did not even know what an explosion was. "Hey, dad, can you tell me a story? Any story, just so long as it's not about beefwands." Gozrik smiled and jumped up, threw a shoe at a box and then grabbed Kist's hands in a ballroom dance pose. Just as the music started "Certainly! But whilst we dance!" he took her through the steps which he made up. "In a grand old land, in a grand, grand time, there lived a man name Rick...." With which he relayed an amazing story about a man who had a weird ring. It turned out it was an evil ring of immense power, and a wizard was going to take him to a evil mountain to destroy it. But then the man smothered the wizard in his sleep and rescued the amazing princess Kim and then they attached the bug people and through an unlikely series of coincidences it turned out that Kim was just like Kist, and she was the Queen of Soare and they all lived happily ever after. There was a robot as well, Rick punched it in the nads and gained its power. "Now, be a dear and help your old man kill all the people on that boat over there" |
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| Kist | Jul 24 2014, 03:15 PM Post #3 |
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Gaudeamus igitur, luvenes dum sumus!
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All at once, Gozrik had her on he feet and dancing. She felt her boredom dissipate at once, to be replaced with a sweet, almost child-like delight. Except it wasn't really child-like because she most certainly was way too awesome to be just some kid and her interests were very mature and way beyond what anyone else her age was doing (nevermind the fact that she was truly thirty-one years old, point was she was a kid in body but a really impressive and mature person mentally). Still, she felt delighted in the way that a daughter felt when she got to dance with her dad, but also the way it was when the dad told the daughter a lovely tale; it was the best of both worlds and she didn't care if they stepped on each other's toes because they didn't actually know how to dance. To Kist, Gozrik's story was perfectly eloquent. There was the right amount of suspense mixed in with the right amount of humour and a few emotional moments. Kist grinned and laughed and felt serious at all the right moments, all while fumbling out a dance on the deck amongst a crowd of seagulls. Kist was so absorbed she hadn't noticed that the boats she'd seen in the distance had gotten closer: he didn't hear the dull drum pounding out a rhythm for the rowers or the oars splashing through the water. She broke away from Gozrik and turned around, her eyes wide. "Do we have to?" she started, "I mean, they haven't–" The boats were heading straight for them and there was a glittering mass of soldiers onboard each vessel, the weird pointy blades at the tops of their helmets spearing up to towards the heavens. Kist's eyes narrowed and she felt a primal anger boiling deep in her chest. In a rush of malice, she felt the need to personally injure every single one of those soldiers, to laugh in their faces as they suffered and maybe even pee on them, somehow. "Right, let's kill'em. I'll stop 'em from rowing." That was perhaps an overstatement, but the general idea was to hinder their locomotion. Already the seagulls, who had sensed something was wrong, were taking to the air and swooping over the enemy boats. It only took them half a minute to fly over there; the boats were dangerously close. Kist sucked in a breath, her chest swelling, and she felt all the magic popping inside her, like something fizzy swirling around in her stomach. She let it rise up in way that was utterly nauseating, feeling a mass force its way up her throat, somehow simultaneously through her trachea and oesophagus. With a horrendous retching cough, she doubled over and a treacle-like ball of blue light forced its way out of her mouth. She gasped, and then put her mind to the substance before her. It split into three parts and she thrust these forth with her mind, aiming them at the guys who were beating the drums on the deck of each ship. A bunch of people had ducked, but the drum guys weren't facing the direction in which the ships rowed, and so didn't notice the stuff heading straight for them. This was good, because each one got hit, or sort of, because the blue stuff mysteriously dissipated before it actually touched them. However, the effect was immediate. Each one stopped drumming and fell back, only to not land at all. They hovered improbably in the air, as if lying on invisible hammocks, and one of them was even laughing. Because the complacency bomb had been split, the effect would only last for a minute or two, which was fine: the boats would have been there in a minute or two anyways, and now there was a great commotion aboard as people, including the undisciplined soldiers, swarmed around and started slapping the drum guys in the face and trying to pull them to the ground instead of getting someone else to do the drumming. Meanwhile, Kist could see the heads of a few rowers trying to get a good look at what had happened to their drummer. Those who still rowed started to fall out of sync and the boats slowed. Kist took a moment to recover, her hands on her knees and her eyes on the disorganised crew aboard the boats. Idiots, she thought, and she straightened. Then she realised that the boats were still moving, and that was because their sails were as full of wind as a glutton is full of bacon. Which was weird because there was only the slightest breeze scraping across the Alteisen. She dashed back to the couch she'd been sitting on, not even thinking that the Ashokans might try to shoot at her. They didn't, though, because they never had, and Kist had never bothered to think about why they didn't just fill her with arrows. She didn't think about it now, she just picked up the jumble of items she'd left beside the couch: a dagger in its scabbard, which she belted to her waist; a glowing bottle on a chain, which she dropped over her head; and a pair of opera glasses, which she thrust to her face. She peered through them, searching amongst the general chaos on board. To her satisfaction, she could see that a lot of the rowers had given up already, since the oars had started colliding with each other, causing them to break. The drum guys were still floating and a lot of people were running around. Someone on the leftmost boat had had the idea to tie theirs to the railing and there he floated, like a weird balloon, still laughing to himself. Finally, Kist found what she was looking for: on the middle-most boat, there was a pair of mages in the black robes that the people at the temple in the City of Oracles had worn. They were identical twins by the looks of things, or maybe it was just their dress that made them look so similar, and they were waving their arms around and saying stuff. They were surely the source of this unnatural wind. Kist turned her mind inwards, feeling for the fizzy potion that seemed to suffuse her body. Only the dregs of the spirit's magic were left, and right now she was wishing she hadn't fired off the random spells earlier. Still, she summoned it up, feeling another rising up within her throat. This one was worse though, for it burned all the way up, worse than bile. She screwed her face up in pain, then disgorged a sparking ball of energy. Shoving aside the agony on her insides, she sent the ball flying. It went on a trajectory above the swarming crowd and towards the two mages. She heard it hit them, because there was a lot of screaming, but she didn't watch: she was too busy spitting out blood onto the deck. She'd clean that up later. Wincing, she straightened up, and observed the sails sink down, as if in disappointment. But the ships were still moving, carried by their momentum. "Ballcrap!" yelled Kist, her throat gurgling with blood. The boats were only like, twenty feet away, and they had shiny, pointy things on their fronts, perfect for ramming other boats. They would collide with the Alteisen, or the middle one would; if they were lucky, they other two would glance off or miss entirely, it was hard to tell. Still, this was not a good situation. "Dad!" she screamed, "Daaaad!" Edited by Kist, Aug 8 2014, 02:36 PM.
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| Gozrik | Aug 3 2014, 02:21 PM Post #4 |
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Kist began to object to killing some random people nearby, which was... Well, in actual fact Gozrik was not even a little annoyed. A little bit of rebellion was good, and even better when other people quickly realised he was so smart and amazing they should stop rebelling and do whatever he said. In this case it was good because whilst she did Kist type things, he could prepare for Gozrik type things. Firstly he went and grabbed his guns, a sack full of bombs and a nice bowler hat. He was about to leave his room when he paused for a moment, noting his danger cigars amidst the assorted items of who even knew what. He grabbed two and began lightning them in between skips as he made his way to the cannons. "Huh" he noted, glancing at the ships. That looked an awful lot like ramming speed. He glanced around and began loading cannons, both those at the side and the nearest of the front mounted spinny triple booming shooters (patent pending). This took a little while, and allowed the ships to close in, which was good, because his accuracy with the sort of thing he was going to try was not always as awesome as it could be. Long fuses, he lit both danger cigars and used one in turn to light both before running like hellfire just as Kist began to shout for him. Quickly he got back to the top deck, dashing past Kist, pausing only for a brief thumbs up before he got to the helm. He kept his mental count. "Kist, my darling, darling daughter" he smoked both cigars, before noting he had two and throwing one to Kist "relax." he jumped back and locked the steering wheel full round. "For we are so very pretty, and Alty is a sweetheart." he paused and looked to the approaching ships "Besides, those idiots have no idea who we are. If they did they would have gone away cause I am so-" A twin roar shock the ship as the cannons shot, respectively a cannon ball and a large amount of cutlery, ball bearings, screwdrivers and a single book of poetry. There were also some grapes in there, but only because Gozrik had often felt plain wrong when his grapeshot was not authentic. "BOOM!" screamed the dwarf, and span the wheel back round so they turned less slowly. He had been aiming to shoot the middle and rightmost ship, and bring the Alteisen face to face with the final. If they wanted to ram anyway, well... Actually, he really wanted that to happen. Like, so badly. Still, before then he did have a shooting gallery of people who for some reason had not realised who he was. Or they did, and did not realise he was a shiny golden god with fantastic teeth and an aura of pure sexyness. "I WISH TO NEGOTIATE!" he screamed as he threw himself forwards, aiming his pistol and opening fire with a somewhat quieter boom "I SURRENDER!" he added, opening fire again, before pausing and considering throwing some bombs "WAIT! DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING EXPENSIVE I WILL WANT TO STEAL?" he waved at Kist. This was fun! It was like bring your daughter to work day. He wondered if there was any pie on the other ships. He felt like pie. Apple! Some sort of fruit based pie. |
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| Kist | Aug 8 2014, 03:02 PM Post #5 |
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Kist glanced over to see Gozrik rushing above deck and was just barely able to catch the cigar he tossed her. He told her to relax, so she did: she stuck the cigar in her mouth and instantly felt better. Puffing steadily, she stared at the oncoming ships and the commotion aboard, nodding at Gozrik's words. Then – BOOM – she was on her ass. Somehow she hadn't expected the cannonfire, even though she was on Gozrik's ship and he even sometimes set off the cannons for fun. Heart pounding, ears ringing, she scrambled up to her feet. The middle ship was floundering; a hundred holes and been punched into its bow and it was taking in sea water through all of them. Some people had already jumped into the water, but the helmsman was smarter than that: he spun the wheel and the ship slid by the rightmost one, which had only received a few blows from the cannons. However, it was no longer in a prime position for ramming, so the helmsmen of that ship sent it veering to the side, leaving many people behind on the middle ship to sink into the sea. So that left one more. Kist took the cigar from her mouth, knocked the ash off and swallowed in nervousness. This last ship was set on a straight course for the Alteisen and there was no sign of it stopping. She scraped her insides in search of some more magical tricks to do at long range, but she could think of none. She shoved the cigar back in her mouth and got a scrambling hold on her dagger. Wincing with each explosion from Gozrik's pistol, she sent some magic into the blade, electrocuting it for the person unlucky enough to be even touched by it. Then there was nothing to do. The ship came sliding forward, sending up a spray as it cut through the waves. The nose-like ram at the head of the ship glimmered just above the water, and Kist noticed an eye painted on the wood above the ram. It seemed to stare at her. Her eyes flicked up to the soldiers onboard who waited to leap onto the deck of the Alteisen. There were less of them than there would have been had Gozrik not been shooting them to bits, but there were enough. She set her legs farther apart and readied herself, physically, if not mentally, for impact. |
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| Gozrik | Sep 18 2014, 01:48 PM Post #6 |
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Ramming time! This was going to be awesome! He had never been rammed before, usually he just rammed ships. And piers. And continents. And swimmers. And once even a werewhale, but that did not feel overly relevant right now. Funny, sure. It was right up there with the time he and his dad went shark chariot racing in terms of fun family friendly stories that end in a brothel and include impersonating a vicar, string of sausages and shrubbery at the same time. The impact sent him flying onto his arse, which was handy because he was literally laughing the said arse right off as it happened. His pistol went somewhere, which was fine cause he would grab it at somepoint. Maybe in the post victory BBQ? He was pretty sure the other ships was full of whores and steak. If you were going to catch Gozrik, you needed Gozrik bait, after all. He pulled himself to his feet and slung his blunderbuss round into his hands, glancing down the barrel to make sure it was loaded. Also, it gave him something to do whilst he let people board. "Well well gentleman, congratulations! This is the closest to capturing me anyone has ever gotten! Now wait there whilst I insult each of you in turn and then I can kill you" he cleared his throat loudly as people continue to board. "Stupid haircut" he pointed at one "you have an eyepatch. You trying to steal my look cockbite? Don't you suck. Penis, specifically." he continued to move round, pausing only on the fifth. "You... You are alright. Have a present" he threw a small Gozrik doll into the air. It sailed directly towards the assembled group. "You are of course aware, my dears" the doll droned in a droll voice "that I am a classically trained actor? I could have been so much more" The doll landed on the deck. Nothing happened. "Huh. That has never happened to me before" the large Gozrik mused. "Daughter dearest, I have a very important thing to teach you. These assholes want to arrest daddy, so now I show you how a Krauswich surrenders" he turned back to the assembled group and swallowed hard. "I..." he began, a lump getting caught in his throat. A tear fell down his cheek. "I SURRENDER!" suddenly he screamed and pointed his blunderbuss at the group, and with a roar it filled the air with a storm of cutlery related death. "I GIVE UP!" roared the dwarf, charging forwards and connecting a first of dwarven fury into a crotch of human patheticness. |
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| Kist | Oct 22 2014, 08:13 AM Post #7 |
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Kist felt her gaze drawn to the eyes painted on either side of the ship's ram. They glared at her as they shredded the water, and she felt her mouth go dry. Then they were gone, hidden by the bulk of the Alteisen. Then, a tremendous shrieking crash, an impact that sent her rolling across the deck. She'd barely gotten to her feet when armour-clad soldiers were pouring onto the Alteisen's deck like so many shiny beetles. Kist brandished her dagger at the swarm of enemies, only to realise that she had something else in her hand. She realised that it was The Collected Works of Smutpurn, which had somehow found its way into her hand when she'd fallen. She sent some magic through it and then chucked it at the foremost soldier. It hit him right in the helmet and sent a jolt of electricity coursing through his armour, causing him to dance like he was possessed. Kist let out a hearty laugh, but there was an edge of nerves to it. She found more things to throw – empty bottles, the tea pot from earlier, walnuts from her pockets and a long, phallic-looking object that hit someone in the face. The shocks she imbued into these objects did little more than cause them some discomfort, however: it made them jump about, get a little disoriented, which tended to give Gozrik enough time to blow them up, though he had some soldiers coming at him too. So it wasn't enough. The crowd had packed together and was moving steadily along the deck. Somewhere in the back of her mind, Kist was a little surprised. They weren't rushing her. Why didn't someone just run in and kill her? Were they honestly scared of her? They shouldn't be, she realised with a sinking feeling. Her body felt tired and near-empty: she was quickly running out of magic. Well, there were at least a few more things she could do. Bumping up against the railing at the end of the ship, she cast her mind out like a net, feeling all the miniscule lives that inhabited this ship. Then she drew the net in and closed it up before herself. Bugs came flying out from the ship's hatch: spiders, flies, maggots, hardtack full of larvae and even wood borers wrenched from the wood they'd been chewing on. The resulting sphere of crawling life was only big enough for one to hold between their hands, but it was the best she could do. She hurled it out with her mind, splitting it in two in transit, and managed to catch two soldiers with them, each in the face. The bugs latched onto their skin and seeped under their armour and one man was so disgusted that he even threw himself off the ship, screaming. So, that was it. There was still a mass of ten or so soldiers coming towards her, quicker now, and she had to make a decision. She could turn into a moth and fly away, hoping to find land somewhere near. For a split second, she was tempted: her dad could take care of himself, somehow. She shot a sidelong glance at that whirl of action that was her dad and felt her insides seize up at the thought. No, she couldn't do that. You didn't sign up to be someone's daughter only to opt out whenever you felt like it. You stuck together, no matter what. So she couldn't run away, but she could still fly. And the soldiers were upon her. One lunged for her, a blade flashing out. Obviously he was used to fighting taller opponents, because Kist ducked under it easily, jabbing at his knees with her knife. She missed the chink in his armour, so the blade glanced off. When she came up, the sword was swinging at her again, and she ducked again. She felt her hair brushed by its passing. So, the dagger wasn't going to work. The dude had a way better weapon than her and, in fact, all of them. She threw herself back against the rail and tumbled right over, head over heels. Kist barely flared out her wings in time to save herself. He feet touched the water before she was up in the air again. She soared over the boat, dodging the arrows that now came her way, and landed behind Gozrik. "Cover me, dad! I gotta do something!" She held her dagger in her teeth and fumbled with the little cord around her neck, pulling out a tiny bottle of glowing, yellow-green fluid. She tugged at the cap, but her hands were too sweaty to get at it, so she had to take her dagger with one hand and wrench at the cork with her teeth. Out it popped and as soon as it did, a wisp of light came trickling out of the bottle. Kist held it out and watched as the wisp became a stream, pouring into a spiral of light. Already she could feel Bitchface's will exerted against hers: that shimmering light fluid had her dreaming of somewhere safe and happy. But she shook her head vigorously, growling magic at the will-o'-the-wisp to keep its intentions away from her. The spiral of light coalesced into a rippling sphere, and before it could do any more, Kist hissed at it, her voice imbued with magic: "Go and eat them. They're yours." Bitchface shot forth so fast that it was just a smear of light in Kist's eyes. It hovered before the soldiers that had turned around to come get Kist and sent an intoxicating flood of magic at them. As she recorked the now empty bottle and took up her dagger, Kist could see several of the soldiers stop, the ball of light reflected in their pupils. The wisp spoke to them in a moaning chorus of voices, making promises in a language that was not heard but felt. Then it pulled itself away, dragging the enthralled soldiers behind it. Kist didn't get to see the scene play out. The five or so who hadn't been entranced came rushing towards Kist and her dad. So she went to stand behind him, her pointless dagger at the ready, her heart thrusting and beating in her throat. |
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