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| Lame Jokes; Type in here for lame jokes... lol... | |
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| Topic Started: Oct 25 2004, 10:27 PM (1,418 Views) | |
| BanDPeRcS | Nov 3 2004, 07:31 PM Post #16 |
 
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A salesman comes up to a farmer in his barnyard. Next to the farmer is a pig with three legs. As the pig hobbles around, the salesman says to the farmer, "That's terrible! Why don't you put that pig out of his misery?" The farmer drew a deep breat h and said, "Let me tell you about that pig. One night, my house caught fire and that pig ran through the house, woke everybody up and got us out safely." "That's no reason to let him suffer!", said the salesman. "That's true", said the farmer. "But t here's more. One day, my tractor flipped over. That pig ran back to the house and got help for me. He saved my life." "I'm sure he's very talented", said the salesman, "But look at him. He can hardly walk. Why don't you just take him to a vet and ha ve him put to sleep?" The farmer looked at the salesman and shook his head. "Listen buddy, if you had a pig that was that good, would you eat him all at once? hERE's Another 1 from me~! wEeEe~! |
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| JY2027 | Nov 3 2004, 09:17 PM Post #17 |
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shld i luff ?? haha !!!! |
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| Matt87 | Nov 3 2004, 09:54 PM Post #18 |
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haha...nice one..MORE JOKES please..... |
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| wootz | Nov 4 2004, 12:22 AM Post #19 |
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4 old friends had a gathering in a restaurant. one of the man went to the restroom. so, the rest started taking about their sons. the first man said "i'm proud of my son. he is a doctor graduated from oxford university. for his birthday, he got a bangalow". the 2nd man continued "i'm proud of my son too. he is a famous lawyer. for his birthday, he got a sports car." the 3rd man added "my son has done me proud. he is a scientist and won the nobel prize recently. for his birthday, he got a $1 million cheque". then, the 4th man came back from the restroom. he asked the rest what they were talking about. "our sons. how about your son?". he said "oh. my son is my pride. he is a gay working at the pub as a bar top dancer. for his birthday, he got a bangalow, a sports car and a $1 million cheque from his 3 boyfriends." |
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| BanDPeRcS | Nov 4 2004, 09:22 AM Post #20 |
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hahakz, tt FUNNY~! and LAME~! wEeE~! now READ MINE~! A traveling salesman was driving down a country road when a rabbit ran in front of his car and he hit it. The proverbial farmer was sitting on the fence watching. The salesman gets out of his car and opens the trunk. He then removes an aerosol can and sprays the contents on the dead rabbit. The next thing you know the rabbit gets up and hops about 20 ft. down the road, turns and waves to the salesman, goes another 20 ft. and waves to the salesman. The salesman looks at the farmer and says "he'll be ok ay now." The salesman gets into his car and leaves. The farmer wondering what's going on walks over to the ditch where the salesman threw the can, picks it up and read the label which said FOR HARE RESTORATION AND PERMANENT WAVE.~ HOW BOUT TT HUH>>Hhahakz :lol: |
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| BanDPeRcS | Nov 4 2004, 09:24 AM Post #21 |
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If tt's NOT ENOUGH, i'll give u another 1~! wEeE~! Three guys are in a bar on the top of a cliff. The first guy says to the other guys "You know, if had just one more beer, I think I could fly." The second guy says "No Way!" So the first guy orders a beer and drinks it. Then all three guys walk ou t to the edge of the cliff. The first guy jumps off, starts falling to the ground, and then flies back to the top of the cliff. The second guy is totally amazed, so he says "You know, if I had another beer, I bet I could do that too." So all three guys go into the bar, and the second guy has another beer. After he finished, he said "Ok, I will be able to fly now" So they all went outside and the second guy jumped off of the cliff and feel to the bottom, where he hit the ground and died instantly. The third guy turned to the first guy and said "You know Superman, you are a real jerk when you drink" hahakz :lol: , come on and LAUGH~! wEeE~!hahakz |
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| PaT[o_X] | Nov 4 2004, 01:48 PM Post #22 |
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  ![]](http://209.85.48.14/static/1/pip_r.png)
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There was this dog looking for a job. He saw this notice that said, " Assistance needed. No specific race needed. Must be bilingual. " The dog went into the shop and started barking. The shop owner asked him what he wanted. Then the dog went out of the shop and started pawing on the notice. The shop owner was stunned and asked it whether it could speak another language. Then, the dog said, " MEOW MEOW!" x= lame ma? =P |
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| BanDPeRcS | Nov 4 2004, 02:27 PM Post #23 |
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wElL(3x) here;s another 1 from me~! wEeEe~! In the days where tall, wooden ships sailed the high seas, there was this one ship sailing during a war. That morning, the lookout shouted, "enemy ship on the horizon." The captain said to his ensign, "Get me my red shirt." The ensign, rather bewilder ed from this odd request, did as his captain ordered. Thought he battle was a long one, the captain and his crew managed to fend off the enemy ship. Later that day, the lookout shouted, "two enemy ships on the horizon." As before, the captain said to his ensign, "Get me my red shirt." And, as before, the ensign did as his captain asked. The battle took the rest of the day to fight, and managed to defeat the two enemy ships. That evening, the ensign asked his captain, "Sir, Why, before every battle, do you ask for your red shirt." The captain replied, "Well, if I am wounded in battle, the blood will not show and the crew will continue to fight." The crew was listening, and they were impressed. They had a brave captain. The next morning, the lookout sho uted, "Ten enemy ships on the horizon." The ensign looked at his captain, waiting for the usual orders. The captain said to his ensign, "Ensign, get me my brown pants hahakz~! eveileyes(haha) wicked(p)  
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| WuHa~wUhA | Nov 4 2004, 03:35 PM Post #24 |
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3 men are in an airplane and it crashes on a desert island. A spirit apears and tells them that if they do 2 tasks he will transport them of the island. He tells them to bring 9 fruits to him and then he will tell them the second. The first person comes back with coconuts. The spirit tells him the second task is to shove all of them up his ass without making a face. He gets to the eighth coconut and grimaces. The spirit kills him on the spot. The second guy comes back with grapes and is told the second task. He gets to the seventh grape and starts laughing. The spirit asks him why he is laughing and he says, "I just saw that other guy coming with pineapples!" |
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| WuHa~wUhA | Nov 4 2004, 03:39 PM Post #25 |
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One day a blonde , brunnete and black haired girls went walking through the forest ,but suddenly a man in a black suite put a gun to their heads and said say your last words.The brunnete said "look a tornadoe " but tricked him and ran off home but didn't get help,so the black and blonde haired girls were left,The black haired girl said "look a tsunami " and ran off home just like the brunette.So the blonde was left ,since her sisters had made up an excuse as well so she said "fire" and the masked man said "really" and she said "absolutely"so he fired the gun and the blonde was never found by her clever sisters. |
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| WuHa~wUhA | Nov 4 2004, 03:44 PM Post #26 |
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A cop was parked on the corner when a car approached a stop sign but slowly rolled through it. The cop put on his siren and pulled the driver over. "Sir, you went right through that stop sign." "But officer, I did slow down." "Yes but you didn't stop." and handed him a ticket. The next day, the same cop ,the same car, the same thing happens. The cop pulls the guy over again. "Sir, you went right through the stop sign." "But officer, I did slow down." "Yes, but you didn't stop." He gets handed another ticket. The third day. The same cop, same car, same stop sign. This time the cop was determined to teach the driver a lesson. He pulled the car over and said, "What's the matter with you? This is the third day you went right through the stop sign." "But officer I did SLOW down!" To this the cop reaches inside the driver's window, holds his head, takes out his night stick and while hitting him on the head says. "Now, do you want me to STOP ... or SLOW down?" |
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| WuHa~wUhA | Nov 4 2004, 04:12 PM Post #27 |
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Oh Poor Mr. Gates Bill Gates died in a car accident. He found himself in Purgatory being sized up by God. "Well, Bill, I'm really confused on this call. I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you enormously helped society by putting a computer in almost every home in the world and yet you created that ghastly Windows 95. I'm going to do something I've never done before. In your case, I'm going to let you decide where you want to go!" Bill replied, "Well, thanks, God. What's the difference between the two?" God said, "I'm willing to let you visit both places briefly if it will help you make a decision." So first, Bill went to visit Hell. It was a beautiful, clean sandy beach with clear waters. There were thousands of beautiful women running around, playing in the water, laughing and frolicking about. The sun was shining and the temperature was perfect. Bill was very pleased. "This is great!" he told God. "If this is Hell, I REALLY want to see Heaven!" "Fine," said God and off they went. Heaven was a high place in the clouds, with angels drifting about playing harps and singing. It was nice but not as enticing as Hell. Bill thought for a quick minute and rendered his decision. "Hmmm, I think I prefer Hell," he told God. "Fine," retorted God, "as you desire." So Bill Gates went to Hell. Two weeks later, God decided to check up on the late billionaire to see how he was doing in Hell. When God arrived in Hell, he found Bill shackled to a wall, screaming amongst the hot flames in a dark cave. He was being burned and tortured by demons. "How's everything going, Bill?" God asked. Bill responded, his voice full of anguish and disappointment. "This is awful. This is not at all what I expected. What happened to that other place with the beaches and the beautiful women playing in the water?" God smiled and said, "That was the screen saver." |
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| BatoNBoY | Nov 4 2004, 05:21 PM Post #28 |
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o,o,o o,o,o o,o,o o,o,o o,o,o o,o,o o,o,o tat's sooooo... |
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| PaT[o_X] | Nov 4 2004, 05:51 PM Post #29 |
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wah seh... chao lame lor.. with the big LLLLLL lol |
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| PaT[o_X] | Nov 4 2004, 05:56 PM Post #30 |
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There was this french man who went to the barber.. and then after he shaved his head, he asked the barber how much he has to pay. the barber said that it was free.. so the french man thanked him. the next day, flowers were sent to the barber from the french man. One fine day, an english man went to the barber to get a haircut. When the barber finished cutting the english man's hair, the english man asked him how much he had to pay. the barber said it was free. the very next day, the barber recieved a basket of fruits. it was from the english man. The next day, an indian man came to the barber and had his hair cut. he asked how much was the hair cut. the barber said that it was free. the very next day, he recieved a pot of curry from the indian man. So one day, a singaporean man went to get his hair cut from the barber. He was shocked that it was free, he thanked the barber. the very next day, outside the barber's shop, there were hundreds of men queueing for hair cut from the barber. the barber kenna stunned and died. cause the singaporean man was so kia su until he asked his army frens, relative and frens to queue up for hair cut. |
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