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In The Absence Of My Flower Girl; a fledgling fanfic of mine
Topic Started: Apr 18 2006, 05:28 AM (1,209 Views)
Sadhana
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capitalism is dead
I've been working on my second fanfic for a little while now. Thanks to a thus far creatively stimulating Spring Break, I have FINALLY finished the first chapter! I guess there's going to be around five more chapters, but I hope to finish it up soon because I've been taking a rather unhealthily long break from my actual novel. Anyway, here's the first chapter to a fanfic I've entitled In the Absence of My Flower Girl.

It takes place after Advent Children, by the way. It doesn't really contain spoilers, but if you're worried then just don't look ;) . Hope you enjoy it!

In the Absence of My Flower Girl

Edit: By the way, this chapter's entitled "A Confession In Church."
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Hades' Daughter
Cleris Extremist
I thoroughly enjoyed reading the first chapter of this fanfic, msz aeris strife! :wub:

I really love the way you write 'cos everything just flows so smoothly. Maybe it's just me, but sometimes, because of certain writing styles, I have a bit of a hard time catching onto what the writer is trying to portray. However, I didn't have a single problem reading your lovely piece of work. The whole confession scene was simply adorable. True that Cloud doesn't say much when he's around others, but it doesn't mean that he's a brick wall with no emotions or thoughts. It's nice to see you portray Cloud reflecting on his memories of the flower girl, and out loud too... :)

You absolutely must finish this fanfic. I'll be waiting to read the rest of it, and BTW...please share more of your work here with us.

:cleris:
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Lynn
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Lynn has no Lloud smut ;-;
When your novel comes out, lemme know and I'll be in line buying a copy. :D

My favourite part had to be during Cloud's confession as well. His inherent awkwardness completely and utterly spills out at that moment, and I loved how he kept correcting himself, trying to steer his thoughts in the 'right' direction but always returning to the core of his feelings in the end.

I also liked his interaction with Tifa. I don't buy the idea that things will turn out magically better between them after AC-- from what I saw in CoT, their problems surfaced because of their individual personalities, and not solely because of Geostigma and/or Cloud's guilt. I liked the strange sort of emptiness that was between them when Cloud came down for breakfast, despite Tifa's best efforts at reaching out to him. Cloud and Tifa seemed to communicate better through Marlene and Denzel rather than to each other directly in both CoT and AC, and the effects of the children's void is felt at the breakfast table.

One very small part that didn't quite appeal to me (very, very small... it's literally one sentence! :lol: ) was when, in the flashback, Cloud finally looks at Aerith in the church, and the description of her feels a bit over-the-top:

Quote:
 
A halo of beauty radiating down on her and a veil of light thrown over her, she looked like an angel.

It's just personal preference, but I usually don't react well to descriptions that emphasise someone's beauty to such a degree. Of course, you didn't go into three paragraphs detailing every breathtaking sparkle in Aerith's emerald-green eyes, and that's awesome. But on the other hand, such a line does appeal to me if I see it as Cloud thinking it, making him sound a bit of a romantic despite his stoic demeanour. ;)

I also liked the irony of Aerith's dress slit. Good eye!

Anyway, I feel like you have Cloud's post-AC character down pat. He's open, but not too open; lighter, but not floating on rainbows. I definitely look forward to reading future chapters of this.
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Sadhana
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capitalism is dead
Oh, thanks so much!! I'm gonna try really, really hard to finish the next chapter by the end of the week. So, hopefully, I'll have an update soon. Thanks again :) .

Edit: Okay, all updated! I probably won't be updating this quickly in the future though :lol: .
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NazMan
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Newbie
Whoops, guess you already have a topic for it! Anyway, great story and please update soon!
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Sadhana
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capitalism is dead
It officially took me over a month, but In the Absence of My Flower Girl is finally finished. I think I could've done the ending better, but I hope everyone likes it anyway! Criticism or critique, I'd love to hear what you have to say about my first multifaceted fanfiction. Oh, and if Chapter 5 seems at all familiar, it's because I based it off a oneshot I posted here.
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NazMan
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Newbie
Can't wait to finish it! I'm gonna go read it right now!
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Meikyo
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<3 Love you.
@_@ Gah. This has got to be my favorite AC fanfic ever. ^^
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Sadhana
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capitalism is dead
Meikyo
 
@_@ Gah. This has got to be my favorite AC fanfic ever. ^^


Oh, wow! Thanks so much. :huggle: I'm really glad you liked it.
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Lute
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OFFICIAL FORUM GODDESS
This....Is now my favorite Clerith fanfiction I have read so far. Its extremely in character, and your grammar is impeccable. Keep up the lovely work, msz aeris strife! :cleris: :fangirl: :huggle:
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Nightmare
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Mrs. George Harrison D:
you know what, i cried!!!! this is such a tear jerker!!! I've already reviewed your fic as "Nobody's Flicker" :cray:
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goddess_in_pink07
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Ambrosia
OMG, Msz Aeris Strife, your stories are fantastic!! Your such a great writer... omg, makes me feel like a such a amateur... :blush:
OMG, you fit everything in all SO perfectly! To the exact words, to scenes, everything was perfect...
You are indeed a superb writer. :cheer:
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Sadhana
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capitalism is dead
Holy moly. Everyone here's so nice! Thanks so much, guys. I'm really glad you all liked it. :blush: I did the best I could.

Kudos to the off-topicness of this thread for inspiring me, and getting my story rolling!
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Snowyowl131
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Newbie
*applauds* Wonderful Fanfic!!! :D

Now I feel like reading the rest of your cleris fanfics.

:cleris:

*gives you a flower* :gift:

Hope your novel goes well.
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True Serenity
Advanced Member
... (beware, LONGLONGLONG post ahead!)

Zomg, I haven't even finished the whole story yet, and it already has brought a tear to my eye by 1st chapter (I'm up to the 3rd one now)! ;_; May God bless you and your one-of-a-kind flow, Msz Aeris Strife -- your writing is just so beautiful and so powerfully moving. I swear, I haven't been this touched EVER. <3 I guarantee that even a bored somebody who luckily stumbles aross your amazing fanfic and that has no clue WTF Cleris is (or what Final Fantasy is for that matter) would count this as such a tragic yet everlasting romance. Gawd, how everything in your work of art has lightened up my heart. I couldn't love Cleris any more than how much I do now, thanks to your emphasis on parts that I completely forgot about (yes, T_S is a tard). :sad: Now I look at things with more symbolism and goodness. Within them may bring someone such hope and warmth that it can make a difference in their happiness span. Sigh. The little, simple things in life. Good philosophy.

And I'm so dead serious. The settings, Cloud and Tifa's interaction, all characters, all the descriptions... they seem so nearly accurate! Damn girl, you got skill! x) I'm glad you got to touch on every little detail about Cloud's relationship with both Tifa and Aerith without a dash of bias. <3 I'm glad you didn't ignore Tifa's feelings for Cloud also. I learned from your POV that even little memories of that special flower girl mean so much to him. Ah, the emoness of love. ;_; Plus, to add on to my list of remarks you deserve: I also loved how you included flashbacks on parts where they show Cloud slowly realizing his true feelings for Aerith, then returning on how those impacted him now. The "memory" concept is indeed sad, and I'm so captivated with tears that he finally understands so much more with the love between him and Aerith. Memories play such importance in his life, even the "littlest" of them all... as mentioned earlier again heh ^^;... 'cause he now misses them deeply. This has strongly developed his feelings for her, and sadly, his regret. He now feels like he's running around with an empty part of him. I mean really, he's missing someone that is so truly dear to him. A natural flower girl who is just simply herself makes him so happy without even trying -- it's so heartbreaking! The more he remembers their happy times "together", the more it pains him about her absence. It's sad that their reach is so limited due to the boundaries of life and death. However it has no affect on how much love they can both give off to eachother. That condition can never touch one's strong affection. It's continuous by the feeling, not by the "physical" aspect. Long sigh. The loss of Aerith nails me down as well... ;_; *cries under her pillow* And, not only have you encircled Cloud's feelings for Aerith greatly, but vice versa as well! <3

MAN, I just cannot describe in words how awesomely beautiful your fanfic is! MUCHO KUDOS TO YOOUUU! <3 Honestly, I'm meaning so much more than I am rambling on & on about expressing in my craptastic comment. I'm gonna read off to finish your fic now, since it's sososo darn beautiful. Thank you for bringing such a moment in my life. *is so sappy right now* </3 Best wishes in all you try, and I don't think you even need our "good luck" greetings because your writing is so pure that you'd succeed a professional by first paragraph! :lol: Let's face it -- you're a natural. And I'll prolly be battling in place on line with Lynn for your novel, sweetie. Excellent work to the fullest~ <3
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