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Doctor Jokes
Topic Started: Jan 19 2005, 11:01 AM (70 Views)
Cornelius
Member
A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs, and I was in the wrong one.
--Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX
**********
At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall.
Big breaths," I instructed. Yes, they used to be," remorsefully replied the patient.
--Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA
**********
One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a "massive internal fart."
--Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada
**********
I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test. I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began, "Cover your right eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly. Now your left." Again, a flawless read. Now both," I requested. There
was silence. He couldn't even read the large E on the top line. I turned and discovered that
he had done exactly what I had asked; he was standing there with both his eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to finish the exam.
--Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA
**********
During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications. Which one?" I asked. The patch. The nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!" I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.
--Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA
**********
While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long have you been bed-ridden?" After a look of complete confusion she answered Why, not for about twenty years when my husband was alive."
--Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR
**********
I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, So, how's your breakfast this morning?" It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste," the patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labelled "KY Jelly."
--Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI
**********
And Finally (always leave the best for last). . . .
A new, young MD doing his residency in OB was quite embarrassed performing female pelvic exams. To cover his embarrassment he had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle aged lady upon whom he was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassed him. He looked up from his work and sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?" She replied, "No doctor, but the song you were whistling was 'I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener."
--won't admit his name

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DylansMom
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Jackie-Sioux Falls, SD (in Arizona for the moment)
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Greg, Dylan & Jasper too!
2005 F350 King Ranch PSD Crew Cab 4x4 Dually; 2005 Carriage Carri-lite KIQ View My Pictures Here

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Trailblazer
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True story: A few years ago I was dismissing a patient (and her newborn) from a hospital here in Tulsa. Some of the nurses and hospital staff accompanied this new mom downstairs. One of the nurses was happy to help put the newborn into a car seat in the patient's car, as family had driven the car to the front door to pick up the patient. The lady in the driver's seat started laughing hysterically when a baby was being put in her car. She was there to pick up Grandma, and she thought it was hilarious that her very elderly Grandma was bringing home a baby!!!!

I also worked in the surgery department of another hospital, and what was not funny was (were?) all the surgical stories of what equipment was accidentally left in patients, even little babies.

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TexasShadow
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Jane
:D :rolleyes: :blink: :floorrollin:
Posted Image "A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking."
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karmasasha
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Andrea in Minnesota, USA
I have some good true doctor stories that happened to doctors I worked with but most of them are "R" rated. So, I'll just laugh to myself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Women Who Behave Rarely Make History
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Cornelius
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karmasasha
Jan 19 2005, 06:59 PM
I have some good true doctor stories that happened to doctors I worked with but most of them are "R" rated. So, I'll just laugh to myself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Andrea, I don't shock easily, my wife is a nurse too and you won't believe the story's I have to listen to, usually over dinner. The most gory details are being discussed over the dinner table between her and my eldest son who’s a medic in the army.
You’ll have to have a stomach made of barbed wire to be able to withstand their conversations. :faint:
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karmasasha
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Andrea in Minnesota, USA
I will try to tell this in a sensitive manner.. it is not gory and has nothing to do with a patient.

Once upon a time there was a nasty mean ICU doctor. He also was not very good. Or perhaps, his mind was on other things. One night he came home very late after his latest escapade and fell asleep. His wife took airplane glue (super glue) and glued his male organ to his leg.

When he awoke in the morning because of a nature call he immediately was in severe pain. Part if him was confused and in the wrong place.

Not daring to go into the ER in the hospital where everyone knew him he drove in much pain to a hospital 25 miles away. ( where I also had worked)In the ER there he explained the situation and after much screaming in pain was released a better man.

Now I know this was bad, but, the ER nurse just happened to tell an ER nurse in our hospital on the phone who just happened to have to transport a patient into our ICU a few minutes later. After the patient report she broke into laughter and was persuaded to tell why she was laughing so hard.

About one hour later the doctor walked into our ICU to make rounds and we just could'nt help it. Everyone cracked up laughing. He threw his coffee cup down and walked out.

More to the story but I have to run.
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Women Who Behave Rarely Make History
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