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Feeling lonely in the crowd?
Topic Started: Mar 19 2018, 05:05 AM (15 Views)
greglazor
Just Arrived
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Hi,
I am laying in bed, next to my wife. she is hugging me from the back, breathing to my neck. I could hear his breath slowing down and steady. I couldn’t sleep. I stare blankly to the dark and I feel empty.
I have almost everything people talk about when it comes to happiness.
A good wife, a great job that I enjoy and pays me well.
But here I am, feeling all confused, blank and painful. I feel numb, suffocate and lifeless.
For all the reasons I could think of, I should be grateful for the life I have and be happy about it.
Yes, I am grateful. But I am not happy. I feel guilty for not being happy. I cannot talk to anyone. No one can understand.
Even I can’t understand.
Everything is so quiet. All I can hear is my wife’s breath and the sound of my wall clock.
I feel so lonely. I feel like I am the only person in the world have this feeling. This feeling overwhelms me, eats me alive and I find myself lost in it, piece by piece.
I find myself push people away because I think they don’t truly understand me. I try to build a thick wall around me to protect myself and my lonesomeness. Behind the wall, I have the whole world of my own. Except there is nothing in that world.
I know it is not healthy for me to stay in my world forever.
I know it is time for me to break the wall. But I just don’t know how.
Life is so hard out there. I don’t want to risk my vulnerability to anyone. I simply cannot trust someone who doesn’t understand me.
It breaks my heart to conceal my true self. My loneliness gradually kills me from inside.

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Edited by greglazor, Mar 22 2018, 06:50 AM.
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