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Friday Joke time
Topic Started: 23rd March 2007 - 12:13 PM (404 Views)
aksattee
Member Avatar
Most well behaved
This was sent to me and not a personal incident

>I recall my first time with a condom, I was 16 or so.
>
>I went in to buy a packet of condoms at the pharmacy. There was this

>beautiful woman assistant behind the counter, and she could see that I

>was new at it. She handed me the package and asked, if I knew how to

>wear one.
>
>I honestly answered, "No. this is my first time" So she unwrapped the

>package, took one out and slipped it over her thumb. She cautioned me
to
>make sure it was on tight and secure. I apparently still looked

>confused. So she looked all around the store to see if it was empty. It

>was empty. "Just a minute," she said, and walked to the door, and
locked
>it.
>
>Taking my hand, she led me into the back room, unbuttoned her blouse
and
>removed it. She unhooked her bra and laid it aside. "Do these excite

>you?" she asked. Well, I was so dumb-struck that all I could do was nod

>my head.
>
>She then said, it was time to slip the condom on. As I was slipping it

>on, she dropped her skirt, removed her panties and lay down on a desk.
>"Well, come on", she said, "We don't have much time." So I climbed on

>her.
>
>It was so wonderful, that unfortunately, I could no longer hold back
and
>KAPOW, I was done within a few minutes. She looked at me with a bit of
a
>frown.
>"Did you put that condom on?" she asked.
>
>I said, "I sure did," and held up my thumb to show her. She fainted
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cuppy
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Friendliest Poster 2006
Moderator
Aks, you're answers are suppose to be posted in the Ask Me A Question Forum
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Rob
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previously WWW
aksattee
Mar 23 2007, 11:13 AM
This was sent to me and not a personal incident

>I recall my first time with a condom, I was 16 or so.
>
>I went in to buy a packet of condoms at the pharmacy. There was this

>beautiful woman assistant behind the counter, and she could see that I

>was new at it. She handed me the package and asked, if I knew how to

>wear one.
>
>I honestly answered, "No. this is my first time" So she unwrapped the

>package, took one out and slipped it over her thumb. She cautioned me
to
>make sure it was on tight and secure. I apparently still looked

>confused. So she looked all around the store to see if it was empty. It

>was empty. "Just a minute," she said, and walked to the door, and
locked
>it.
>
>Taking my hand, she led me into the back room, unbuttoned her blouse
and
>removed it. She unhooked her bra and laid it aside. "Do these excite

>you?" she asked. Well, I was so dumb-struck that all I could do was nod

>my head.
>
>She then said, it was time to slip the condom on. As I was slipping it

>on, she dropped her skirt, removed her panties and lay down on a desk.
>"Well, come on", she said, "We don't have much time." So I climbed on

>her.
>
>It was so wonderful, that unfortunately, I could no longer hold back
and
>KAPOW, I was done within a few minutes. She looked at me with a bit of
a
>frown.
>"Did you put that condom on?" she asked.
>
>I said, "I sure did," and held up my thumb to show her. She fainted

how did you know !!!!

i thought i had told no one
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Rich
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Technically backward twat.
Moderator
I want to know where this pharmacy is?
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305miles2EllandRd
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Stand up Comedian
And old but good one:



>HELL EXPLAINED BY A CHEMISTRY STUDENT
>
>The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington
>chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that
>the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of
>course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well:
>
>Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic
>(absorbs heat)?
>
>Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law
>(gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some
>variant.
>
>One student, however, wrote the following:
>
>First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we
>need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate
>at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once
>a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are
>leaving.
>
>As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different
>religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state
>that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell.
>Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not
>belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to
>Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number
>of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of
>change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order
>for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume
>of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
>
>This gives two possibilities:
>1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls
>enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase
>until all Hell breaks loose.
>
>2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in
>Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes
>over.
>
>So which is it?
>If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman
>year that, "It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and
>take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then
>number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and
>has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since
>Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more
>souls and is therefore, extinct......leaving only Heaven, thereby
>proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night,
>Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."
>
>THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A".
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Wickywhite
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best all-rounder
Moderator
305miles2EllandRd
Mar 23 2007, 01:28 PM
And old but good one:



>HELL EXPLAINED BY A CHEMISTRY STUDENT
>
>The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington
>chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that
>the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of
>course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well:
>
>Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic
>(absorbs heat)?
>
>Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law
>(gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some
>variant.
>
>One student, however, wrote the following:
>
>First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we
>need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate
>at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once
>a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are
>leaving.
>
>As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different
>religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state
>that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell.
>Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not
>belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to
>Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number
>of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of
>change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order
>for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume
>of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
>
>This gives two possibilities:
>1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls
>enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase
>until all Hell breaks loose.
>
>2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in
>Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes
>over.
>
>So which is it?
>If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman
>year that, "It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and
>take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then
>number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and
>has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since
>Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more
>souls and is therefore, extinct......leaving only Heaven, thereby
>proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night,
>Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."
>
>THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A".

Brilliant!
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Dee
Member Avatar
really very nice person
A man is driving around Dublin when he sees a sign in front of a house: 'TALKING DOG FOR SALE'.
He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the back yard. The man goes into the yard and sees a Labrador sitting there.

"You talk?" he asks.

"Yes," the Lab replies.

"Wow!" says the man.

The Labrador looks up and says: "Yes, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the Garda about my gift, and in no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running. But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals. I then got married, had a load of puppies, and now I'm just retired."

The man is amazed and goes back to the house to ask the owner how much he wants for the dog.

"Ten euros," the man says.

The man is astonished. "Ten euros? Why only ten euros? This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?"

He replies: "Because he's a fucking liar. He never did any of those things.".
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Brutus
Member Avatar
Addicted 606 Rebel
Dee
Mar 23 2007, 05:06 PM
A man is driving around Dublin when he sees a sign in front of a house: 'TALKING DOG FOR SALE'.
He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the back yard. The man goes into the yard and sees a Labrador sitting there.

"You talk?" he asks.

"Yes," the Lab replies.

"Wow!" says the man.

The Labrador looks up and says: "Yes, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the Garda about my gift, and in no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running. But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals. I then got married, had a load of puppies, and now I'm just retired."

The man is amazed and goes back to the house to ask the owner how much he wants for the dog.

"Ten euros," the man says.

The man is astonished. "Ten euros? Why only ten euros? This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?"

He replies: "Because he's a fucking liar. He never did any of those things.".

:lolanimate: That's brilliant
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