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Cloudless; My first ever fanfic!!!
Topic Started: Aug 11 2006, 04:26 AM (479 Views)
aerisbolt
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Beautiful Paradox
Hi everyone! I am so excited I actually finished it, my first fanfic. I hope you can take sometime to read it. Just a warning it is long! Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy my story. Feedback is very much appreciated!!! :fangirl:

Edit: Oh and just to mention, I do not have any fan art yet but hope to soon to go along with the story. The picture on the site now is from fan art section on the C&A Forums. I hope there wasn't any confusion on the picture that is on the site now.

Edit 2: Just wanted to let everyone know this story is now on fanfiction.net. Also, I will soon have pictures to go with the story at the sight below so stay tuned.

aerisbolt's fanfic
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Sadhana
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capitalism is dead
Okay, just finished reading. :D I have a few things to say.

*enters writer-mode* :geek:

First of all, I liked the story. It was sweet, and chapter 5 was exciting. The connection you made between FFVII and KH was also pretty original, so I enjoyed that. Overall, the plot was very good.

Secondly, I want to point out one of the golden rules of writing: if you can show it, don't tell it. In other words, why not describe instead of just stating it? For example:

original
 
Cid is the typical 'tough guy, with a tender heart'.


That's how you tell it. But this is how you show it:

example
 
"Well, I'll be damned. No cheerleader this morning, eh?" Cid chided.

"Good morning to you too, Cid," Aerith playfully replied. Cid's snarling voice bellowed with laugher as he vigourously patted her back with the palm of his thick-skinned hand: his idea of a gesture of friendliness.


This tells the reader that although Cid can come off as a tough guy, he's obviously caring and friendly. It also opens up to allow description. Instead of describing how Cid is by simply stating he's the tough guy with a tender heart, it requires the writer to demonstrate it with imagery. And imagery allows the reader to visaluize the story better. ^_^

Thirdly, since this story deals a lot with Aerith's love for Cloud, he should've been characterized more. He's got a complicated personality, and he's torn between a lot of different emotions. I felt like you could have developed on that more than you did.

Last of all, I just wanted to mention that I noticed that you switched between the present and past tenses when writing the main chronology of the story. Just be careful of that.

In the end, it was a very enjoyable fanfiction. You should write fanfics more often. Just keep up with the writing because I'd love to see how you progress. Good luck with your writing in the future. :gift:
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aerisbolt
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Beautiful Paradox
Oh thank you so much for your evaluation of my story Sadhana! This is great advice, i promise to take it to heart, show don't just tell. :huggle: I thought I might have been struggling with the past and present tenses I will continue to work on that. I am slightly embarrassed, it didn't even occur to me that I could take time to describe Cloud more since in my mind he is in it so little but that is really silly of me when I think about what you said :blush: I will remember that.

I am so glad you enjoyed it and I will continue to write, thank you for your encouragement and well wishes!
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momoju
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Yay! I can't wait to read your fanfic! :woot:
-reads-
...
-finishes reading-
Great job! I enjoyed reading it, though I wished it were longer ^_^
And I agree with Sadhana, I really liked the connection you made with FF and KH. I can't believe this was part of the dream you had lol :D. I also thought the ending was pretty darn sweet :)
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aerisbolt
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Beautiful Paradox
Thank you so much Marlena! :huggle:

Wow you wished it was longer, thank you that is such a nice compilment! As for the dream chapters 4-6 have a lot to do with my dream, along with the connection of FFVII with KH of course :blush:

I have started writing something else off the basis of this story, I hesitate to call in an epilogue or a sequel, we will see maybe where it goes :lol: Thanks for taking the time to comment.
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goddess_in_pink07
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Ambrosia
Awwww, how cute hun! :fangirl: It was amazing. I loved how you combine KH and FF7 together to complete your story. It was lovely.

And, i loved the ending... :blush: teehee, i'm just one of those suckers for Cleris endings... lovely done Aerisbolt dear. :huggle: Your fanfic is superb! :peace:
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aerisbolt
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Beautiful Paradox
Thank you so much goddess!!! I appreciate you commenting :huggle: I am very glad you liked it.

UPDATE: Oh and I promised to notify when drawings were posted and I can happily say I have some up now up on the site!!!! A million thanks to LadyNel's father for donating his time and talent to my fanfic, so go check out his work and enjoy!!! Just use the link I put in my original post. :cleris:
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LadyNelZelpher
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He says that you are more than welcome :P
Well, I already gave you the feedback, you know I loved your story :huggle:

By the way, am I the only one that can't see the images? :ermm:
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momoju
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LadyNelZelpher
Aug 20 2006, 01:57 PM
By the way, am I the only one that can't see the images? :ermm:

The pictures posted within her story and I have to say that the pictures are really great :)
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Trisse
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Wow i liked your fanfic! like what Sandhana said you need to watch out for the tenses because it did feel at times of track!! But hey i would like to see more from ya!!!

Oh and i loved the last chapter! Aerith in Action hahahahah! that was kool! i am a sucker for action stories!!! The flow from action to romance was obvious! i loved it ahhahahhaa! i think bcoz i love Sephy, because he is unlike any other villian i know!
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aerisbolt
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Beautiful Paradox
Thank you so much Afronomous! I really appreciate you taking time to comment and I am so happy you enjoyed it. Yeah I wanted Aeris to have a few moments of fighting since now everytime she is shown she normally is in a supportive role. Yeah had to have her and Sephiroth duel.

Oh and just for a final update on the drawings, they are all up now so enjoy them. I will be fixing a few errors that people have found for me but Iwon't be able to do that till next week since I am moving and won't have internet <_< . Thanks to everyone who has taken time to read it and for those who have left comments. If anyone else would like to comment please do, I want to become a better writer and the more comments the better. Thanks again everyone!
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