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| Should Both Parents Work? | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Feb 2 2005, 04:08 PM (244 Views) | |
| CalRed | Feb 2 2005, 04:08 PM Post #1 |
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The question of whether both parents should work is one most parents really don't want to face. Some of the reasons seem to be "we can't pay our bills" if we don't both work. But is that really the problem? Is it really necessary for both parents to work? Financially if both parents work they will only realize about 1/3 of their salary. Is that worth missing your child's first steps? Or missing his/her first words? Do you really believe the day care center is taking good care of your child? Wouldn't it be much simpler if only one parent (and I personally believe it should be the male) worked and the other stayed home to "raise" the children? Would we have as many delinquents? Why do parents feel both need to work. Is it so hard to get an education so that jobs can be found that pay enough money so two working parents aren't necessary? Is the cost of raising children so high that both parents have to work in order to survive financially? Could the many problems families face today with their children be the direct result of both parents working? Maybe the other costs of having both parents work — emotional and stress-related — are so high that it’s better for one parent to stay home. Is the high divorced rate caused in part by both parents having a stressful job and the stress the children have of no parent to talk with when they are needed most? I wonder if anyone has ever studied this problem well enough to provide some real answers. |
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Something instead of Nothing? "I find it quite improbable that such order came out of chaos. There has to be some organizing principle. God to me is a mystery but is the explanation for the miracle of existence, why there is something instead of nothing." Alan Sandage | |
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| sylley2000 | Feb 2 2005, 04:26 PM Post #2 |
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Sylvia, Grand Bend ON
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If finances are limited, why do you view this as an either/or between husband and wife? I know many modern couples who both are able to be in the home but at different times. My next door neighbours were both police officers. They were able to juggle their schedules so the child spent zero time in daycare.
Why do you believe it should be the male? The female of the partnership may have a job that earns more money. She may also be the more competitive of the two. There are males who are very naturing--more so than the woman in the relationship. Nurturing isn't confined to gender. Don't you think that is best left up to the 'individual' couple to decide for themselves? Yes, cost if living, has risen to the point that 'many' families need two incomes to provide food, shelter, clothing and education for their children. Since you admit there are no studies to answer your question, why do you choose traditional marriage roles that might not be the cause of any of these difficulties you are speaking about? Sylvia |
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| CalRed | Feb 2 2005, 04:58 PM Post #3 |
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The only view I stated was my personal view that it should be the male. I would agree with you that if the female made much more money then I would have no problem with the male staying home. I would disagree with the idea but would not comdemn it. That's a decision the parents would have to make. It wouldn't happen in my family but I am asking for other opinions here. I am only asking why people find it necessary for both to work and does anyone think both working affects the kids and other things I stated. I don't think it is a cost of living problem. I think it may be a case of wanting too much too fast. Do you think children who have attended day care all their life are as well adjusted as those raised by a parent? Do you agree that about 2/3 of the money the 2nd parent makes goes to the extra expense involved? |
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Something instead of Nothing? "I find it quite improbable that such order came out of chaos. There has to be some organizing principle. God to me is a mystery but is the explanation for the miracle of existence, why there is something instead of nothing." Alan Sandage | |
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| TexasShadow | Feb 2 2005, 06:11 PM Post #4 |
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Jane
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I tend to agree that kids seem to do better if one parent is around most of the time, but I've seen a lot of exceptions to that rule....on both sides, so it takes more than just staying home. I think both parents work these days because they honestly need to or feel that they need to...in order to have a decent home and some of the pleasures of life. But "decent" and "pleasures" mean different things to different people. |
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| tomdrobin | Feb 2 2005, 09:19 PM Post #5 |
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I wanted my wife home when our son was young. So, I often worked two jobs or took extra work on weekends to get by in the early years. Just depends on what your priorities are. Eventually I ended up with a good paying job. But, once the children were grown, I insisted she get out of the house and into the work force. A good mom and homemaker is worth her weight in gold for sure. But, not all are cut out for it, and the kids probably would be better off at day care. Both my sisters put their careers on hold until their kids were 16 or so, and I don't think they regret it. |
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| Trailblazer | Feb 17 2005, 10:41 AM Post #6 |
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A parent staying home, or even both for that matter, doesn't guarantee or produce more emotionally stable children or more stability in the home. My generation's "Mom" was home more often than not (more homemakers than working moms) but that did not mean all of these homemakers were hands-on mothers or "emotionally there" for the children. We now know my generation grew up with dysfunctions as the norm, imho (talk about high emotional stress) and as children, our coping mechanism was to turn our repressed pain, anger and rage inward on ourselves in the form of drugs, alcohol and suicide, as opposed to the current generations who are more in touch with their shame, pain, anger, and rage, turning it outward on others, as well as on themselves. Children who are lucky enough to be raised in a home by loving adults who stay home or work outside the home, and who understand the importance of "being there" emotionally for their children, fare the best, again, imho. Divorce isn't caused by stressful jobs. Divorces are the product of couples not being able to or not knowing how to resolve their problems and differences. On edit: And how ironic that the generation that cried out and said "Don't blame your mother! Don't blame your parents! Take responsibility!" is now blaming the mothers and fathers. You can't have it both ways. |
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| Justine | Feb 17 2005, 09:55 PM Post #7 |
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I didn't work for the first 15 yrs of our marriage, I quit when I became pregnant with our first child. I have just rejoined the work force, but only part time. I work tue. thurs and sat. , My hubby is at home on Sat. so the kids are in afterschool care only two days a week( oldest 14yr old) stays home alone. Do I think that it is ideal. Nope, I have decided to cut back and only work one week day , I think that young teens need MORE supervision , not LESS. Am I totally happy about this, NOPE, I love my work, and quite frankly it is a break from home, BUT, being a parent isn't about putting myself first all the time , now is it? I won't quit completely, but , comprimise in any relationship is important, and sometimes that means sacrifice of our own " wants" for the greater good. And I think it IS GOOD to be there, to meet their friends , to help with homework, and generally just keep my eyes open. I think sometimes we can all be a bit selfish, and parenting can be a thankless job at times. But I want to do it the best I can, and yes, I DO think that means a parent should be around, not just a " cell phone ". As for wage earnings versus, who stays home, mom or dad, I guess that is everyones own decision based own their own values. I don't see one as being right or wrong. PS If finances are such that both parents MUST work to keep food on the table then that is a different matter, but , just working to gain luxuries at the exspence of your family is not right in my book. |
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| mychrissy | Feb 17 2005, 10:00 PM Post #8 |
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Chrissy
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Justine, I didn't work until the second child was in junior high school. My husband worked two jobs to support the family. We never went on vacations and there was never enough to do what we would have liked to do as a family (travel). I will never regret staying home with the children. It would be nice now (easy to say) if we did have two retirements coming in but I would not have had the energy to raise a family and work. We bought the motorhome with hopes of traveling around the United States now that my husband is retired. My only regret, now that I see all these beautiful places I miss the kids not being there with us. |
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Chrissy | |
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| sylley2000 | Feb 17 2005, 10:30 PM Post #9 |
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Sylvia, Grand Bend ON
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I didn't work either 'til our daughter was in elementary school. But our daughter has throughout the childhoods of both her children. She works as a bank manager and could have had her choice of a really high paid position in a major city. She elected to take the managerial job she has held for the past ten years in a small community. Both she and her husband are very involved in their children's schoolwork and their after school activities. They have never taken their children and dropped them off--they always stayed as spectators to root for whatever team they were members. Her two children will be fine adults--they are wonderful grandchildren. They are loved, disciplined and given the foundation they need to grow to be responsible and loving adults. She has taught them well--and couldn't have done it any better had she been home 24/7. Sylvia |
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