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Do Men Need Training?; Cute!!!! LOL
Topic Started: Jan 21 2005, 07:43 AM (97 Views)
DylansMom
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Jackie-Sioux Falls, SD (in Arizona for the moment)
Now, I didn't write this, just got it in an email and thought it was cute!!!!


Just in fun, but it could be a good idea....

For those of you who are married, were married, or are contemplating
marriage - under the assumption that men need (or ought) to be trained
for marriage. Southwest Tech is offering a new

2 year associate degree....

TWO YEAR DEGREE: Becoming a Real Man. That's right, in just six
mini-masters, you, too, can be a real man as well as earn an associate
degree in MA (Male Arts). Please take a moment to look over the program
outline.



FIRST YEAR
Autumn Schedule:
MEN 101 Combating Stupidity
MEN 102 You, Too, Can Do Housework
MEN 103 PMS-Learn When to Keep Your Mouth Shut
MEN 104 We Do Not Want Sleazy Under things for Christmas

Winter Schedule:
MEN 110 Wonderful Laundry Techniques
MEN 111 Understanding the Female Response to Getting in at AM
MEN 112 Parenting: It Doesn't End with Conception
EAT 100 Get a Life, Learn to Cook
EAT 101 Get a Life, Learn to Cook II
ECON 001A What's Hers is Hers

Spring Schedule:
MEN 120 How NOT to Act Like a Butt face When You're Wrong
MEN 121 Understanding Your Incompetence
MEN 122 YOU, the Weaker Sex
MEN 123 Reasons to Give Flowers
ECON 001C What Was Yours is Hers


SECOND YEAR
Autumn Schedule:
SEX 101 You CAN Fall Asleep without It
SEX 102 Morning Dilemma: If It's Awake, Take a Shower
SEX 103 How to Stay Awake After Sex
MEN 201 How to Put the Toilet Seat Down

(See Electives Below)

Winter Schedule:
MEN 210 The Remote Control: Overcoming Your Dependency
MEN 211 How to Not Act Younger than Your Children
MEN 212 You, Too, Can Be a Designated Driver
MEN 213 Honest, You Don't Look Like Tom Cruise
MEN 230A Her Birthdays and Anniversaries Are Important


Spring Schedule:
MEN 220 Omitting %&*! from Your Vocabulary (Pass/Fail Only)
MEN 221 Fluffing the Blanket After Farting Is Not Necessary
MEN 222 Real Men Ask for Directions
MEN 223 Thirty Minutes of Begging is NOT Considered Foreplay
MEN 230B Her Birthdays and Anniversaries Are Important Too

Course Electives:
EAT 101 Cooking with Tofu
EAT 102 Utilization of Eating Utensils
EAT 103 Burping and Belching Discreetly
MEN 231 Mothers-in-law
MEN 232 Appear to Be Listening
MEN 233 Just Say "Yes, Dear"
ECON 001C Cheaper to Keep Her

Just a thought for all the women out there...
MENtal illness, MENstrual cramps, MENtal breakdown, MENopause, GUYnocologist
(poetic spelling).

Ever notice how all of women's problems start with men? Send this to all of
the women you know (and men with a sense of humor) and brighten their
day!!!...and when we have real trouble, it's a HISterectomy


Greg, Dylan & Jasper too!
2005 F350 King Ranch PSD Crew Cab 4x4 Dually; 2005 Carriage Carri-lite KIQ View My Pictures Here

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mychrissy
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Chrissy
Jackie,
Enjoyed - had a good laugh this morning
Chrissy

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karmasasha
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Andrea in Minnesota, USA
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Women Who Behave Rarely Make History
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PRT
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:floorrollin: :floorrollin: :floorrollin:
Love it and will pass it on! :clap: :clap:
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Little Kopit
newfoundland
:floorrollin: :floorrollin: :floorrollin: :floorrollin: :floorrollin:

:cool:
Lynne
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brewster
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Winemaker Extraordinaire
I run my own course - it's much shorter, but it's been tremendously successful, with nearly all males in North America graduating with honours. The only item which has not worked well is the last, which I put down to the basic untrainability of the female gender.

A) While sex is always worthwhile, it is not within a man's control, so no action is required, just go with it...
Corollary A1) - Women will talk of romance, flowers, little niceties, etc. These work very well if she wants them to, not at all if she doesn't.
Corollary A2) - While romance etc. do not work initially, every woman has an internal scoreboard, so think of flowers as a good long term investment. Surprise her once in a while - that means don't do it often.

B) Anything she hasn't complained about at least a dozen times is obviously not important - ignore it.
Corollary B1) - This does not apply to golf clubs and fishing gear - any threats in this area should be taken seriously, and the item moved out of harm's way before returning to the couch.

C) Anything she has complained about enough deserves a response - say after me; "Yes Dear!"; "Yes Dear"; "Yes Dear" - Good, I think you've got it...
Corollary C1) - If work seems unavoidable, either forget some part or screw it up entirely - she won't be so anxious to have you do anything next time.
Corollary C2) - If all else fails, you can always fall back on the old standard, "I forgot"... CAUTION: OVERUSE WILL CAUSE SCREAMING FITS AND NEGATIVE MARKS ON THE SCOREBOARD!!!

D) The first man who convinces his wife to leave the toilet seat UP when she's finished will be immediately issued his Master's degree, regardless of other qualifications...
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Bow Valley Provincial Park, Kananaskis Country, Alberta
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Little Kopit
newfoundland

Quote:
 
The only item which has not worked well is the last, which I put down to the basic untrainability of the female gender......     



D) The first man who convinces his wife to leave the toilet seat UP when she's finished will be immediately issued his Master's degree, regardless of other qualifications...


Brewster, we're logical.

:clap: :clap: :clap: :clap:


:cool:
Lynne
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mychrissy
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Chrissy
:nono: Brewster you get an "A" for effort, but if the toilet seat is up or down you guys should be able to manage with a bit of adjustment. :floorrollin: :floorrollin: NOw, what happens in the middle of the night and woman are thinking how thoughtful men are and we are not concerned, we know the toilet sit is down and we sit down, find out the toilet seat is up and we wind up with a wet behind? :nono:
Chrissy

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brewster
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Winemaker Extraordinaire
Considering the difficulty of item "D", I have an alternate credit available:

The memorization of "The Book of Unanswerable Questions", which has a new, expanded edition ecery month.

At hearing ANY of these questions, and red-blooded male will immediately freeze. He is ALREADY in trouble! DO NOT attempt ANY answer - A non answer will still cost you a point on her scorecard, but ANY vocalization will cost a minimum of 10!

While I cannot print out the whole book, and many are already well known, here are a few samples:

1 - "What are you thinking?"

2 - "Do you love me? As much as you used to, I mean?"

3 - "Does this dress make me look fatter?"

4 - "That new neighbour sure is pretty, isn't she?"

5 - "What would you do if I died?"
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Bow Valley Provincial Park, Kananaskis Country, Alberta
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tomdrobin
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Concerning the old toilet seat up debate. Why would someone sit down, without looking first? I wouldn't. There might be a bug on it.
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jrf
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Member
Why do women refuse to put the toilet seat down without moaning and groaning about it?

The darn thing is on hinges and its not heavy.


Personally, I leave it up as an effort to show how hygenically concerned I am and methods are openly subject to inspection.

Simply allowing the female to judge me on my own merits and leaving the evidence in plain view.
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pentax
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Kamloops - BC Interior
tomdrobin
Jan 22 2005, 09:07 PM
Concerning the old toilet seat up debate. Why would someone sit down, without looking first? I wouldn't. There might be a bug on it.

agreed, tom - and as far as the middle of the night goes, that's why we have one of those little plug-in "night-lights" in the bathroom.

C'on Ladies - its a big bad world out there, handle it.
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"Kirk to Enterprise - Very funny, Scotty.... now beam down my clothes!"
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august-alberta
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Colleen - Cold Lake Alberta
Toilet seats: ARGH! One of my pet peeves!:thumbdown:

For those that ask why we can't just put it down before using, I ask... :scratch:


Wouldn't you men be more comfy having a seat to do your thang? You can sit on it for other matters, why not get used to it?

And you wonder why women take so long to use the bathroom. We're sitting there comfy not trying to write our names out in green in the saniflush blue bowl. :help:
Colleen
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