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Puttin' My Mom In A Home Tomorrow.; Feel like a Jerk.....
Topic Started: Feb 8 2005, 01:15 AM (192 Views)
pentax
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Kamloops - BC Interior
Mom's scheduled to go to a Center that provides 24-hour supervised Care tomorrow - she's seriously demented, sleeps about 18 or 20 hours a day, can't remember that the bathroom is 8 feet out of her bedroom, can't walk without a Walker, thinks my Dad did something to hide her parents from her (my MOM is 92 - figure THAT out.) Plus she's a Colostomy patient. She has asked me WHOSE son I as..... she knew I was someone's son, but just couldnt remember whose.

I have known this is gonna happen for a long time, but it still sucks - MAJOR! I have to leave town tomorrow morning, to get to their town and participate in the "charade" that we will have to put on, to get her to go....she is a Fighter, and wont like it, even though the Doctor has ordered a sedative (which I picked up on Friday, when I was last there).

I sure would trade places with anyone tomorrow morning..... DAMN.....



And then there's the matter of how Dad will take all this - not good, I am expecting.



Screw it - had a few drinks - going to bed.

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"Kirk to Enterprise - Very funny, Scotty.... now beam down my clothes!"
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TexasShadow
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Jane
pentax

all I can tell you is that you are doing the right thing. you are making sure your mother gets the best care available for her remaining years.
a nursing home is not a dungeon.
you are not abandoning her...you are seeing that she gets the care she needs.
your dad won't take it well because he will feel the same way you do, only more, but if he's around 90 himself, he can't take care of her. he should consider going in with her, but most folks don't. those that do seem to do pretty well.
I went up to visit my mom today and they were having a little party with live music provided by a local group of violin playing ladies....they were playing and singing all the old songs. mom was humming along with them.
Posted Image "A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking."
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Little Kopit
newfoundland
Murray,

Hang in there. You know that in this modern world there is more that can be done for your mom by others than you can do yourself. Do what you have to do.

You'd kick yourself more if you didn't do this, even if a few thousand years of conditioning say otherwise.

All the best.

:tiphat:
Lynne
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DylansMom
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Jackie-Sioux Falls, SD (in Arizona for the moment)
Mur, please know you are doing what is best for her. I know it must be hard for you, but she will be well cared for and safer than she would be at home.

Thank in there!!!!!
Greg, Dylan & Jasper too!
2005 F350 King Ranch PSD Crew Cab 4x4 Dually; 2005 Carriage Carri-lite KIQ View My Pictures Here

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cmoehle
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Chris - San Antonio TX
My thoughts go with you. We'll all have to face this eventually, if we haven't already. My parents are fast approaching this time.
Politics is the art of achieving the maximum amount of freedom for individuals that is consistent with the maintenance of social order.
--Barry Goldwater
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Heathertee
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Heather-Central Connecticut
Of course you are going to feel bad, even though you know this is the right thing to do. The human brain is such a fragile thing, really! A few lapsed synapses, a few blocked circuits, and everything goes haywire. Not your fault!, and not your fault that you have to resort to trickery to do what you have to do!

My mother is 87 and sharp, but is approaching 200# and will not stop eating things that are bad for her. If she becomes any further disabled, although I am here to do for her, she very likely will have to go into a home, though she would hate it to her dying day. I think that might be worse than her not really knowing what is happening.

She very well may grow to love it; lots of things will be easier for her. Best of luck to you and please keep us updated on her progress.
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Gerry
Gerry
Mur, I know that I've already said it elsewhere but you have a VERY large group of people in your corner right now. I know that it doesn't make what needs to be done any easier, but you are doing the right thing.

If I've learned nothing else about you over the last few years, you are a lot stronger than you let on. You've been the sounding board for many others and now its everyone else's turn to return the favour.

My prayers are with you.
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Beer Belly
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Rick ~Poughquag, NY
Please understand that you are providing your Mom with what she needs in terms of care, you are also helping Dad as it is probably difficult, if not impossible to give the care his Wife needs. Always remember that if you need to vent or just chat, we will be here :listen:
*Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming- "Wow!, What a ride!"

*A good friend will bail you out of Jail...A true friend will be sitting next to you saying "Boy, was that fun!"
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passinthru
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John - Gainesville, FL
Watching those that helped us become what we are today go down both mentally and physically is not easy. She will need their care and your love whether she recognizes it or not. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
Faster horses, younger women, older whiskey, more money...
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Linda
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Member
:no:

Don't feel like a jerk, Pentax. You are making this decision because you feel it is what will keep her safe.


I posted this elsewhere here, but I remember you once telling me you thought it was nice.

I live my life in growing orbits,
which move out over the things of this world.
Perhaps I never can achieve the last,
but that will be my attempt.
I am circling around God,
around the ancient tower,
and I have been circling for a thousand years.
And I still do not know,
if I am a Falcon,
or a storm,
or a great song.
RM Rilke

*hugs*
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Outback Annie
Mojave Desert Yacht Club
Heartfelt thoughts are with you pentax.

I have no words to make you feel better. It really does suck. Not because of what you have to do but just all the feelings that go with it. It's just a job that has to be done and just plain sucks.

You have many friends in here to help console you.

Hang in there mate. Strength and courage to you.

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Kate and Ed
Raleigh NC

Oh, Pentax had to do it years ago and I'm sure it doesn't get any easier. Was still the best thing for her and our family. The saddest are the ones who have been put there and forgotten. Whether she knows it or not she is not forgotten. On the contrary you are being a loving son. We were fortunate my Mother was not a fighter and gradually accepted it. When we would take her our for the day and she was lucid, she would remind us when it was time to get back so she could have the dinner meal with her friends. In the beginning she didn't want to return so when it changed it was a relief and it reinforced we had done the right thing.

My thoughts and prayers are with you,

Kate
of Kate and Ed Posted Image

"Patriotism is easy to understand in America; it means looking out for yourself by looking out for your country."

Calvin Coolidge, 30th President of the US
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sylley2000
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Sylvia, Grand Bend ON
Pentax,

Do what you have to do to ensure your Mother gets the care she needs--that is all you can do, your choices are so very limited.

I'll join the rest of your supporters here and keep you in my thoughts today. And I agree--life just sucks some days -- MAJOR!

Sylvia
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wolfgoddess
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Party Leader
I am so glad you are there to over see things as it was too much for Dad and was taking it's toll on you both.

You are a very loving and supportive Son. These things are and never will be easy. In your heart you know you are doing it for her safety, why, because you love her.

I do know how hard this has been on your emotions. I am here for you always. You have many caring people around you. I will connect with you later.

Call those people I told you about as they may be able to offer some support for Dad during this transition and maybe give you some also. They may be able to help your Dad get involved in something to keep him busy as this is a sudden change for him also and it will help to occupy his time. As hard as it is, now you will have a piece of mind re the situation.



:wub: K loving " HUGS"
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pentax
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Kamloops - BC Interior
Well, it turned into a Gong Show; the sedative the Doc prescribed for her was too strong and knocked her out cold. An ambulance transport had been arranged by me, but when they got there they didnt like her signs, so they took her to the hospital instead - not sure when she'll be tranferred to the home. And then there's the question of what happens afterwards (I forgot to mention this is just a 2-week scheduled respite).

Oh well, at least she's out of the house - it's just too much for my Dad.

He actually took it pretty well, after the fracas.....


Thanks for all the kind thoughts, folks.
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"Kirk to Enterprise - Very funny, Scotty.... now beam down my clothes!"
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