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| The Twilight Of My Ass; Anti-Stephenie Meyer | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: May 9 2008, 04:13 AM (12,757 Views) | |
| Miss Yukari | May 31 2008, 02:26 AM Post #166 |
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Fabulously Lazy
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Like Sefie, I'm loving this thread because it brings so many lulz. I followed an LJ link and found an awesome post on the book by Otahyoni, including a parody that made me giggle even though I've only read the excerpts here and in that review. So I thought I'd share!
The entire entry is over here. I still seriously can't believe Bella's heart stops when Edward kisses her. :rolleyes: Otahyoni also posted a bunch of quotes from it, and the one that stuck out for me was this: "He lay perfectly still in the grass, his shirt open over his sculpted, incandescent chest, his scintillating arms bare." LOL. I know 'incandescent' and 'scintillating' can both mean 'sparkly', but I see incandescent and think 'angry', and see scintillating and think 'clever'. So when I read it, I thought Edward's chest was angry at his arms for being clever. |
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| Kusari Yarou | May 31 2008, 06:32 PM Post #167 |
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Legendary Member
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:o That's a PARODY? NO, RLY??? Because that's exactly how SM writes! Well, maybe not the kneecap thing, but the rest is DEAD-ON. SRSLY. (I abuse the caps-lock waay too much on this thread XD) More wisdom of twoo wuv from Stephenie Meyer!: From here
Who the hell says "cheesecake" and "soulmates" all in one breath??? ![]() AGH, SHE'S RUINING CHEESECAKE FOR ME. Dammit, that's one of my favorite desserts! |
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| Materia Thief | May 31 2008, 06:36 PM Post #168 |
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yet again, today I loved you
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If you cut out the part about soulmates, I actually kinda like that description! :lol: "Edward first notices Bella 'cause "mmmm, is that human!cheesecake I smell?" Plus, I mean, all of the puns you can make about things being cheesy. P: |
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| Kusari Yarou | May 31 2008, 06:39 PM Post #169 |
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Legendary Member
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My soulmate is a cheesecake, OH YESH Crayola could team up with SM and MTV and release a line of crayons called "Edward's Eyes". Featuring the colors: golden, dark gold, burnt-gold, blazing-gold, toffee, tawny, ocher, topaz, butterscotch... |
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| Rikkulicious | May 31 2008, 07:05 PM Post #170 |
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Unregistered
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Homg I didn't realize that was a parody until I read the part about him turning into an apple. SO SAD. You guys, I have to tell you a secret.... To me, you're like a delicious cheesecake. My soulmate. My love.
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| Kaldea | May 31 2008, 08:59 PM Post #171 |
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fantôme
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O: BUT I'M ALLERGIC TO CHEESECAKE. DHJGDLJGDLG |
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| Rikkulicious | May 31 2008, 09:57 PM Post #172 |
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Unregistered
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Such a tragedy! A love that was never meant to be! ~heart stops beating because of the amazing scent of your breath~
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| Tacofoolio | Jun 1 2008, 02:45 AM Post #173 |
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We are number one. All others are number two, or lower.
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xD Haven't read the books, but from what I've heard, I'll hate em. Sign me up. |
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| Kusari Yarou | Jun 1 2008, 01:54 PM Post #174 |
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Legendary Member
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Ye know, "Maybe you'll like it more than I did" is my motto when talking about books that just weren't my thing. But then I revisit these dubious metaphors... -"His hair was dripping wet, disheveled — even so, he looked like he'd just finished shooting a commercial for hair gel." -"But outside the door to our Spanish class, leaning against the wall — looking more like a Greek god than anyone had a right to — Edward was waiting for me." -"I was in danger of being distracted by his livid, glorious face. It was like trying to stare down a destroying angel." -"I laughed with him, hiding a secret twinge of regret — why did he have to look like a runway model when I couldn't?" -"Edward stood in the halo of the porch light, looking like a male model in an advertisement for raincoats." ...ARGH, why is Orson Scott Card kissing this woman's butt again???
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| Kaldea | Jun 1 2008, 02:02 PM Post #175 |
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fantôme
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I notice two things. There is an apparent obsession with ads and models.
I LOL'D SO HARD WHEN I READ THAT. Raincoats... Are you kidding? They call this writing? ![]() THE FANS ARE DELUSIONAL. THAT OR THEY HAVE ACCEPTED FANFICTION AS ACTUAL LITERATURE. I SUGGEST READING SOME BOOKS BY ACTUAL EXPERIENCED AUTHORS WHOSE BOOKS HAVE TEXT SMALLER THAN AN SUV. |
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| Kusari Yarou | Jun 1 2008, 02:46 PM Post #176 |
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Legendary Member
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ZOMG, CEEGEE, DUN TALK LIKE THAT. It's REAL LITERATERRR! MOMS READ IT!@@@@@@@@@@@
From Twilight Moms. I SHIT YOU NOT. Somewhere out there are married women imagining a cold sparkly piece of marble when they're making love to their husbands. I even read something about a woman telling her partner not to worry if she cried out the name "Edward" in her dreams, because the guy was only fictional. Oh *gawdz*... Goodbye, faith in humanity, it was nice knowing ya! |
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| Loveholic | Jun 1 2008, 03:10 PM Post #177 |
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<3
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*shrivels up and dies* :mellow: I did NOT need to know that. Oh God, why oh WHY did you allow Stephanie Meyers to plague humanity with such... crap?!!?!? OMG, knowing 40+ women going all *lusty* over a book, about fantasy and vampires no less, makes me just wanna... ![]() *bangs head against wall* |
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| Skelly | Jun 1 2008, 04:21 PM Post #178 |
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a strange angel
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I was laughing all the way up until Kusari's post. Then I cried. :mellow: |
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| Rikkulicious | Jun 1 2008, 04:35 PM Post #179 |
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Unregistered
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~cries~ This is so so sad. Oh my goodness. ... There are no words. :lol: See, when crap like this gets popular, it only causes more and more people to think that writing Mary Sues and Gary Stus is alright. WHEN WILL THIS SERIES BE OVER? |
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| Kusari Yarou | Jun 1 2008, 06:22 PM Post #180 |
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Legendary Member
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OMG, I found this in their forums!(Yes, I have no pity on my brain cells and am lurking): TM=Twilight Moms, apparently.
POOR, POOR MAN. D: D: D: |
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I followed an LJ link and found an awesome post on the book by Otahyoni, including a parody that made me giggle even though I've only read the excerpts here and in that review. So I thought I'd share!




You guys, I have to tell you a secret.... 
Such a tragedy! A love that was never meant to be! 

12:29 AM Jul 11